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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let mil look after baby at her house.

112 replies

namechange2309 · 01/03/2020 08:54

I return to work next month following maternity leave. Will be working 3 days. My mum will be having baby on one day and going to nursery the other 2 days. Unfortunately my brother has had to have heart surgery so mum is focusing on his recovery, so we are going to put baby in nursery an extra day.
Here's the difficult part. Mil has offered to gave baby on the Monday. I have said no. AIBU?
Bit of background. Mil helps SIL everyday with her kids (7 under 11). They do all school runs and feed them tea at her house. SIL also has 5 dogs so mil has to help her walk these daily too. SIL does not work.
I don't feel bsby will get attention she needs.
Mil is also a bit of a hoarder. Piles of books eveywhere. Prepares food on dining table where dogs sit (they also have 2).
I have said if mil has baby at our house we could look at it but this won't happen. There's more things but what's your thoughts.

OP posts:
namechange2309 · 01/03/2020 11:52

@GrumpyHoonMain my mum offered. It's what she wants to do. She lives in another town so is excited about one day per week of baby tlme. She isn't a older nana either.

OP posts:
Sparklynails7 · 01/03/2020 12:09

@JKScot4 best response so far😂 if you have that many children then you need to become an adult and accept responsibilities.

GrumpyHoonMain · 01/03/2020 12:10

She isn't a older nana either.

Being younger still doesn’t mean she can cope with your brother’s needs and the baby’s. You should not put her on the spot and just organise childcare.

PeterPanGoesWrong · 01/03/2020 12:14

Baby is your responsibility, you don’t need mumsnet to tell you how to best care for your child.

If you’re genuinely worried about offending mil, tell her you’ve secured a spot at nursery, if you give it up you will never get that opportunity again.
But you don’t need anyone’s permission to tell mil thanks, but no thanks.

namechange2309 · 01/03/2020 12:33

@GrumpyHoonMain I haven't put her on the spot. She asked if she could do it. We'd happily pay for 3 days. My brother will be recovered and back at college soon enough. He's 26 not a child.

OP posts:
namechange2309 · 01/03/2020 15:10

We've spoken to mil and have offered to take her for Sunday lunch to say thank you for the offer.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 01/03/2020 15:31

Don't make it about MIL's care. Getting used to being left at nursery will be quite enough to be going on with, and you think she'll get used to it more easily if she's at the same place each day.

GinDrinker00 · 01/03/2020 15:46

Blimey why did your SIL have 7 kids and 5 dogs is she can’t cope? I would just be honest and say she has enough on her plate without adding a baby into the mix, poor woman must be run to the ground. She’ll probably be secretly greatful.

Purpleartichoke · 01/03/2020 15:51

I would Never leave my infant in the care of someone responsible for so many children, even without the presence of the dogs.

nimsem2 · 01/03/2020 16:02

7 children and 5 dogs!! Does she have a partner?

Must be nice to have so many children and leave them for someone else to look after. NOT

namechange2309 · 01/03/2020 19:57

Yes she is married. Her husband works long hours so is out the house from 7 until 6.

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 01/03/2020 20:22

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this and it sounds like your MIL has enough on her plate.

Much less stress to just do another day at nursery.

7kids under 11 and five dogsShock no wonder your SIL needs some help.

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