Have. Big decision to make in the next hour or so, I need the Mumsnet hive mind

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Righto.

Years ago my nan died. She had 3 DC.

Two sons, one daughter (( my mum ))

Financially the sons were ok, my mum being a single mum was poor. Very poor. And worked hard for what she had.

So nana died and the house was to be sold, the profit split 3 ways. Not a massive amount of money, not even 10s of thousands but enough that it would have made a difference to my mum.

Only it didn't get that far, we went away for a few days and whilst we were gone one of the sons took it upon himself to move into the house. In doing so he also took remaining family heirlooms (( family Bible etc. Not worth anything money wise but obviously meant something )) and a lot of other things he kept.

This meant he now owned one house and also had my Nana's.

My mum was obviously upset about this, more about how he did it. And what he did. He paid off uncle one immediately and told my mum he'd pay her with rental from the other house. This came in dribs and drabs and was never the full amount. It then stopped a few months later when they sold the house(( they also took their half of the rent so profited twice )) it was just left. But my mum refused to sign it over as she wasn't happy.

They've since admitted they hadn't paid the full sum. Again no major fallouts, I've always invited them to birthdays etc. Theyve taken my DD on holidays, there is no malice on my part.

Now to the present day. They want legal ownership of the house to secure the future of their disabled son.

My brother immediately kicked up a stink and said they'll have to buy the 3rd share. Based on today's valuation. They've had the house valued and the 3 siblings are happy to take the money. Still a very low sum.

And then there's me. The awkward, principled one who also has a massive guilt complex 🙄

I don't want to sign it over because of how they treated my mum. I don't feel they deserve it. I know I won't really have any hold over it but what I propose is I sign something to state that upon the death of my cousin (( let's face it we all die )) my share reverts back to me (( well my DC ))

So what would you do ? Snatch the money and go off cackling into the sunset (( yabu ))

Or do what I propose and still keep a small hold over the property to remind them they were proper shits towards a vulnerable woman ? ((Yanbu ))

And yes I know this isn't WWYD but let's face it no one goes on there.

Your uncle should pay 1/3 the current value of the house to you and your siblings. Any costs incurred for the sale if the house need to cone out of the full profit which means you pay 1/3 of this out of your part.

x-posts - I think you'd still be better taking the money and washing your hands of entire situation - bird in hand being worth to in bush type thing.

i presume you mean your siblings when you say the other 3?

I, too, would take the money and wash your hands of it all.

I voted YANBU but reading posts have changed my mind. Take the money and move on. Your DM is passed and it should have been resolved when she was alive. So, take the money and put it behind you.

It's tricky because I've always made the effort to include them, they don't have grandchildren because of their ds and they lost their DD. I do have a habit of over emphasising and that isn't a good thing 🙄

So from my point of view I don't feel right taking it. But it doesn't feel right to effectively sign away what they did either.

soon yes. My siblings. We own 1/3 between us.

I dont understand why you feel guilty. Have I missed something? You are legally entitled to your share. End of. They behaved badly. You are not.

1. Your uncle has behaved really shittily, especially towards your mum.

1. Take the money and move on. I completely understand your principled stance but this is juts going to hang over you for years and years to come. It's sad but you have to move on.

Take the money - based on a proper, independent valuation (e.g. get three agents in and take an average).

What you're proposing is too complicated and you don't sound like you have the funds to pay a solicitor to secure it properly for you.

They (the brothers, your uncles) may not have a lot of money, but they still took a lot more than your mum got before she died because of the way they behaved. So they have more to use for your cousin's care than they should have.

So I'm with your brother, make them pay you your share. How they then arrange their own finances is up to them.

Take the money and move on.

Get your share. They treated your mother worse then a shit. I would not feel sorry for them, not even for a second. Cheeky fuckers is even much too kind to describe them.

Take the money and free yourself from the past.

I would recover what was initially due sorry why should anyone else benefit

As they have admitted that your mum was never given her full share, the amount owed to her should come out of the value and be given to you + your siblings before the house value is then split into thirds. (Personally I would be adding an interest amount to that as well for their sheer cheek in what was done to your mum). I believe that would be the fair thing to do & may help in the way you can deal with it all. Best of luck.

They were utterly shitty and immoral towards your DM. You owe them no kindness. If your uncle wanted future kindness from your DM's DCs (you), he should have thought that through at the time.

Good for you for keeping up posiitve relationships.

Taking your money is a neutral act. It is neither kind not unkind. There is nothing to 'feel' anything about, unlike staying involved in some convoluted, possibly unenforcible way. It's a very neat solution.

Take the money. This is what should have happened in the first place anyway.

I am sorry you lost your mum and still have her affairs to manage.

You must speak to an independent solicitor to clarify your rights but based on what you have stated so far... You should insist you and your siblings get your share as soon as possible plus your share of the unpaid rental that was previously agreed. If this puts your uncle and his family into difficulty, that is on him and is not your responsibility.

I find it odd that on the one hand you seem to carry a long-standing grudge against your uncle because of his treatment of your mum yet you are still keen to have the semblance of a happy relationship. You may wish to have a think about your true feelings and how this might alter your family relationships in future. It isn’t healthy to carry that grudge so I suggest you would benefit emotionally as well as financially from resolving this situation. But personally I’m not sure I could bear to play happy families with those thieves, and I certainly wouldn’t worry about their welfare; they seem very able of looking out for themselves.

take the money and move on. if you don't want it, put it in trust for your kids.
keeping a hold over the house is not going to right any wrong that was done to your mum.

He behaved very badly. But if your mum were alive she'd get this money now. Yes, she should have got it then but he is making reparations. It's just that you've inherited her share. I agree with getting a proper valuation.

To make a stand would hurt your vulnerable cousin, so I'd take the money and do something in your mum's memory with it.

If your relationship with them is otherwise good, there will be no good making a stand now. Let it go.

Take the money and you and your siblings can move on
Wouldn’t your mum want you to have a bit of extra cash to do something nice with ?

I'd take it out of respect for your Nan. Her wishes were disregarded which was unfair to her. The only just way to respond to this is to get what your Mum was owed.

take it.its tying you to your mums misery was your hand of it and buy something or do something you and your mum would have loved.even if its lighting a candle on her favorite hill and tell her your finally got rid of the bastard place that caused her harm.
but let them know!why have you gone alne with being friendly with people that did her so much harm.
also if you dont take it now i suspect that they might fight dirty and they seemto do it well and i wouldnt want you to ned with even less.

take it.its tying you to your mums misery was your hand of it and buy something or do something you and your mum would have loved.even if its lighting a candle on her favorite hill and tell her your finally got rid of the bastard place that caused her harm.
but let them know!why have you gone alne with being friendly with people that did her so much harm.
also if you dont take it now i suspect that they might fight dirty and they seemto do it well and i wouldnt want you to ned with even less.