Posters being horrible on Mumsnet

[glitteryboots]

Why can't I or anyone else ask a genuine question on Mumsnet without being called horrible names. If you think the original post is insensitive or just wrong why can't you say this without tearing into the OP? I am the first to admit when I am wrong and my beliefs have sometimes been changed by (reasonable) responses.

People call posters horrible?
I do, if they're horrible.
Were you horrible then?

People say they're glad posters aren't their friend?
So do I if a poster is saying something about a friend I wouldn't want said about me.

Sounds like you were the one not being very nice tbh.

BabyWenger so you think it's ok to call someone horrible and say they're glad they're not your friend because they disagree with your post. Why can't someone say constructively why they disagree without personal attacks. I just don't understand it. I'm not a shrinking violet by the way but I would just never say something horrible to someone on the internet. You never know the background or how they feel.

I thought someone told you to fuck off with few c-words thrown in😂 not call someone horrible and say they're glad they're not your friend because they disagree with your post.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress you just don't get it do you? I was asking a genuine question about what I thought was an odd thing to do. The reasonable responses made me change my outlook - surely that's the whole point of AIBU - I can take that on the chin but the vitriol spouted at people on here is ridiculous.

WalkingDeadTrainee but it's hardly a constructive way of getting your point across, is it?

Telling someone you're glad they're not your friend or calling them horrible isn't a "personal attack".

A personal attack is just that, an attack on someone's person. That would be a personal judgement or observation.

surely that's the whole point of AIBU
Why would anyone claim to know what the whole point of AIBU is?

I've just looked at your thread. There appear to have been a couple of deletions but as for the rest of it I'm not at all surprised at the responses you got. In any case this doesn't just appear to be the usual whining thread about how nasty people are but a TAAT so I imagine those almost non existent moderators will remove it in due curse.

Hang on, vitriol is "you're horrible" crikey.

@glitteryboots

I agree OP.

I know for a fact that the people who are really nasty, catty, spiteful, and sarcastic on here, would NEVER say what they say on here, in real life ... They are nothing but cowardly keyboard warriors, who wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life.

Of COURSE not everyone has to massage your ego and treat you with kid gloves, and shower you with 'aww huns'' and flowers, and sometimes people NEED a stern talking to. But not 'you sound unhinged,' 'I would hate to be YOUR friend' I feel sorry for your kids/DH/family' 'You sound like a terrible mum,' 'why did you have children with this man?' 'are you on glue' ?? Etc...

Some people post PURELY to attack and demean the OP. I see it every day on here, but there are many more lovely, helpful posters who provide constructive criticism and kindness and understanding and advice. So try to ignore the nasties!

but it's hardly a constructive way of getting your point across, is it?

So is bitching about someone's way of grieving online tbh. Especially when EVERYONE knows controversial threads sometimes end up in newspapers.

You weren't asking a genuine question. You were judgy

What I don't understand is why all these threads are specifically aimed at people on Mumsnet, maybe it's just me but I've had some pretty shitty comments aimed at me on other sites and in real life. I can be an arse but surely I'm not the only one??

Generally though I'm able to walk away and either accept that they had a point or avoid the situation where possible. No one is being held captive, if I saw it as an overwhelmingly negative place then I would de-reg rather than post about it and invite more negativity.

Also, when people DO post nasty shit, they NEVER give advice or help.

All they are coming on for is to kick someone when they're down.

people think it's fine to call people horrible

Like you did in your OP, then? Seriously OP, my 11 yo would not be traumatised by someone calling him horrible and saying he wasn't their friend. It's not exactly offensive language is it?

but it's hardly a constructive way of getting your point across, is it?

No. So? It's pretty normal for people express their feelings in an argument as well as their point. This is not a formal debate. People feel strongly about things.

I know for a fact that the people who are really nasty, catty, spiteful, and sarcastic on here, would NEVER say what they say on here, in real life

So what? This isn't the same thing is it?
Why do you want everything to be exactly the same all the time?

@faracrossthepond of course you don't know for a fact .

But what do you want people to say on this thread OP, obviously people should be mindful of the strength of their comments and name calling and so on is unpleasant. Peoppe start a thread every blinking day about it and I'm sure it's the case that all the thread starters in their real life are not quite as perfect as they make out either in their own groups of friends and family. Even with the best intentions it is very easy to offend.

You're on the internet saying others who don't agree with what you're saying 'don't get it' (you don't know them or what they do or don't get) and that it's 'horrible' to say that you wouldn't want to be someones friend who sounds unpleasant. The truth unfortunately doesn't change because people are offended. You don't need to be liked by everybody. Saying or thinking that you're glad someone isn't your friend really doesn't mean you also think nobody would want to be. These things are all subjective.

Starting endless threads about this isn't going to solve the fact that some people use the internet as an outlet to be more honest or direct than they would in real life, or that some might use it to let off personal steam by being rude. Opinions always cause friction, if people in their real lives chatted about topical issues like they do on here you can bet you (and all of us) would be offending our friends left right and centre. Anyone who has tried to tell a friend their cheating DP needs to IRL knows that these things don't go down well..

I don't think anyone agreeing with OP are on the right forum.
We're adults. I would indeed tell someone offline they are being a twat if they were. Maybe me and my mates are just like that, but I've regularly told a friend "you're acting a twat" if they are.
In fact, my DP knows when I think he's being a twat as well and likewise he tells me too.
You all must live sheltered lives. I would much rather be surrounded by mates who talk straight to me than people who bitch behind my back.

I don’t like the inconsistent moderation, some posts are vile but left on the thread, others are removed for what seems very weak reasons.

I'm afraid some people are bullies, okay having a lot to say for themselves hiding behind a keyboard, but wouldn't have the guts to say it to your face.
It's them with the problem not you, how they live with themselves I don't know.
But one day they will have someone else to answer to maybe then they will receive what they deserve for their nastiness. X

@Jinora so would I.

I know for a fact that the people who are really nasty, catty, spiteful, and sarcastic on here, would NEVER say what they say on here, in real life

🙋 I would happily tell someone irl to stop bitching about someone else's way of dealing with a loss of a parent.