AIBU - part payment for sofa as birthday present

[Henbird]

So, I am hoping to get new sofas (old ones are 20+ years old and v shabby) and my DP (who I don't live with) has offered to pay for part of the new sofas as my birthday present. I don't want to appear ungrateful but is that a crappy birthday present?? Not that it really has a bearing on things but he earns at least 3 times my salary and previous gifts have included a clock radio and socks. We have been together for 4 years now- again maybe not relevant. AIBU?

If this wee a husband or partner you lived with, I’d be annoyed that a joint household item would be classed as your birthday present

However, this guy doesn’t live with you. What his earnings are doesn’t matter as he’s offering a present free and clear to you (ie, not a joint item) and you actually want a new sofa.

He’s spending money regardless of it’s the sofa or something else. Yabu to be annoyed he suggested it. Just tell him what you’d actually like as a present. But don’t think he needs to otherwise contribute to your sofa purchase. That’s your possession, not a joint one.

I think it’s a brilliant present but I get more pleasure from living in a nice environment than I would from jewellery or flowers. So it sounds as though you’re not on the same wavelength when it comes to presents, that’s all. You might have to spell out to him that you want frivolous romantic stuff?

Oh I would love that!
For my last birthday mum and dad paid for someone to decorate my (tiny) porch and my sister paid for the wall paper.
I love practical but long term gifts.
I would very much like someone to pay towards a new sofa for me!

Everyone who's saying "people show their love in different ways" or something about a "cunty way to think" (?!) - please remember that the OP started a thread about this. This will not be the only issue. There are other issues. There are always other issues when people are finally moved to start a thread.

If the OP felt adored, loved and cherished by her partner, she'd love a sofa and she wouldn't have started this thread. But she doesn't. She has repeatedly said she's told him she'd prefer frivolous, fun gifts from him. And her birthday is coming up - a chance for him to prove he'd listened to her. But instead he just offered to throw money at the problem make a part-payment towards something she'd already picked out for herself anyway.

It's not thoughtful or romantic. Therefore he's either a lazy clueless person, or just not that motivated to make her happy.

I think YABU to think the offer is crap, but YANBU to say “That’s a kind offer but it’s really not the sort of thing O want as a present. I don’t need you to buy me the practical things in life. I’m self-supporting! Buy me something fun or romantic.”

Tell him what you’d prefer. And look up languages of love together. Some people feel loved by being given presents, he doesn’t do he doesn’t get that about you. If you told hun, ask world be well.

Thanks for the comments - both those who think I am being unreasonable and those who don't. I'm going to step away now as a couple of the messages seem really quite aggressive and I don't need that right now. Thanks again.

Some of these replies have me stumped. If all money is “family money” (which of course it always has to be on MN) then presents are never really presents. So moaning that your husband bought himself jeans when he went to “buy you” jeans makes no sense. I don’t understand how people “buy each other” anything if it’s all the same bloody money, and then moan about it. Just get what you want out of the joint account.

In the OPs case, why on earth can’t you buy yourself what you want out of your own money? You are giving the impression of a delicate little blossom waiting for a big strong man to sweep in and shower you with luxuries. It’s a bit of an outdated attitude! 🤣 If you wanted some bloody jewellery just buy some. You don’t live together, so his earnings are none of your concern.

I think Valentines Day is a load of crap too. I don’t rely on a one day a year money spending excuse to show me I’m special. There are many other much less romantic but much more useful ways he does that.

You are giving the impression of a delicate little blossom waiting for a big strong man to sweep in and shower you with luxuries. It’s a bit of an outdated attitude! 🤣

I think that's very unkind to say.

We all want to feel cherished and appreciated. We all get that need met in different ways. If someone feels loved by having their partner, male or female, show they have thought about their likes and dislikes and have got a token of that affection that is not something to be mocked.