To not let mil look after baby at her house.

[namechange2309]

I return to work next month following maternity leave. Will be working 3 days. My mum will be having baby on one day and going to nursery the other 2 days. Unfortunately my brother has had to have heart surgery so mum is focusing on his recovery, so we are going to put baby in nursery an extra day.
Here's the difficult part. Mil has offered to gave baby on the Monday. I have said no. AIBU?
Bit of background. Mil helps SIL everyday with her kids (7 under 11). They do all school runs and feed them tea at her house. SIL also has 5 dogs so mil has to help her walk these daily too. SIL does not work.
I don't feel bsby will get attention she needs.
Mil is also a bit of a hoarder. Piles of books eveywhere. Prepares food on dining table where dogs sit (they also have 2).
I have said if mil has baby at our house we could look at it but this won't happen. There's more things but what's your thoughts.

7 under 11??

Just thank her but say she's already got enough on her plate.

Then invite her over for lunch so she can have some quiet, non childminding time with your DC.

Yanbu it sounds chaotic and of no benefit to you baby, it will probably just stress you out too so nursery is definitely the better option

If you're not happy about your baby going there, you need to be honest with her.
You feel having so many other children there will be hard on your baby
You're concerned about the hygiene
However, the first argument won't hold as there are far more children at a nursery.

Why don't you give it a go and see how you feel after a few weeks?

7 kids?! I can barely cope with 2 at the moment!

What are your other options? Are you able to do full time at the nursery for a couple of months?

A nursery is different, as there are strict ratios in place.

Absolutely not, I’m in a similar situation no where near as chaotic as that but nursery will just put your mind at ease and allow you to concentrate on your job.

You need to do what you are most comfortable with. It sounds as though your baby will be better stimulated in the nursery environment and that will work best for you. You are unreasonable to suggest MIL has the baby at your house though- if you are agreeing to her helping it should be on her terms, not yours. If those terms don’t work for you then fair enough but you need to have an alternative

7 children and 5 dogs everyday? Poor woman is never going to get her life back

MIL sounds more than busy enough, I think!

Your dil has 7 dc and 5 dogs and doesn't work or look after her dc? Is she ill?
No I don't think your mil can really manage a baby with everything else going on.

It's tricky because offering your own home makes it plain you don't like her environment but if what you've put is right I wouldn't be keen on dogs on the table and tripping hazards everywhere.

Your responsibility is to keep your baby safe.

I would do what @Nanny0gg has suggested.

@Soontobe60 there may be more children at nursery, but the child to adult ratio will be higher than the children being at MiL house.

Yanbu.
I'd not be happy with that set up at all.
I fear she'd be too busy to give DD the attention she needs.
I'd also massively worry about the dogs.

YANBU

People just love to hate MIL don't they.
I'm sure she'll cope just fine with your baby and it'll have the attention it needs. If you only want your mum to do it, then do that.

I like how involved MIL is (even if SIL is taking the piss). You can't dictate to someone where they can do you a massive favour.

Sorry sil , autocorrect.

I have an alternative. An Extra day at nursery. I also don't think I'm unreasonable to suggest my house. It's safe for a start and clean. One of SIL kids fell in the fish pond last summer whilst in mil and SIL care. The dogs jump up and are never cleaned after a muddy walk.
I always invite mil over but she is always swamped with SIL. She's seen baby twice this year. We live 4 miles away. Both times I took baby there but I can't put her on the floor do it's hard.
I thought my house was a good compromise.

Follow your intuition here - sounds like your MIL has lots of experience and enjoys being involved with her grandchildren. Great. But I would prefer a nursery setting myself. Is cost an issue? If not, just decide what you prefer and thank her very much for the kind offer. I wouldn't get into justifying the decision.

Your SIL has seven children under the age of 11?!?! And five dogs?!?!

@sparklefarts she sure does. I'm not happy about the potential of 7 dogs being around my baby for a start 🙈. We have one but he is never alone with the kids.

SIL is not ill or disabled.

I don't think this is remotely mother in law hating. OK can clearly see that many kids and many dogs is not a great setting for baby sitting.

Just send your baby to nursery for three days. Your MIL sounds well-meaning, but if she's already got 7 DC and 5 dogs to look after no way is she going to give your baby the attention she needs. Plus, it doesn't sound very hygienic. Your plan to have her come to your house won't work - she can't possibly leave that circus at her house unsupervised for a day.

Christ that's some house hold. Where the heck does she keep them all?!?

I'd definitely send to nursery. Thank MIL for her kind offer, but say she already has enough on her hands

I just can’t get over having 7 children and 5 dogs.

YANBU, btw.

So there's the truth. You don't trust MIL/SIL, don't think it's clean enough for a baby and you're worried about the dogs.
Say thank you MIL for her lovely offer, but you already have cover. Then put your child in nursery and you don't have to worry about anything.

Noooo! Do not let mil look after your baby. Madness.