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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People using lifts

455 replies

Aquarius1619 · 29/02/2020 18:59

I’m actually a bit annoyed at myself for being petty enough to post this.
But this really got under my skin today!! I have an 11 month old who isn’t keen on the pram, will sit in there for 15 minutes or so but as soon as I stop moving she has a meltdown.
So we were waiting for the lift as we were parked on floor 5 in the local shopping mall today and I was stood behind a queue of people waiting to use the lift. People with no shopping, no kids, just didn’t want to use the stairs. And it took 20 minutes for me to get in the lift because each time it would come to my floor it was full of people with no kids, no wheelchairs, no walking sticks so then we’d wait for the next one then one of the people in front of me with nothing to carry would get in it. I know every disability isn’t visible either but FFS I’m talking a load of people here. By the time some of them had eventually got in the lift it would’ve been quicker for them to have walked up and down the whole place! Meanwhile DD is having a meltdown because we’d been stood around for ages. Is it unreasonable to expect people to just use the stairs and free up the lifts for people who actually need them? If I have no pram with me I always use the stairs

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 03/03/2020 20:07

LolaSmiles
Thanks. Ah sarcasm. 😁 I missed that. I was surprised coming from you tbh.

WalkingDead
Illegal. But if it happened, I’d expect the disabled people to be dead from starvation.

squeekums · 03/03/2020 21:19

Stand your ground, get your sharp elbows out and get in that lift

If someone got their elbows out to cut me off in line simply cos they think a baby means they more entitled, well i would get my elbows out too
2 can play that game
Wait your turn

Rubyupbeat · 04/03/2020 02:03

I can understand your frustration, but sometimes people just wantbyhd lift because they are tired.
I prefer the lift as I have a joint condition, which is aggravated by walking up or down stairs, I can walk fine on the flat, so have no stick.

Namechangeforwhat · 04/03/2020 05:46

Op I am with you. I use the pram for DS and very often when I arrive at the train station there are loads of people who seem perfectly able to use the stairs (people who are pregnant/ need a seat in the train wear a sign on their clothes or their bags here so it’s obvious to other commuters) and they are using the lift whilst I NEED it and nearly miss my train sometimes because I have to wait.
It pisses me off nearly just as much as when I was pregnant and you see young / healthy people sitting in a priority seat and I had to nearly stick my very heavily pregnant belly in their face until they would get up and give me the seat. Very annoying.

LolaSmiles · 04/03/2020 06:12

Namechangeforwhat
You do realise that not everyone who needs to use the lift wants to wear a badge advertising it.

If you were pushed for time that you nearly miss your train then setting off earlier would be good, or a simple "excuse me could I jump in as I'm getting the 13.07 in a couple of minutes" would suffice. Most people aren't arseholes so would probably squeeze up or let you jump in front as long as it wouldn't risk their train. If not, and they also have a train due soon, then the queue still stands because having a buggy doesn't make your train more important than theirs.

What's more of an arsehole attitude is deciding that to really need the lift people should wear a badge (aka I want to know whether I have grounds to moan about a queue in a busy place).

Maduixa · 04/03/2020 06:29

... we’d wait for the next one then one of the people in front of me with nothing to carry would get in it.

This seems to be the crux. If someone who was there before you gets into the lift before you, fair game. If someone who arrives after you goes in front, it's a problem. I travel a lot, and often use lifts if I have wheely suitcase with me. I'd ask someone in a wheelchair or with a pram to go ahead of me, but I know not all disabilities are visible. 20 minutes wait for a lift on a regular basis sounds onerous - maybe write to the venue with your experience/concerns?

Namechangeforwhat · 04/03/2020 06:34

@LolaSmiles

Who pissed on your cornflakes this morning?

I live in Japan, people DO wear a sign here to indicate they are pregnant or have a medical condition. So it’s clear who needs to use the lift and who is just using it for their convenience.

Society is much more organized here then in - I dare say it - most Western countries and it has nothing to do with an ‘arsehole attitude’. People know what they can expect from others and that includes wearing a sign to indicate you’re less capable then others to stand in a train/ use the stairs.

No need to be so rude and hostile when you are clearly not aware of how situations are in other parts of the world and you’re judging solely based from your own (UK) perspective.

Sirzy · 04/03/2020 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sassanacs · 04/03/2020 06:54

YANBU, yes everyone is entitled to use the lift but the same way anyone with manners would allow a clearly disabled person to enter the lift first, the same courtesy should be afforded to people with small children/buggies because they have no choice but to take the lift.

I often feel invisible when I have my children with me as people are just self-serving and bloody rude.

Namechangeforwhat · 04/03/2020 06:55

@Sirzy

🤦‍♀️

I am really sorry that it’s so hard for you to understand that societies in other parts of the world work in a different way and that appearently your way to deal with that inability is to call others rude.

Sirzy · 04/03/2020 07:02

you Are the one being rude. You also expected people to miraculously realise that on a predominantly English based site, or a thread that there is nothing to suggest isn’t about England you where talking about a different country.

And irrespective of where you are in the world nobody should have to public lake display their disability to avoid being judged. Everyone is entitled to privacy and dignity including those with disabilities.

Perhaps we could make people walk around with “I’m a judgemental arsehole” on a badge instead.

LolaSmiles · 04/03/2020 07:06

Society is much more organized here then in - I dare say it - most Western countries and it has nothing to do with an ‘arsehole attitude’. People know what they can expect from others and that includes wearing a sign to indicate you’re less capable then others to stand in a train/ use the stairs.
I don't think it's more organised for people to decide that others have to wear a badge to prove to others they are worthy of using the lift.
If people are judged for using the lift when not wearing a special badge then in my opinion that is an arsehole attitude.

What happens if someone changes coat and doesn't have their special badge on? Should they not use the lift for fear of annoying rushed ladies with buggies? Are they magically less in need? With their badge they're deserving on Monday but without it on Tuesday they're just using the lift for their own convenience and it's fair game to be annoyed at them existing in the queue?

Nothing to do with anyone pissing in my cornflakes, thank you.

Why should someone need to advertise their disability just so rude people like you don’t judge them?
Exactly this.

I am really sorry that it’s so hard for you to understand that societies in other parts of the world work in a different way and that appearently your way to deal with that inability is to call others rude
Aka if you happen to think that people shouldn't have to declare they have a disability on a badge to avoid being judged going about their daily business then bless you for not being capable of understanding how more organised places work.

SunsetYorks · 04/03/2020 07:12

I have a breathing difficulty so I tske the lift, but I look perfectly fine so you’d never know.

TabbyMumz · 04/03/2020 07:19

"you see young / healthy people sitting in a priority seat"
Oh dear...you've obviously missed the hidden disability threads!!!

LolaSmiles · 04/03/2020 07:19

SunsetYorks
That's the problem, you don't look worthy of using the lift so what you really need is a special badge to wear so that the lift police can know that it's ok for you to be in the queue/lift. Otherwise people might think you're stealing a space from a very important buggy. Grin

Maduixa · 04/03/2020 07:56

... on a predominantly English based site, or a thread that there is nothing to suggest isn’t about England ...

Wow. It's a UK site, ya numpty.

Sirzy · 04/03/2020 07:58

Sorry my mistake! But the rest of the point still stands.

Namechangeforwhat · 04/03/2020 08:02

@Sirzy

Appearently reading properly is hard for you as well. I posted earlier that I live in Japan. You posted after that Hmm. Unless you’re LolaSmiles posting under another name?

And @LolaSmiles

What you, me or anyone else thinks about wearing those badges is irrelevant. This is the system here and people interact with each other based on that. You clearly have some frustrations regarding this given your rather angry posts but I’m not the one who has invented this system. I simply use it just like anyone else here. If you don’t like it, stay in the UK so you never have to use it/ write a complaint to the Japanese government but no need to attack me for simply adapting to society here as it is and using the system as it’s meant to be, even though you think it’s rubbish. Your views are not that important that the whole world should think and do exactly as you or else they’re rude. Now that is an arsehole attitude.

Sirzy · 04/03/2020 08:04

I was going off your original post and hadn’t seen the reply. Wherever you are in the world though I still think it’s an awful system that removes dignity

pedanticstyleguide · 04/03/2020 08:09

if retailers want people in the shops, they need to make them accessible

it always surprises me when shops put the kids' section on an upper floor so you have no option but to use the lift to get there with a buggy. I am thinking about Waterstones in Leeds as an example - in Guildford the children's section is on the ground floor, which seems more sensible to me. I realise parents want other departments too, but to me it seems a basic thing to make a children's section as accessible as possible.

pedanticstyleguide · 04/03/2020 08:11

Oh and there used to be a Books Etc near Blackfriars Bridge in London (now sadly turned into a Coop) and the kids' books were in the basement down a winding staircase! Not sure there was a lift there, either.

Namechangeforwhat · 04/03/2020 08:15

@Sirzy so is the system rude or is it me? Because I am simply using it!

By the way, I do understand what you are saying.
But the thought behind it is very Japanese: the avoidance of any possibility of conflicts. If people wear a badge it’s clear what their rights are and no need to discuss with a stranger if you really have a visible disability or not (in a crowded train when you need a seat for example) or if you’re really pregnant. Japanese women stay very slim during pregnancy generally speaking, they tend to always wear wide clothing so it’s often not very clear if someone is pregnant. Japanese tend to avoid talking with strangers so the badges avoid a lot of unwanted interactions with strangers.

Immaback · 04/03/2020 08:18

YANBU
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had the same thought. The way i see it is if you’re able bodied enough to use the stairs then you should - as simple as that. When I’m without my DCs I see it as a privilege to be able to use the stairs (and skip by the long q!)
It’s like everything , habits creep in and then ppl don’t even think, though there are often lots of signs up promoting using stairs (when you can)

PurpleDaisies · 04/03/2020 08:22

though there are often lots of signs up promoting using stairs

I have never, ever in my life seen a sign promoting the use of stairs.

LolaSmiles · 04/03/2020 08:28

What you, me or anyone else thinks about wearing those badges is irrelevant. This is the system here and people interact with each other based on that. You clearly have some frustrations regarding this given your rather angry posts but I’m not the one who has invented this system. I simply use it just like anyone else here
If your response to someone not wearing a badge is to assume they are only using a lift for their convenience and get annoyed that you have to wait then that is an issue with your attitude.

Logically, if a system is the norm for people to wear "I have a disability badges" to prevent others judging them, then it would make more sense that someone willing to subject themselves to judgement and irritation from strangers by using a lift without their badge probably does have a reason. I couldn't imagine queuing with my buggy with someone who didn't have a special badge on and getting annoyed that they had the audacity to use a lift.

My frustrations lie with people who think they have the right to decide whether strangers deserve to use public facilities or think they should have priority because they happen to have a buggy.