Posters being horrible on Mumsnet

[glitteryboots]

Why can't I or anyone else ask a genuine question on Mumsnet without being called horrible names. If you think the original post is insensitive or just wrong why can't you say this without tearing into the OP? I am the first to admit when I am wrong and my beliefs have sometimes been changed by (reasonable) responses.

@ilovesooty

Of course you don't know that for a fact.

Yes I do. No way in HELL would the nasties on here speak to people like that in real life. They are just cowardly keyboard warriors who hate their lives.

Hit a raw nerve did I?

maybe it's just me but I've had some pretty shitty comments aimed at me on other sites and in real life
It's not just you - only last week a bloke in a car called me a cunt because he tried to change lanes at a roundabout without even indicating and my car was in his way. I have no idea what his online life is like but I did offer an opinion to his angry face about him and his driving style.

I dunno why this "you wouldn't say this to my face" trope is continually trotted out as if it some triumphant observation to end all further debate. This news just in - the internet isn't the same as the shops/the pub/the train/my living room, and for now, all your attempts to stop people doing and saying things you don't like aren't working.

Yes I do
Ha ha - you really don't.

@WalkingDeadTrainee

Telling someone their behaviour is unreasonable, is quite different to being plain vile and nasty for and kicking someone when they're down, which is what the OP is on about. She is not on about simply giving them an opinion they don't like!

Thank you all for your responses - more or less what I was expecting. I'm all for discussion and debate and am happy to be told IAMBU, which I admitted on my previous threat. However, it was only the genuine posters who gave genuine answers and examples that changed my mind.

@faracrossthepond you don't know the people to whom you're referring so you don't know it for a fact.

No, no raw nerve at all . Why would it?

People on here are batshit crazy. As if a random on an Internet forum being vile will make me change my mind.

I once posted about that I was starting a job in the NHS knowing I would be leaving in a few months. I got all kinds of nastiness, one person said I was the reason the NHS had no money, another said “I hope you’re not taking the job now OP” and “which Trust is it so I can tell them about you” and another said “oh you think you’ll special because your husband is in the military.”

Just really weird comments. I still started the job and left, wonder if the people commenting worked themselves up into a frenzy?

@Hingeandbracket

Yes I do. No WAY would the people who are plain vile on here speak to people like that in real life.

You may claim you would, but you wouldn't.

I don't think someone pointing out that it's pretty awful to judge someone's grieving makes them not a genuine poster.

Let’s not forget that most of the stuff on here is made up...

Certain threads evoke high emotions.

Like taking the piss out of how someone deals with the loss of a loved one, for example.

@faracrossthepond, I fully admit that I must be a "nasty"(?) judging by your observations that only such people would call someone horrible or say they don't want to be your friend.

I'd say the same in real life. Thankfully all the people I choose to have in my life are a bit more resilient than that so yes, I absolutely would.

There's a huge difference between bullying and sharing your opinion under the right circumstances.

I can only assume that you are a beacon of positivity who never has a negative or judgemental thought, feeling or comment about anything.

You were openly, unkindly judging someone for the way in which they grieve. Only you tried to dress it up with a false, wife-eyed "I'm only asking a question" when in actual fact you stated in the OP how you think people should grieve.

Another poster who didn't like their responses so makes out the whole of MN is evil. I've had so much relationship and single parent support here. I've found it a lifeline for me.

Personal attacks are usually deleted if reported. Personally I don't think I've said anything on here I wouldn't say in person.

@Hingeandbracket well simple really. I am not a nasty person so i wouldn't say something horrible to someone in real life so wouldn't do it on the internet either 🤷🏼‍♀️

glitteryboots you need to take personal responsibility. You are obviously feeling fragile so you should probably step away from MN for a while. It’s never going to be an echo chamber of people agreeing with you.
I agree some of the stuff is plain nasty - on another thread I’m on a breastfeeding mother who is on maternity leave being called “batshit crazy” for feeling sensitive about a comment her dh made. However she didn’t really seem fazed by it. You need to grow a thicker skin or take yourself out of the situation - no one is forcing you to post on here. We are not a nanny state (yet).

@faracrossthepond
You cannot possibly know that everyone who posts "vile shit" on here wouldn't be like it in real life - to claim otherwise flies in the face of any logic or reason. Some will, some won't; and in any case it's largely irrelevant. I don't know if the poster who posted that I was a cunt on here would have said it to my face - maybe it was the same bloke who tried to crash his car into mine and then called me a cunt in real life last week - how would I know? I can't, and neither can you.

It's often the case that those moaning about people being mean to them behave in sly, disingenuous ways themselves. Those who are upfront in their objections are shrieked about whilst the real catty bitches slip under the radar. I see that a lot online. IRL too. They machinate and stir and behave in appalling passive aggressive and underhand ways then faint with indignation when someone more brusque calls them out for being a cunt.

@Jinora

Stop being a dick

Proving the OP's point Well done.

Well I don't see a lot of moderation going on

OP, are you reporting the comments you're taking about?

Because if no-one reports them, they're very unlikely to attract the attention of the mods - there are thousands of threads and all sorts of issues they have to deal with, so they do rely on people flagging issues (by reporting posts) where they see them.

Having a general conversation about nastiness won't get the posts you're talking about looked at - all it does is dilute the #bekind message and turn people off of engaging with it.

Weirdly, the posters on here posting rude and negative comments are precisely the ones I expected it from. Well done on delivering right on cue folks, and 100% proving the OP right.

Hiding the thread now. Enjoy your afternoon.

I think that's a fair point @opticaldelusion . They're sometimes less than truthful too and complain a lot when the answers aren't the validation they were looking for.

I know for a fact that the people who are really nasty, catty, spiteful, and sarcastic on here, would NEVER say what they say on here, in real life

And OP wouldn't have criticised her grieving friend in real life. So there's that.

ilovesooty I've just read my original post back and I agree with you - it probably didn't come across the way I meant to. I just thought it was an odd thing to do.