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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - part payment for sofa as birthday present

109 replies

Henbird · 02/03/2020 10:16

So, I am hoping to get new sofas (old ones are 20+ years old and v shabby) and my DP (who I don't live with) has offered to pay for part of the new sofas as my birthday present. I don't want to appear ungrateful but is that a crappy birthday present?? Not that it really has a bearing on things but he earns at least 3 times my salary and previous gifts have included a clock radio and socks. We have been together for 4 years now- again maybe not relevant. AIBU?

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 02/03/2020 10:55

I find it really hard to spend money on frivolous things so I'd be more likely to suggest a useful present to someone!

Mrsjayy · 02/03/2020 10:56

He sounds very "practical" but money towards a new sofa is quite generous ,but if it isn't your thing you have to tell him be straight.

mencken · 02/03/2020 10:56

perhaps time to stop being the girly useless tat type (sparkly crap, smelly crap, flowers that die in a week) and recognise this generous gesture for what it is, just that.

sounds a nice bloke to me.

gingersausage · 02/03/2020 10:59

Yeah what an arsehole giving you hundreds of pounds towards some sofas instead of a bunch of shite flowers 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Henbird · 02/03/2020 11:02

OK - sounds like I'm being really ungrateful and way too girly with the frivolous expectation. Part of a sofa it is! I can dedicated a cushion to him.

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 02/03/2020 11:02

If my dp offered to pay off some of my sofa payment I’d be over the moon 😳
I mean really, it would save me loads!!

Mrsjayy · 02/03/2020 11:05

There is nothing wrong with girly sparkly crap I don't know why a pp poster was so rude to you there really is no need. Just buy yourself something shiny with the money saved from the sofa present Wink

CalmdownJanet · 02/03/2020 11:05

Household gifts are pretty shit/cheeky presents if you live together and they are mutually beneficial but you don't live together so I think this makes it different and I'd be delighted

shinyredbus · 02/03/2020 11:06

Jesus wept. You’re being incredibly ungrateful.

FortunesFave · 02/03/2020 11:10

Say "It's so kind of you to offer to help pay for the sofa but I'd love it if you'd get me something a bit more frivolous...like a bracelet from X shop"

Some men need it spelling out.

totallydevoidofideas · 02/03/2020 11:11

Sounds a brilliant gift to me but then I'm extremely old and don't want any more earrings or scarves or weekends away unless I choose them myself. A sofa is great!

Lippy1234 · 02/03/2020 11:11

I think part of a sofa is a great present.

totallydevoidofideas · 02/03/2020 11:11

LTB!!

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 02/03/2020 11:12

OP why don't you just tell him what you want?

He is not being unreasonable for suggesting it, you are not being unreasonable for not wanting it, but you are being unreasonable for not telling him!

Nearlyalmost50 · 02/03/2020 11:14

This is just me, but I would rather get a sofa off Gumtree or FB marketplace (if you look often there are a lot of nearly new ones as people want a different one/upgrade a lot) and have a nice birthday meal out with him instead.

I wouldn't pay £££ for a sofa, and I prefer romance.

Each to their own, though, I don't think his offer is insulting but I would also want flowers/meal/something because that's what I prefer.

MumW · 02/03/2020 11:15

I spell it out that I don't want household items as gifts.

I got especially narked when he took me out to buy me some Jeans for my birthday and came home with some himself - we were married and the money for both came out of the joint account.ShockConfusedAngry

starfishmummy · 02/03/2020 11:15

I loke my oresents to be something personal and maybe a bit frivolous but Im married to someone who is quite happy to receive pants and socks. Mixed bkessing - hes easy to buy for but lacks imagination when he gets me something!!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/03/2020 11:21

My DH is utterly practical and wants and gives practical presents.

If I don’t want a practical present I tell him. I have even given him a wish list and asked him to choose something off it.

I get something I want and he doesn’t wander around shops feeling bemused because he doesn’t know what to buy.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 02/03/2020 11:25

And they say romance is dead.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2020 11:26

Just tell him you'd rather some jewellery or something instead?

Luunaa · 02/03/2020 11:26

I think it's a good gift. My DW and I often buy each other practical gifts these days but then we've been married forever and are long past the frivolous gift buying stage. If I want something pretty these days I buy it for myself!

GrumpysOtherHalf · 02/03/2020 11:27

Considering previous gifts I think you're doing well to be offered part payment on the sofa! Grin

It's a well meaning thought albeit not the most romantic of gestures. I'd take the half payment and be grateful it wasn't more socks

Flutteringsatlast · 02/03/2020 11:28

Dh once told me he had got me a present...
Was a bottle of shampoo...

riotlady · 02/03/2020 11:28

Sounds fine to me but if you’d rather have something else just say so!

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 02/03/2020 11:31

I have pointed out things I like that I wouldn't buy for myself as too frivolous

This is your real problem, the fact that you are not able to buy yourself what you want.