Have. Big decision to make in the next hour or so, I need the Mumsnet hive mind

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Righto.

Years ago my nan died. She had 3 DC.

Two sons, one daughter (( my mum ))

Financially the sons were ok, my mum being a single mum was poor. Very poor. And worked hard for what she had.

So nana died and the house was to be sold, the profit split 3 ways. Not a massive amount of money, not even 10s of thousands but enough that it would have made a difference to my mum.

Only it didn't get that far, we went away for a few days and whilst we were gone one of the sons took it upon himself to move into the house. In doing so he also took remaining family heirlooms (( family Bible etc. Not worth anything money wise but obviously meant something )) and a lot of other things he kept.

This meant he now owned one house and also had my Nana's.

My mum was obviously upset about this, more about how he did it. And what he did. He paid off uncle one immediately and told my mum he'd pay her with rental from the other house. This came in dribs and drabs and was never the full amount. It then stopped a few months later when they sold the house(( they also took their half of the rent so profited twice )) it was just left. But my mum refused to sign it over as she wasn't happy.

They've since admitted they hadn't paid the full sum. Again no major fallouts, I've always invited them to birthdays etc. Theyve taken my DD on holidays, there is no malice on my part.

Now to the present day. They want legal ownership of the house to secure the future of their disabled son.

My brother immediately kicked up a stink and said they'll have to buy the 3rd share. Based on today's valuation. They've had the house valued and the 3 siblings are happy to take the money. Still a very low sum.

And then there's me. The awkward, principled one who also has a massive guilt complex 🙄

I don't want to sign it over because of how they treated my mum. I don't feel they deserve it. I know I won't really have any hold over it but what I propose is I sign something to state that upon the death of my cousin (( let's face it we all die )) my share reverts back to me (( well my DC ))

So what would you do ? Snatch the money and go off cackling into the sunset (( yabu ))

Or do what I propose and still keep a small hold over the property to remind them they were proper shits towards a vulnerable woman ? ((Yanbu ))

And yes I know this isn't WWYD but let's face it no one goes on there.

What do they intend to do with the house after they die. Is their DS able to live in the house or would it have to be sold and the £ paid towards care for him? Sorry if this has been answered didn’t read while thread due to time! If it would be sold at that point then I think your suggestion is reasonable. It comes to you or your beneficiaries if you’ve died.

Don’t be a door mat. Take your money.

Your brother has made it clear that your mother was treated badly and that they need to repair that damage by making the payment now, to her children. He has done the 'fighting' for you all, and good for him. So you should take the money, and if you feel you want to say something you could say what a dreadful shame your mother wasn't here to see things done right, and then move on.

Reading it back it seems like there isn't really a decision to be made.

Your proposal is to sign a bit of paper that would be pointless and meaningless. If your cousin did want to leave you a share of the house in their will then your poor DD will have a load of legal stuff to sift through.

The only reason is because you want to remind them how they upset your mum. Just take the money and tell them how she felt.

You're dragging out this issue when your uncles, your cousin and your siblings just want it sorting.

That's not principled it's disruptive

Take your equity out of the house now and have a clean break. If anything were to happen to you, you’d just be passing on a legal headache to your nearest and dearest as part of your own estate - people for whom the initial injustice and tussle will be likely completely lost in the mists of time. Take the money and do something constructive with it. Given your uncles’ track record, make sure you are getting a fair buy out and don’t waver about showing them any kindness or consideration. They deserve none.

Your brother is right - and he has made it clear they did not behave well to your mum. Take the money. Pushing it down the road till your cousin dies only prolonges the feelings of unfairness.

Good luck OP. It's awful to have seen a family member shafted.

Hanging onto old hurt won’t help your mum. Nor will it make them feel bad, they will just think you’re a bitter sort of a person, and won’t take responsibility for their part in that. Take the money and move on.

You need to take the share of it market value now plus the share of the rent since your nan died.

Any less is being a.mug and I'm sorry but I think you are a mug to have included them like good people in your life and your children.

They are not good people and you should not be showing tour children that it's okay for people to shit all over you and you just accept it and include them as family.

What they did to tour mum, they also did to you. With money you would have benefitted when your mum benefitted as you were younger. You should have stood up for your mum by not having anything much to do with them.

But that's all done with but get you and your siblings share accurately sorted and with the rent and profit form over the years. At a minimum interest on the share since your nan died.

Take the money and move on. I'm sure your mum would want you to be free of this stress

Your not tour.

Was the valuation independent? More than one estate agent?
if so, take the cash.
Good luck OP.

Ask for your fair share, as should your brother. Do the calculation of what your mother lost out on through their cheating her out of what she had inherited, and add that to what they should give you.

the deadline I've given to myself. Ive been ignoring emails and putting it off for weeks. I thought id come to a decision but my conscience decided to have a last minute flap

I can understand that.

I think the choices are either take your own legal advice - (or your and your siblings do) or you just agree to sale and stop worrying about the entire situation.

I realise this is water under the bridge, but who was the original executor and why wasn't a sale forced through at the time, considering that's what the will apparently said?

Back with the present day, I agree with the majority about simply taking the money and getting rid of the whole issue ... frankly it sounds as if it's gone on long enough

Take the money. Consider it a 'gift' from your nan and also from your mum. That money should have been paid to your mother long ago, it's only right that it comes to her children.

If you have lingering feelings of guilt (I certainly would NOT), bank it for your children. Or donate it to charity.

Death and money bring out the worst in people. One of my uncles (the rich one, no surprise!) tried to screw 3 of my cousins out of a share of the (small) inheritance when my grandmother died. Luckily, my 2 other uncles, my mum, and my aunt insisted that their dead sister's share go to her surviving children as my grandparent's would have wanted.

Secure the money your side of the family is owed and move on afresh

The brother owes your mum rent for all the time he's been living in the property. Work out how much market rent would be, then 1/3 of that was due to your mum. If the money she has received is less than that, then she is due the difference plus the full 1/3 of the current value of the house.

Get your own solicitor, don’t use theirs. You can’t trust theirs. There are many dodgyish solicitors in conveyancing/wills.

The house should be sold at market value and you get full value of your mum’s share. If they buy you out, a lower market value will be used than it would achievw on open market - that is so common.

Even mortgage company valuations vary: I know someone who just had two different banks value her house and they were £56k apart!!

That their son is disabled is irrelevant to you. They can secure his future with their own money but they are basically trying to defraud you again just like they did to your mum.

I’d ensure the valuations were fair not dodgy then I’d take the money. I find it strange you forgave what they did to your mother. She was a single mother. A physically and probably emotionally weaker person. Don’t feel guilt for taking money from them. Feel bad you can never get what belonged to your mum.

Do make sure they pay every administration fee, bank transfer costs etc as part of the deal.

Cross post with skysblue. When I said valuation, I meant market rate on the open market, not a part share sale.

Personally I’d keep the share, the property will rise in value and if the disabled cousin is in ill health he may not live to an old age (not being cruel, just realistic) - does the other uncle have any children to pass his share on to?

Sounds like they are wanting to give you a small mount of money to buy you out - that benefits them of course - but it could be a good investment for you (and your dc’s) in the future. I don’t think you should feel pressured to sell your share (not should your siblings) they could pay you a third of what the rent would be instead.

I would get a solicitor and ask for 3 independent valuations of the house. If your solicitor is happy that it's fair, then take the money and wash your hands of it all.

Take the money but get proper independent market valuations. Your cousin's security is not your responsibility, that's on his parents. Take the money and make it a clean break and move on.

Take the money and move on with your life. Don't let events of the past impact on your family's future. It's over, and you need to move on.