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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - part payment for sofa as birthday present

109 replies

Henbird · 02/03/2020 10:16

So, I am hoping to get new sofas (old ones are 20+ years old and v shabby) and my DP (who I don't live with) has offered to pay for part of the new sofas as my birthday present. I don't want to appear ungrateful but is that a crappy birthday present?? Not that it really has a bearing on things but he earns at least 3 times my salary and previous gifts have included a clock radio and socks. We have been together for 4 years now- again maybe not relevant. AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/03/2020 10:17

YANBU but have you spoken to him and told him that essential household furniture/items are not presents?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/03/2020 10:19

Were you hoping that he’d buy the new sofas, or do you not want household items?

If the latter, take the opportunity to say thanks for the lovely offer, but I’ve never really considered household stuff as a good present... I much prefer getting things that feel like luxuries, or something. Lead him in the right direction!

Delbelleber · 02/03/2020 10:19

@worralliberty I love a practical present!

Patchworksack · 02/03/2020 10:19

I think a contribution towards something practical you want/need is fine and many people would appreciate that rather than something frivolous, but if what you want is something you don't need at all but makes you feel special then tell him!
Can you afford the sofas without his contribution?

Intelinside57 · 02/03/2020 10:19

Well, you don't live together, so I guess it's not going to be partly his sofa is it. So that does make it a gift. IMHO what he earns compared to you is a bit irrelevant if you're not sharing a home.

BlackCatSleeping · 02/03/2020 10:19

Oh, gosh. I would love that as a present. But, I'm quite a practical person who hates things like bunches of flowers or jewelry.

I think people aren't mind readers, so if you'd prefer another gift, you'll probably have to let him know what sort of gifts you prefer.

Mummyshark2018 · 02/03/2020 10:21

I'd be very happy! Surely the cost of half a sofa is at least hundreds? Take the other half you were going to have to pay for the sofa and buy yourself something you like.

bluebluezoo · 02/03/2020 10:22

If you don’t live with him then it’s a perfectly acceptable present if that’s what you want.

Different if you did live with him as your present is effectively for him!

choli · 02/03/2020 10:23

Does he consider himself your partner?

Abelino · 02/03/2020 10:25

I'd love that as a present, but if you don't it wouldn't be unreasonable to say "I appreciate the thought but I'd love something a bit more like a treat, something I wouldn't buy myself" - then ideally suggest something since it doesn't sound like he's a gift-y person.

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/03/2020 10:28

Do you live together? If not it seems fairly generous really, new sofas are hardly cheap OP. If he's suggesting to chip in for sofas in his own house as a gift it's a bit weird but it sounds like you're the one that wants them and they arent a necessity so surely the amount he is spending will still be fairly generous?

You can't say it has his salary has no bearing, then mention it specifically on a thread about how you obviously feel he is being tight/unromantic. What do you want him to be getting you? Can you not just say you would prefer that instead? If you do I bet he'll get you something worth a lot less so I'd just take the offer and be grateful OP, it seems a nice thing to do to offer to pay towards something you say you want. If you find him unromantic or tight fisted generally then take him up on it. 4 years together has nothing to do with it, it's not even that long, relatively.

Babybel90 · 02/03/2020 10:29

I think that’s quite a generous gift considering you don’t live together.

Lynda07 · 02/03/2020 10:33

I think it's a lovely present.

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2020 10:35

Oh wait a minute.

Is he an actual partner or a boyfriend? That makes all the difference imo.

I mean do you own the house together/rent together but he works away or something? If so then I think it's a bit crap.

If it's your house and he has no financial ties to it, then it's not a bad gift.

FortunesFave · 02/03/2020 10:35

You're an adult...it's a good gift. I'd be happy...were you hoping for perfume and flowers? Or for him to pay for the whole thing?

HollowTalk · 02/03/2020 10:38

But he's really saying, "I'll give you a lot of money for your birthday," isn't he? What's wrong with that!!

Princessfaffalot · 02/03/2020 10:39

His precious presents sound a bit shit but I’d be really happy with this!

Princessfaffalot · 02/03/2020 10:40

Previous...they certainly weren’t precious!

Original poster
Henbird · 02/03/2020 10:40

I was hoping for something more romantic/frivolous and I have mentioned flowers/jewellery in the past (nothing fancy though). It is a generous offer but its not about the money - more the lack of imagination when I have pointed out things I like that I wouldn't buy for myself as too frivolous! I think I should appreciate his offer and maybe rely on me to spoil myself every now and again!

OP posts:
Jessie9323 · 02/03/2020 10:40

I'm 100% up for practical presents! I'd rather the money went on a part payment for a new sofa than something I didn't need or a waste like dinner out

KidLorneRoll · 02/03/2020 10:41

You want new sofas.

Partner has offered to help you buy something you want.

What a bastard.

MonsteraDeliciosa · 02/03/2020 10:51

What a generous gift!
If you were buying sofas anyway, this will save you hundreds, so you can treat yourself to pointless crap.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/03/2020 10:51

It sounds as if he thinks he's contributing to something you have said you wanted.

If you'd prefer different presents (jewellery etc) then you need to tell him. He can't read your mind.

AlanRickmanFanClub · 02/03/2020 10:55

You could say no thank you and get another pair of socks?

MikeUniformMike · 02/03/2020 10:55

Flowers only last about a week.