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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Posters being horrible on Mumsnet

113 replies

glitteryboots · 28/02/2020 13:42

Why can't I or anyone else ask a genuine question on Mumsnet without being called horrible names. If you think the original post is insensitive or just wrong why can't you say this without tearing into the OP? I am the first to admit when I am wrong and my beliefs have sometimes been changed by (reasonable) responses.

OP posts:
SuburbanFraggle · 28/02/2020 13:44

When people are anonymous on the internet some act in ways they never would in real life

Enchiladas · 28/02/2020 13:45

A lot of schoolyard bullies don't change even when they grow up, become parents and join mumsnet unfortunately.

NCtoday27220 · 28/02/2020 13:45

Are you asking in AIBU, aka MN "fight club"?

Hingeandbracket · 28/02/2020 13:46

Congratulations for yet another "why can't we all be nice and only ever say nice things in a nice way" thread (at least the second this week).

MN has quite a robust moderation policy for personal attacks - anyone calling you names should have had their posts removed.

Nowayorhighway · 28/02/2020 13:46

You need a thick skin on AIBU I’m afraid, it’s always been this way.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 28/02/2020 13:47

What was the question?

IhateBoswell · 28/02/2020 13:47

Thread #34,557 on this topic. I'd suggest either ignoring nasty posters or just stay out of AIBU where it is always worse.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/02/2020 13:50

I agree. Also we don’t know the person behind the keyboard, do we and how what we write can affect them. Caroline Flack is a prime example she killed herself partly due to on line bullies.

Hingeandbracket · 28/02/2020 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NCtoday27220 · 28/02/2020 13:56

Caroline Flack killed herself because she was being sent to trial accused of domesticated violence.

Not because people were being "mean" on AIBU.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 28/02/2020 13:57

Because either your question is a trigger for some people, who are green with jealousy about your "problem"

or because they have nothing to say to justify their anger so call you abusive names because that's all they have

So either posters are more or less gently winding you up for a laugh, or they are just people with bad issues. I wouldn't worry to much about them, you can pity them though.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/02/2020 13:58

Caroline Flack killed herself because she was being sent to trial accused of domesticated violence

Correct..

Original poster
glitteryboots · 28/02/2020 14:01

Well I don't see a lot of moderation going on - people think it's fine to call people horrible or say they are glad they're not their friend. Must be a lot of perfect people out there. And I know this thread has been discussed before but I seriously think in this day and age you need to watch what you are saying to people.

OP posts:
Isabellaswann · 28/02/2020 14:03

There is a definite mn ‘tone’ in response to some threads which is bossy and unhelpful.

Perversely, others are fawned over. I’ve never worked it out.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/02/2020 14:03

Well I highly doubt the online abuse helped.

Wickedwoo · 28/02/2020 14:04

I always stick by my rule of if i wouldn't say it to someone in real life i am not going to say it on the internet.

BabyWenger · 28/02/2020 14:04

Are you the poster worried about your newborn being removed because of your violent partner?

WalkingDeadTrainee · 28/02/2020 14:06

Are you peeved that people told you off on your thread about someone posting on Facebook about their deceased relative?

BiBiBirdie · 28/02/2020 14:09

I think you need to grow a thicker skin OP
And I've actually had the reverse, an OP who started an unpleasant bun fight purely because people offered her advice which differed to her own inflated ego.
I didn't start a thread on it, I just ignored it and left her to her own devices. One of the ones joining in with her actually flounced publicly afterwards which says a lot regards the whole anonymously people on the net.

yatapina · 28/02/2020 14:09

Depends what you mean by "horrible" and of course about the original subject matter.

If someone invites comment and I think they're being an arse, I'll tell them. If it's a trivial subject I ignore and move on.

Personally, I think that people use the "be kind" and "if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything" as a way to shut down a discussion when it's not going their way.

Grown ups sometimes have to hash things out in a discussion and regrettable things may get said but that's life!

Thymelord · 28/02/2020 14:10

people think it's fine to call people horrible or say they are glad they're not their friend

So you started a thread, calling people horrible, because you think it's horrible that people call other people horrible? Have I got that right?

Toughen up sugarplum.

Personal attacks - report.
People disagreeing and saying "you are horrible" - get a grip.

Women do not have to be nice all the time.

Hingeandbracket · 28/02/2020 14:10

I always stick by my rule of if i wouldn't say it to someone in real life i am not going to say it on the internet.
Why?

NameChangedCc · 28/02/2020 14:11

I totally agree OP a lot of nasty posters! Put people off starting threads!

BabyWenger · 28/02/2020 14:12

Oh that one. Was anyone horrible? I think people were just saying it's none of your business how someone else chooses to grieve.

Hingeandbracket · 28/02/2020 14:13

I got called a cunt on here once - I didn't agree (of course) but it was a point of view. Someone else reported it and it was removed.
AIBU is not a place to ask people to only post if they are prepared to say how wonderful you are. I like and respect it for that.