To not let mil look after baby at her house.

[namechange2309]

I return to work next month following maternity leave. Will be working 3 days. My mum will be having baby on one day and going to nursery the other 2 days. Unfortunately my brother has had to have heart surgery so mum is focusing on his recovery, so we are going to put baby in nursery an extra day.
Here's the difficult part. Mil has offered to gave baby on the Monday. I have said no. AIBU?
Bit of background. Mil helps SIL everyday with her kids (7 under 11). They do all school runs and feed them tea at her house. SIL also has 5 dogs so mil has to help her walk these daily too. SIL does not work.
I don't feel bsby will get attention she needs.
Mil is also a bit of a hoarder. Piles of books eveywhere. Prepares food on dining table where dogs sit (they also have 2).
I have said if mil has baby at our house we could look at it but this won't happen. There's more things but what's your thoughts.

Your house is a good compromise. Maybe she's ready for a rest from SIL.

Soontobe60 There might be more at nursery but the ratio would be 1:3. Adding a baby into a mix of 7 under 11 and multiple dogs sounds crazy to me.

3 days would probably give an easier settling in period than 2.

@OhWellThatsJustGreat

The ratio for a child under 2 is 1:3, so with 8 kids and 2 adults (MIL and SIL), the ratio is only 1:4, and the ratio for 3+ is 1:8 so it really depends on the ages of the other children... And as OP mentions "school runs", one would assume that some of those children are in school for the majority of the day, so it would only be the mealtimes where the ratio is so high. That's just my assumption though, I could be wrong.

Obviously OP, so what you think is right, but the hygiene issue would be more of a concern to me than the child not getting attention, as she will have lots of cousins to play with, and at nursery each staff member will also be looking after 2 other kids.

Honestly I think you are! Being around her cousins, auntie and nan sounds lovely! Personally don’t see a problem with the dogs x

No, your poor MIL has enough to cope with.

'Just thank her but say she's already got enough on her plate.'

Perfect

Why even enter into negotiations re coming to your house?

You know she won't go for that due to all her current commitments and it may just cause friction.

The above sentence as per first post is fine.

YANBU

No way. They wouldn’t have the attention needed to devote to a baby. That many dogs sounds a hazard in itself and the age ranges of the children mean they’ll all have different needs. I’d use nursery where they have similar aged children and a better ratio of adults to children.

You say you can’t put your baby on the floor when you visit - they would because they’d probably have to. Also if MIL has only met them twice whilst living 4 miles away, she’s clearly not fussed about forming a deep bond with them.

@Menmy3 it's not that I don't trust mil it's the fact I feel it's too much. Cousins are lovely yes, but they are always fighting and SIL Doesn't have much control. She has way too much than she can handle.
The dogs are a concern to me as I know she wouldn't think anything of leaving baby whilst she went to the loo with all the dogs.
It's the hygiene over food that worries me too.
I'm not a precious first tome mum either. We have 3 older children.

@NoSauce me and DP are worried about her mental health at times. She always looks exhausted. After she has been away for a week she looks a different person. So much younger and relaxed.

YANBU! I agree with PP, thank her, be grateful (it really is a kind offer with everything else your MIL has going on) but politely decline and send your baby to nursery.
Dirty dogs jumping up at my baby? 7 other kids pawing at my baby with only two non-professional adults around? Not a chance. I'm already apprehensive about my in laws' house and they just have two (fairly unmanageable) big dogs. Don't think I'll be leaving my baby with them there.

No way! Use nursery for the other day. MIL’s house sounds chaotic and I wouldn’t want my baby there whether the house occupant was my MIL, my sister, my best friend, etc

I wouldn’t give a reason because she might just think you’re refusing to be polite and then she’ll try to push you to accept. Simply thank her for the offer, but say baby is now booked in for 3 days at nursery and there’s no longer any issue re childcare problems.

It depends on how well your SILs children are being brought up and i don't mean a hundred and one different after school activities.

Some people manage children well. It's the norm in some cultures for large families to be primarily brought up by the MIL and Mother. Not all of those families failed.

While the baby is very young perhaps use day care, but i wouldn't necessarily dismiss it for the future. MN is very anti-family, but families can work well, especially extended families.

You initially said 5 dogs, now its 7, and there seems to be 6 days of the week?

She always looks exhausted. After she has been away for a week she looks a different person. So much younger and relaxed.

In that case invite her to look after baby at your house. It will be a doddle and a break for her after 7!!

I agree thank her profusely for the offer, but tell her she has enough to deal with!
Let her visit you in a house of nice calm. It will be a break for her!! I feel a bit sorry for MIL.

@TabbyMumz the in laws have 2 dogs and the SIL has 5 dogs, hence the potential of 7 dogs at times.
Where have you got 6 days from?

Tabbymumz - the sil has 5 dogs, mil has 2 dogs.

That's crazy, and grandmother or not she's only seen the baby twice, she's barely any more familiar than a nursery worker but sounds like nursery will be a lot less chaotic.

I actually can't believe you even seem to be considering it.

She's seen baby twice in 3 months and The poor woman is clearly up to her eyeballs helping with her Dd brood.

@gladysinthepicture we do too. It causes tension between DP and his sister as he feels she's taking the piss out of his mum. His mum finds it difficult to say no as she feels that the kids would suffer otherwise.
Even on weekends when SIL husband is home. The in-laws still have some kids as they can't all fit in tie car together for trips out.

I would definitely say no to MIL looking after the baby with so much on her plate already, sounds like an accident waiting to happen!

Christ almighty; 7 kids and 5 dogs?! And then offering to look after a baby? Hell no!

An undoubtably kind offer from your MIL, but an unpractical one. With that much going on she can't possibly give your baby the level of care and attention a baby needs, plus with that many dogs safety had to be taken into consideration with a young baby.

You've made the right decision by choosing an extra day in nursery.

Apart from the fishpond issue it sounds like how DP.and I grew up. Mucky dogs and kids, brilliant fun. However if this is not your idea of raising a child then use a nursery. It's yourchild so you decide. Also I assume your DP grew up like this and he turned out ok?.what's his opinion?

God no!Sounds like she is bogged down already without another baby into the mix either at her own house OR your house. She must be so bogged down. I don't get why you would even suggest her taking the baby in your own home when the woman is run ragged already.

I definitely wouldn't be handing my baby over to someone who is already busy with dogs and other kids. I am surprised your even considering it given she can't have any relationship with your baby is she has only seen her twice