Have. Big decision to make in the next hour or so, I need the Mumsnet hive mind

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Righto.

Years ago my nan died. She had 3 DC.

Two sons, one daughter (( my mum ))

Financially the sons were ok, my mum being a single mum was poor. Very poor. And worked hard for what she had.

So nana died and the house was to be sold, the profit split 3 ways. Not a massive amount of money, not even 10s of thousands but enough that it would have made a difference to my mum.

Only it didn't get that far, we went away for a few days and whilst we were gone one of the sons took it upon himself to move into the house. In doing so he also took remaining family heirlooms (( family Bible etc. Not worth anything money wise but obviously meant something )) and a lot of other things he kept.

This meant he now owned one house and also had my Nana's.

My mum was obviously upset about this, more about how he did it. And what he did. He paid off uncle one immediately and told my mum he'd pay her with rental from the other house. This came in dribs and drabs and was never the full amount. It then stopped a few months later when they sold the house(( they also took their half of the rent so profited twice )) it was just left. But my mum refused to sign it over as she wasn't happy.

They've since admitted they hadn't paid the full sum. Again no major fallouts, I've always invited them to birthdays etc. Theyve taken my DD on holidays, there is no malice on my part.

Now to the present day. They want legal ownership of the house to secure the future of their disabled son.

My brother immediately kicked up a stink and said they'll have to buy the 3rd share. Based on today's valuation. They've had the house valued and the 3 siblings are happy to take the money. Still a very low sum.

And then there's me. The awkward, principled one who also has a massive guilt complex 🙄

I don't want to sign it over because of how they treated my mum. I don't feel they deserve it. I know I won't really have any hold over it but what I propose is I sign something to state that upon the death of my cousin (( let's face it we all die )) my share reverts back to me (( well my DC ))

So what would you do ? Snatch the money and go off cackling into the sunset (( yabu ))

Or do what I propose and still keep a small hold over the property to remind them they were proper shits towards a vulnerable woman ? ((Yanbu ))

And yes I know this isn't WWYD but let's face it no one goes on there.

I’ve justreadyour update, OP. I’m glad you took the money. Raise a glass to your Mum, forget the others and enjoy your life.

The hours now up but another vote for taking the money after obtaining 3 valuations.
Sounds like they treated your mum appallingly, so I think its likely your mum would want you to secure your share now for yourself and your children.
Anything else, though admirable sounds too complicated and likely to go pear shaped, its better to have a clean break.

I don't think there are any wrong answers here.

Even if you got lots of cash out of them, you wouldn't be able to go back in time and share it with your mother. All you can do now is push for the solution that makes you the happiest, because that's surely all she would care about at this point if she was able to advise you.

They've behaved badly, but I do believe living well is the best revenge. If you want to fight, and that gives you some comfort, fight. If you want to take the money and run, do that. Do whatever makes you feel like you're living your best life.

Take the money - think of it as giving your Aunt and Uncle peace of mind! Ask for the family Bible.

I am glad you decided to take the money. It is too much head space to retain any interest in the property.

I would also look into what the POA for your cousin would involve. My friend and her husband have this for their adult daughter and the responsibility is immense, especially when it goes pear in their lives. I personally think it is a fucking cheek to ask you to do this.

You and our siblings should get your share now. This has gone on too long. Get a valuation of the property and the other side of the family will need to buy out your third o, if they can't raise the money, the property will have to be sold to pay you out your third. I don't know why this is even a question - it should have happened years ago.

Your brother is right. Take the money now. Are you "principled" or "cutting off your nose to spike your face"?

I think you're right to get several valuations and then take the money. You can't resolve your mother's heartache, but you can prevent future problems for your own children.

Be very wary though- I think you might need to be prepared for your uncle to say that they can't afford to buy you and your brothers out, and how can you be so heartless as to take a home away from a cousin with disabilities. In that instance, you'd all need to be united in suggesting that the house is sold, everyone takes their share, and uncle uses his share of the money plus the funds from the sale of the other house to set up arrangements for their son.

Agree with Inertia - be wary. They have shown themselves to be utterly duplicitous & unprincipled. Don’t be swayed by pleas of poverty. The uncles behaved despicably.

I think you just ask for your share of the rent for the last X years...

What selfish people

I couldn’t really follow but glad you’re getting shot of the property

Random that would be 25 years worth lol.

Bit of a dripfeed but not long after this happened their DD became ill and died pretty suddenly. We were very close and had grown up together. She was born a day after me .......I think that's where my guilt comes from. I've always carried it, guilt for existing really and having DC. Guilt for living a life and an awareness at what they'd lost hence making the effort for them to have a grandparent type role. It was also the reason my mum dropped it, understandably so.

But that isn't an excuse really, I'm aware of that. They were able to carry on and sell their previous home / work out the rental etc

And yes, I know my feelings aren't healthy and think all this being raked up and having such an affect on me is going to make me look at getting some support for that.

Regarding my cousin that's left I'll always keep an eye out. I think most people would. My conscience wouldn't allow me to knowingly leave a vulnerable adult with nobody. I have made it very clear though they need to start putting things in place now.

That's the truth though they do owe everyone else 25 years rent!

for your cousin, that must be hard.

I'm glad you've made your decision. Now, just be at peace about it.

Sounds a good decision. Probably easier/simpler for them too I'd imagine?

I think a more pressing concern would be the ongoing care of your cousin. It's lovely of you to look out for him, but yes to pushing his parents towards sorting out future care now so you don't suddenly get left as the only person to look out for him / sort suitable housing etc.