Just found out Dds half brother is her new best friends stepdad

[Bingeslayer]

My 7 year old Dd has a much older half brother (30) she's never met because her dad hasn't had contact with his son since he was born,my ex told me about his son after we met so I was aware there was a son living locally.Saw a photo on sm about 8 years ago.
Anyhow a new girl started in Dds class last year and they get on well but this last fortnight they have been attached at the hip and in this time her friend has been to our house twice and met up in local park with friends mum also.Her 2nd visit to ours today she was picked up by her stepdad.
It's my Dds brother!!!!
I was a bit shocked but obviously couldn't say anything as he's totally unaware as far as I know.

My Aibu is this,do I mention this to friends mum (brothers partner),my ex has said his son knows who he is,but ex is a pathological liar so who knows.
Dds brother was raised by his stepdad from birth.
It's not like I expect them to have a sibling relationship because of the age gap but feel awkward having this knowledge and not sharing it,i also don't want to mess up Dds friendship as she finds it hard to make connections.
WWYD?
YABU-keep quiet
YANBU-Tell the partner I think he's Dds brother

Why would you tell his partner instead of saying to him "Oh I think you're my DD's half brother"?

Though not the partner - talk to him!

Exactly.

@worraliberty just want to get the lay of the land first regarding his knowledge of who his bio dad is

Talk to your dd's brother.

So your DD is best friends with her niece?

I actually think this is lovely that they've connected and I would have the conversation with the brother saying you have no expectations of family ties but thought he should know.

I think you need to have a conversation with your ex before doing/saying anything. It gives him the opportunity to lead the conversation with his son or the sons mother.

Very difficult situation for you though. I get you can’t just really leave it.

Surely you need to talk to the brother not the mum

Talk to him

So just checking your dd is as it turns out her new little friend's half aunt?

Hmm I think you will need to have a chat with the dad (your child's brother) it would be potentially confusing and hurtful if he realised and cut the friendship dead and if he also realises that you knew and didn't say anything it could cause lots of bother.

I'm just worried if I go on to him myself and he is actually unaware his step dad is not his bio dad i'd be opening a can of worms.Can't ask my ex because honestly I could fill a book with all the lies he's fed me over the years.The only reason I mostly believe him over this is because he has his son's very unusual name tattooed on his arm.

If you think he might not know then you should stay well out of it.

Do you have any contact with stepdad? Can you approach him and say about your DD's friendship and say you know his DSS's background, but don't know what he knows.

I would be relatively surprised at anyone born in last 30 years not knowing a parent wasn't their biological one, it's long been advised to be open about this kind of thing.

I would say nothing if you don’t know that the brother might not know who his dad is-it’s not your story to tell. I’d just act surprised if it comes out.

I think you need to stay out of it then.

You can't expect his wife to keep a massive secret like that if it turns out he thought his step-dad was his bio dad.

Could you snoop on their social media to see if that helps? Or contact the half-brother's mum to see what she has told him?
I wouldn't speak to his wife. It puts her in a horrible position if he doesn't know.

He had nothing to do with his son but had his name tattooed on his arm - am I understanding that? What a twat.
Maybe you could just say "oh that's an interesting name, my ex Steve Smith actually had that on his arm".
It would really need to be the man's mother you speak to regarding whether or not he knows who his dad was.

Does the stepdad of your DD's brother definitely know he is the stepdad? I think the best way to deal with this is to contact DDs little friend's GM and find out the truth from her and proceed from there. If that's too hard is there any way you could let drop who the father of DD is and then if halfbro or his wife know they will realise the relationship themselves.

I did consider the mum,but didn't know if it was too cheeky or intrusive,fucking ex causing problems still!!!

Quick. Go grab a hair from and get it tested 👱‍♂️

Why do you want him to know?

Say nothing to anyone.

Your DD doesn’t need to know and it might upset her new friendship.

The son has a mind of his own and can do his own family tree if he’s so inclined.

You risk creating a lot of aggro for not a lot of gain.

Unless drama is your thing.

🦙?