To not let mil look after baby at her house.

[namechange2309]

I return to work next month following maternity leave. Will be working 3 days. My mum will be having baby on one day and going to nursery the other 2 days. Unfortunately my brother has had to have heart surgery so mum is focusing on his recovery, so we are going to put baby in nursery an extra day.
Here's the difficult part. Mil has offered to gave baby on the Monday. I have said no. AIBU?
Bit of background. Mil helps SIL everyday with her kids (7 under 11). They do all school runs and feed them tea at her house. SIL also has 5 dogs so mil has to help her walk these daily too. SIL does not work.
I don't feel bsby will get attention she needs.
Mil is also a bit of a hoarder. Piles of books eveywhere. Prepares food on dining table where dogs sit (they also have 2).
I have said if mil has baby at our house we could look at it but this won't happen. There's more things but what's your thoughts.

@TARSCOUT he hates his mums house. His bedroom used to be the only clean and tidy room in the house. He was always too embarrassed to have friends round.
I grew up with dogs and one of 7 but the mud stayed outside and wasn't brought inside. My mum also didn't prepare food on the same surface as said muddy dogs. I'm also worried about baby pulling over a pile of books onto herself or being knocked over by the dogs. They aren't small. She's only 8 months.

7 children under 11 and 5 dogs... And doesn't work?? It's a shame that your SIL has forced all responsibilities that she should have onto her mother. It's so selfish. I'd tell your MIL that she's taken on too many responsibilities already...

Clearly your baby wouldn't get the care she needs I find it crazy anyone would think otherwise! She has 7 kids 5 dogs and SIL to deal with add a baby to that and it's just asking for trouble.

Maybe when baby is older and more able to look after herself then great all the cousins together at nannies but until then FGS get an extra day at nursery!

@Neron where is the mother in law hatred?!

And @Menmy3 Would you be happy to hand your baby over to someone who’s already harassed, looking after seven kids under 11, seven dogs (including five badly trained ones by the sound of it) and her overwhelmed/hopeless daughter? No.

It sounds chaos. Send the baby to nursery.

Make your own decision, but re: the comment about them being ‘non professionals’ - those in the nursery are likely to be low or non-qualified (to save money) very young girls on minimum wage. Often temporary. Hardly a substitute for a loving family with many children.

So how many kids does MIL look after & why if SIL doesn't work?

So she helps with the school run & then what?

Does she not have the day to herself whilst her daughter takes the non school kids home?

Well, she's certainly left herself little time to see your child by the sounds of things.

@Spanielmadness I used to run and own my own day nursery so believe me when I said I was very picky when choosing the one I've gone for.

Your MIL has enough on her plate. She probably offered because your DM cancelled but it is not realistic. I'd just say you really appreciate the offer but she already has a lot on and you have the nursery so will be fine.

Oh god even the sound of this gives me anxiety! But I am not comfortable with dogs and children without constant supervision. It also sounds like there’s a high chance your little one could be hurt just in the chaos of the other children.

@diddl the younger kids are round there all day and she has to help SIL walk her dogs.

I used to run and own my own day nursery so believe me when I said I was very picky when choosing the one I've gone for

Why are you even asking this question then?

@recycledbottle my mum didn't cancel as such. My brother has had a heart valve replacement so I've told mum it'd be better for her to focus on my brother rather than take on too much. My parents offered to pay for the extra nursery day but we won't accept that as baby is our child.

@NoSauce because you said about how staff are under qualified and I wanted an opinion on if I was being under to mil by saying no to her offer of help.

Sounds like a complete mare! You didn’t say how old your mil is but I wouldn’t even leave 1 child for longer periods with an older person, with anymore than 1 it’s just too chaotic as someone already said.
Just do what’s right for you. It’s your life, don’t let them dictate anything!

Of course YANBU. Your MIL has far too much going on. How can being at your house be a good compromise? She will still have the dogs and other children to look after so they'll all just be at your house instead. Unless you're willing to clean up after all of those dogs and children when you've been at work all day...

If you ran your own nursery you’ll know what the differences will be between a good one and a chaotic house. I just don’t think many people would want this sort of set-up and it’s not ideal for a baby. Even something basic like naps. How would the baby ever get a chance to sleep properly etc? The risk of the baby being left unattended with the dogs etc. Just thank you but no thanks and draw a line.

@SillySpaniel they wouldn't come to my house! 😱 I offered my house so mil could escape.
FIL comes to our house for peace and quiet and we have 4 children and 1 dog. Not chaotic though

SIL is not ill or disabled.
SIL does not work

Is this actually a stealth benefit bashing thread?

Definitely not @Moomin8 her husband has a very well paid job.

"the younger kids are round there all day and she has to help SIL walk her dogs."

Well to be fair, she chooses to.

So no, she can't also look after your baby.

How far apart are you all?

Could she be trusted at your house or would SIL, kids & dogs also turn up?

she's already got 7 DC and 5 dogs
7 dogs when you add in MIL's own two.

The only thing is, it's only after the children finish school that it's quite that hectic, isn't it? Most of the day MIL would just have her own dogs and potentially OP's baby. (But if you're not happy, then don't do it. It might cause more offence to start and then say it's not good enough.)

You are making the right decision

Ok this thread is just getting more and more ridiculous!

Op, you ran a day care and you’re on here asking if you should leave your 8 month old in an unsanitary, dirty, 7 dog, 7 child filled house? Yeah, ok.

Also, why would your mother offer to pay 1 days nursery for your child? Non of this makes sense

Well, an attack on her at the very least then? It doesn't seem relevant to suggest your SIL doesn't need the help. I think it's obvious that some parents do like to be a very big part of their child's life & that might be what's going on here.

I do get a bit irritated though when people cast judgement on others without really knowing the full story.

So FIL who uses your house as an escape hasn't offered??