Have. Big decision to make in the next hour or so, I need the Mumsnet hive mind

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Righto.

Years ago my nan died. She had 3 DC.

Two sons, one daughter (( my mum ))

Financially the sons were ok, my mum being a single mum was poor. Very poor. And worked hard for what she had.

So nana died and the house was to be sold, the profit split 3 ways. Not a massive amount of money, not even 10s of thousands but enough that it would have made a difference to my mum.

Only it didn't get that far, we went away for a few days and whilst we were gone one of the sons took it upon himself to move into the house. In doing so he also took remaining family heirlooms (( family Bible etc. Not worth anything money wise but obviously meant something )) and a lot of other things he kept.

This meant he now owned one house and also had my Nana's.

My mum was obviously upset about this, more about how he did it. And what he did. He paid off uncle one immediately and told my mum he'd pay her with rental from the other house. This came in dribs and drabs and was never the full amount. It then stopped a few months later when they sold the house(( they also took their half of the rent so profited twice )) it was just left. But my mum refused to sign it over as she wasn't happy.

They've since admitted they hadn't paid the full sum. Again no major fallouts, I've always invited them to birthdays etc. Theyve taken my DD on holidays, there is no malice on my part.

Now to the present day. They want legal ownership of the house to secure the future of their disabled son.

My brother immediately kicked up a stink and said they'll have to buy the 3rd share. Based on today's valuation. They've had the house valued and the 3 siblings are happy to take the money. Still a very low sum.

And then there's me. The awkward, principled one who also has a massive guilt complex 🙄

I don't want to sign it over because of how they treated my mum. I don't feel they deserve it. I know I won't really have any hold over it but what I propose is I sign something to state that upon the death of my cousin (( let's face it we all die )) my share reverts back to me (( well my DC ))

So what would you do ? Snatch the money and go off cackling into the sunset (( yabu ))

Or do what I propose and still keep a small hold over the property to remind them they were proper shits towards a vulnerable woman ? ((Yanbu ))

And yes I know this isn't WWYD but let's face it no one goes on there.

You need your own solicitor, not theirs

Thanks all. I haven't long got off the phone.

I've decided to take the money, I started asking about retaining my share and the solicitor started droning on about if it was doable and legal ramifications etc. I just thought fuckit, this is taking up headspace I don't have right now and asked her to just move on with it.

It still doesn't sit particularly right but I'll deal with those thoughts as they come.

Agree with all the others who say not to drag on things with siblings... make a clean break, their attitude does not have to be your problem. Keeping hold of it would just be an albatross round your neck.

I would take the money and move on .Lifes too short and you dont need any extra drama ffs !

They took advantage of your mum and they take advantage of you. Independent valuation and request all the money or the house sold. No rent, not bits and pieces. They have had the free house for long enough.

Cousin has neurofibromatosis. I'd say he's semi independent but needs a lot of help encouraging self care etc. Bills he couldn't manage . Another thought around retaining a small share was I could put pressure on if repairs etc needed doing. I've been asked to be POA or whatever it is when they pass but I've also made it clear they need to start getting things in place now regarding his care, ideally he'd move into a flat so he's used to more independence when they go.

Family is very small, literally us and them. No other children on their side as they lost their DD and my other uncle never married. Again it makes things awkward.

I wouldn’t bother with a clause having your share revert back to you, that will just leave you with the whole thing to dredge up again in years to come. But you’re right that what is on offer isn’t reasonable recompense either. I would want a third of an independent valuation and an estimate on the value for loss of use since your uncle moved in. So your share of a third of the estimated market rent of the house with cumulative interest since the day your uncle moved in.

Who will they leave house to when they/your cousin dies, do you know? Sorry - I don’t mean to be brutal! I just think if your other uncle has no dc’s either then the lineage ends with him and your cousin/uncle dying first. You are well within your rights to want to keep the house in the family you know? It sounds to me like they are trying to guilt-trip you into selling the house to them.

Sounds like the house will be sold to pay for cousins care.

Yanbu, but then I can hold a grudge.

Shesgot my aunt has family on her side but not many. And not close. It's just all so sad really.

I'm annoyed this wasn't sorted out years ago and we didn't have the stress. The value for the house given was low but not massively so.........it's held them back in a lot of ways. They've concentrated on greed and they weren't able to move on from that. I honestly can't think of any situation where I think that sort of behaviour was ok.

Legally the best option for them and you is to do as you have done and take the value.
Please don't hand it back, use it for something nice for yourself, this is a final gift from your mum.

They shafted yr mum and Id find that hard.
Im a single parent too and my brother would never have done this and i would have been so hurt.
It is a tough one. Time to be a bit more assertive now though.

Sounds like a good decision. Please keep the money, that is surely what your Mum would have wanted. Or hold onto it to help your dc out when they are older.

Take the money. Tell your uncle that he’s a shitty person who behaved appallingly towards your mum. Cut them off. Let them be lonely and miserable. Move on, without bitterness

And your cousin isn’t your problem

YANBU but take the money and move on for your own sake and sanity.

I'm glad you decided to keep the money. Treat yourself, you deserve it.

Family is very small, literally us and them.

So now it can just be you, and the people in your life who actually love and care for you. 'Blood' family are hugely overrated compared to this.

Even though she felt very hurt by their actions, wouldn't your mum rest better thinking you'd taken the money and were then free to enjoy the rest of your life instead to holding onto the bad feeling and being tied to it?

Use today's valuation to work out how much is still owed, take the money and live your life in happiness and light.

I think you’ve made the right decision

Ah - you have taken the money. Good call, OP.

I'd still get other valuations, though.

I'd seek other valuations and also get a solicitor invited from your side to make sure it's all above board

Take the money - based on a proper, independent valuation (e.g. get three agents in and take an average). What you're proposing is too complicated and you don't sound like you have the funds to pay a solicitor to secure it properly for you.

This.
Best of luck with it all.