SM doesn’t want me in the house

[Eggandbeans]

I am nearly 30 and I’ve had a SM since I was 13. She wasn’t the OW and we always got on pretty well. I have 3 half sisters who I love but I don’t feel much for my SM. She’s always been good to me but as with any family there are things that I’ve resented, like when they go on a family holiday and I don’t get an invite. I’ve not rocked the boat but being honest I have maybe made a few subtle shots at her for it. I’d have liked to be closer to my DD and DSs but they moved to Cornwall before my DSs were born and I live in Kent near my DM and her family. I used to enjoy the “holidays” down to stay with them but as I got older I felt pushed aside and that I ultimately missed out because of the geography of it all.

Now my SM and I have had a little spat - she says it’s my fault and I don’t see it as overly important but she is very upset with me. My DD is trying to mediate but has now said that I can’t stay in the house anymore and he will have to meet up with me elsewhere. This has shocked me because I thought that whatever went on with me and SM wouldn’t have any bearing on my relationship with my Dd and DSs. Aibu?

Why not just be honest here and admit that the reason you can't give Jenny a title is because it would upset your mum? I mean, that's the real reason isn't it? This is just another way for your mum to point score through you

YANBU op I have two kids and a step parent on each side my kids call actual grandparents grandma/grandad and step parents are sue mark no ones ever questioned me on it and no one has the right to. It is what it is you get grandchildren from producing a child yourself and then so on. No from marrying into grandchildren. Seems like I’m one of the few that actually agree with you so I’ll get shot too but I’m not a fan of the dishing out titles for the fun of it I don’t call my friends auntie/uncle either.
Yes OP you do decide who your kids get for grandparents. And I’m not saying my view is the right way but it works for me, each to their own and all.

I might also add that if when children get older they decide they want to call them grandma/grandad that’s also fine if it’s what’s they want it’s just not something I’m going to do.

drop you had absolutely no reason to comment that, you knew I wasnt the OP. all my subsequent posts? what, where I was explaining/defending why I told someone to calm down? not sure if you've seen but another person since has also agreed with the OP, maybe they're in disguise too. honestly - get a grip what are you trying to achieve

Perhaps you need to heed your own advice love.

drop says the one who @ me. then said person responds and gets grief, funny how that works on this thread ain't it

"love"

You’re never still at it? Absolutely ridiculous stop me-railing.

JUST WOW @Eggandbeans

Total denial by the sound of it
What exactly have you taken from these comments??

Your father doesnt want to see you at home or with your SM because he also believes your behaviour has been totally inappropriate, unacceptable and possibly unforgivable.

He probably sees you in a very different light now to a kind loving daughter! ..you've demonstrated that.

I'd imagine he'd briefly be seeing your imaginary child should it manifest, rather than rushing to spend his time with a bitter spiteful woman stuck in a juvenile past.

you get grandchildren from producing a child yourself and then so on

Such a narrow-minded view (and offensive to boot).

My grandad is not biologically my grandad. The man who produced a child who then produced a child is nothing to me because he's a shit. The man my grandma married will always be my grandad, he's the one who made the effort.

I don't see why people are so protective over names and the whole 'blood' thing. Everyone biologically speaking a grandparent is your biological parents, biological parent but surely we're all old enough now to understand how many wonderful shapes and sizes families come in and that blood really isn't everything.

Why does it actually matter or make a difference to your life at all if your dad's wife is called Nana X? If she's not awful to you and she's playing a role similar or the same as that of a grandmother, what need is there to be all technical about it? You can defend what you like but the only reason I can see why people get funny about it is to be nasty to the said step parent/prove a point. Like OP has done.

Everyone knows**

but I’m not a fan of the dishing out titles for the fun of it I don’t call my friends auntie/uncle either

for the fun of it?

my step dad is "firstname" to me, but grandad to DS. Whereas my actual dad who is biologically DS grandad, is nothing to DS because he's an arsehole and we have nothing to do with it.

Weird to think that in your head, my dad should be grandad and my step dad should be nothing.

you get grandchildren from producing a child yourself and then so on

As an adoptive mum I find that insulting. In fact, I find the whole concept of 'blood family' insulting. When my DDs have their own DC, I will be their Grandma, no two ways about it.

Besides, my own 'blood family' was toxic and abusive when my siblings and I were growing up. So I know that 'blood families' are not necessarily what they're cracked up to be.

In the OP's case, her stepmum has actually shown more interest in her than her DF, who is her 'blood',

No one is ‘coming for you’ and no one is bullying you, you need to calm down yourself. You’re literally the only one that’s coming across very badly here hence the reason you keep saying ‘people are coming for you’ (people are literally just talking to you very normally) why are people only chatting to you about your behaviour but not me @Kirkman or anyone else?

If you think I’m bullying report me to @MNHQ I’m sure they’ll decide.

atomic because there is often a pile on mentality on these threads, it happens all the time if someone is of a slightly different opinion or if someone is having an existing debate with another poster.

you haven't spoken to me normally at all - that is the second time you have unnecessarily jumped in, I ignored your last post. if you think my behaviour is so abhorrent (let's not forget all I did was respond to the OP, then got crucified for telling someone to calm down because they didnt like the fact they felt I hadnt read the thread properly ) then maybe you should infact be the one reporting me

as further shown by bbang who has used an expression I used earlier, calls me unhinged then fails to see the irony in having a go at me for tagging. unbelievable. no wonder most people I know on here stay away from AIBU

I agree @Bbang. Seems to be a pattern of behaviour.

Jesus wept!

I have been here 10 years and never seen anyone so determined to fall out with people. Or someone who thinks they can have a personal dig at someone and/or tell them how they are feeling, and that person should just go 'oh ok!' And shut up.

Flowers, you keep saying you are defending yourself.....but have a real problem with others doing the same.

It's understandable that you're hurt being excluded from the family holidays and feeling pushed out, but you've hurt her with these comments and the sentiments of she is my Dads wife to me and nothing else which must have been apparent to her over the last 17 years. You're both adults now and it goes both ways, if you want to be part of her family, you need to allow her into yours.

@flower1994 OMG Give it a rest.

I wouldn't mind all people said at the start was "Kirkman doesn't seem to be uncalm" hardly a crucifiction

@DropYourSword 100% it’s bizarre

I'm this situation, your dad is the one who's been a dick and let you down. Don't take it out on your SM