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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He works abroad and said the girls there are really attractive

180 replies

JoSwiss1212 · 04/03/2020 08:21

AIBU - Probably am

Boyfriend of 1yr and a half (hes 25, i"m 23) works abroad.
He goes away for 2 weeks, comes home for 2.
He came back and told me the girls are really attractive where he is and on night outs they always want to talk to him but he tells them he has a girlfriend.
Aibu to feel a bit insecure about this?

OP posts:
Cam77 · 04/03/2020 10:30

Away for 2 weeks then back for 2? If you’re looking for a bit of fun, great (if he’s fun?) but that doesn’t sound like a basis for a serious relationship worth stressing over.

billy1966 · 04/03/2020 10:31

OP, a nice secure guy who was into you, wouldn't dream of saying that.

Whatever is going on with him, he's given you a great big red flag that you shouldn't ignore.

He's away a lot and you are hanging around waiting for someone who in my opinion is not worth your time.

Value YOUR time and tell him you are going to leave him to the blondes he admires so much.

Twat.

Moomin8 · 04/03/2020 10:35

Supposing this was true. A decent man wouldn't tell you.

I had this with an ex of mine. How all these beautiful women were coming up to him whilst he was at work or out and telling him I should be grateful to have him 😂 the reality was that he was the one punching. I was objectively better looking than him and his way of dealing with it was to make me feel insecure.

When I pulled him on it and told him I don't need to put up with comparisons with other women, his response to this was

'WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? SHAKIRA??!!'

I think this is what's going on with you.

Original poster
JoSwiss1212 · 04/03/2020 10:36

Im really shocked so many of you dont think im being unreasonable,
I was expecting a ton of "youre being insecure and needy and suffocating",
Thanks for the advice everyone, it's tough because I love him but I might speak to him tonight about it

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 04/03/2020 10:37

Honestly don't put up with this shit.

Dump him before he destroys your confidence.

Mordred · 04/03/2020 10:42

You most certainly are NOT being unreasonable. Hope he manages to see what an arse he's being.

Original poster
JoSwiss1212 · 04/03/2020 10:43

How do i even bring it up tonight without sounding like i go on and on and on

OP posts:
IWriteCode · 04/03/2020 10:44

I wouldn't bother talking to him about it. The people who make that kind of comment KNOW what they are doing. They are trying to make you feel insecure. The reason why doesn't matter, maybe he wants to cheat, maybe he gets a power trip, maybe he's just a little bit sadistic.

Trust me, there are billions of nice men out there. You don't have to settle.

oakleaffy · 04/03/2020 10:45

He sounds emotionally immature and also insecure...A friend's husband was a teacher and used to brag about ''all the 6th form girls fancying him''. [The marriage broke up eventually]
Really secure men would never say things like this. Get rid!

HelgaHere1 · 04/03/2020 10:45

If it's his first os posting then I'd cut him some slack. Hopefully he has picked up that it's not a very tactful thing to do. If his career is going to regularly take him abroad he'll prob decide a DW at home waiting for him to return is worth its weight in gold compared to any come ons in a foreign country.

IWriteCode · 04/03/2020 10:45

I would turn it on its head and just say hey, I think you should have a go at them, good luck and it's been nice knowing you.

Moomin8 · 04/03/2020 10:47

I think you should dump him because it honestly won't get any better and as others have said, you are in your prime of life at 23 and you can have any guy you want.

Imagine getting married to this twat, and then having to put up with this shit whilst you're pregnant / just had a baby etc? At this age you need to find the good men because they go early.

catlovingdoctor · 04/03/2020 10:48

Going against the grain a bit; is there any possibility he's just joking around a bit? Or trying to tell you he loves you by showing he would rather have you than all these supposedly attractive other women?

Moomin8 · 04/03/2020 10:48

@catlovingdoctor no definitely not.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/03/2020 10:48

Has he been telling you that you 'go on and on'? Does he also tell you that you are a 'nag' if you bring up something that you'd like him to do?

Telling him that you don't like the way he talks to you isn't 'going on and on'. It's 'having boundaries'.

Moomin8 · 04/03/2020 10:49

It's basically negging

StillDisappointed · 04/03/2020 10:51

Agree with @IWriteCode

Take the power away from him. He says it again say 'Seeing as you're so taken, I'd hate to see you miss your opportunity. Have fun.' in the most lighthearted tone you can muster.

Call him all the names under the sun after you've spoken to him.
But while speaking to him keep it light, airy and breezy.

You're only 23. Being tied down with a dickhead like this shouldn't even be on your radar. Go out, have fun with your friends, focus on work, do a hobby, spend time on yourself.
You deserve so much more.

ShesCurly · 04/03/2020 10:51

God he sounds like an absolute prick.

Even if he was "just winding you up" then why would he do that? It's not a jokey thing that's funny like my other half taking the piss out of how clumsy I am.

The joke was haha I'm going to say something that will make you insecure...

The "I was just winding you up" and "god can't you take a joke" always seem to be dickheads don't they. Because they are.

What a nob.

Tattooedmama · 04/03/2020 11:03

You deserve so much better than this.
Any man who happily makes his girlfriend feel insecure and jealous is not worth wasting time on.

I wouldn't bring it up, i would play him at his own game and see his reaction, but dont do it in a way that he thinks your only saying stuff because of what he has.

SunshineCake · 04/03/2020 11:05

He's priming you for when he cheats

Moomin8 · 04/03/2020 11:06

One thing you can do to project the future of a relationship is to look at how the persons previous ones ended. Read between the lines.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/03/2020 11:06

Great advice from @StillDisappointed.

Eckhart · 04/03/2020 11:10

Going against the grain I wonder if it’s a clumsy (young male) way of trying to say he likes you better no matter the temptation

I had somebody 'pay me a compliment' by pointing out how gorgeous someone else was. And 'exactly my type, too, but I'm with you'

I was really pissed off. 'Why were you even looking? Why have you told me?!' Then I was made to feel over sensitive and silly and insecure.

Sounds like OP's bf isn't taking her upset seriously either, which, frankly, makes it twice as bad. Beware anybody who doesn't take it seriously when you're upset with them.

Eckhart · 04/03/2020 11:15

How do i even bring it up tonight without sounding like i go on and on and on

How would you like this to resolve? What outcome are you after?

Devlesko · 04/03/2020 11:17

He's an immature 25 year old, there are some mature ones.
However, I'm like you small and brunette. My dh used have girls flock to him, due to his work.
I was insecure and thought one day he'd go off with a tall leggy blond.
We are still together 31 years later.
The difference is mine would help with my insecurity and tell me I was the best looking girl in the world, and he loved my petite figure.
Yours just doesn't seem to credit your insecurities as being valid.

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