Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to not want to be woken up....

106 replies

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 11:04

Bit of back ground, I have sleep apnoea and use a CPAP machine

So last night as usual I took myself off to bed and left OH playing on his PS4, this happens most nights as he can't sleep before 1am and I like to go to bed around 11. Anyway at midnight he comes upstairs, has a shower, watches a bit of YouTube then will get in bed around 1.

I don't have an issue with his routine he can do what he likes, he's a 40 year old man. My issue is he will turn the big bedroom light on (his bedside lamp is no further then the light switch) which will 9/10 wake me as it's bright then will potter around the room/play a game on his phone while his shower "gets warm" then after his shower he will sit on the end of the bed, wake me to move my feet!! as they are in his way for sitting at the end of the bed while he air dries!! he will sit there watching his videos (with headphones but it's still load enough I can hear) then at 1am he switches everything off and goes to sleeps. Now I'm wide awake!!

We also have a DC(2) who sometimes wakes in the night as well

AIBU to ask him to do his little shower routine before I go to bed so he doesn't wake me up?

I mentioned the CPAP(which I have a love/hate relationship with) as sometimes I fall asleep watching TV so don't have my mask on so he will wake me to tell me to put it on, but he will wake me as soon as he comes in the room to put it on then sometimes I can drop back off while he's in the shower but then am woken AGAIN while he dries off.

OP posts:

OrangeBuddha · 28/02/2020 11:09

I would have zero tolerance for anyone who wakes me for no purpose after I am asleep! Especially if it can be avoided. He needs to shower/air/play elsewhere in the house & tip toe into your bedroom in darkness. This would be the bare minimum expectation from both/either partner IMO. Even better would be to sleep off at the same time so that you don't disturb each other - which is what we try to do most nights. Some nights if DH wants to work until late or wake early with an alarm he usually uses the guest bedroom.
He usually gets annoyed if I am 5 minutes later than him into bed as it 'disturbs' him

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 11:18

No way would I be able to go to bed at 1am. I am up earlier than OH during the week plus I get up with DC at the weekends and he has a lie in, I naturally wake at 7am, I can't lie in unless am ill. I like to be up doing things early.

I try not to wake him if he's asleep coz he has trouble switching off again if woken up. I shower in the mornings, and get ready with my lamp on dim before anyone else gets up.

It is very rare we go to bed at the same time, mostly do when on holiday and maybe at the weekend but rarely

OP posts:

Hingeandbracket · 28/02/2020 11:20

YANBU I am very grumpy if woken.

EKGEMS · 28/02/2020 11:28

I'd be rehearsing my phone call to the police and wiping my fingerprints off the murder weapon and writing out his "suicide" note

Vulpine · 28/02/2020 11:32

No way id put up with any if that. But then we have no tv etc. in the bedroom. Also saying he cant sleep befire 1am is bollox. He just needs to get up earlier. Sounds like a selfish git

Quartz2208 · 28/02/2020 11:35

you have 3 options

separate rooms
talk to him
do exactly the same to him in the morning

Sparklesocks · 28/02/2020 11:41

That’s really inconsiderate of him, and suggests he doesn’t really think about you when he’s doing his ‘routine’. Tell him that he either needs to do it earlier or that he needs to wait in the bathroom while the shower heats up, and dry off in there - no faffing about on his phone and sitting on the bed.

FizzyIce · 28/02/2020 11:44

I’d honestly have to punch him in the balls.
That’s so selfish .

FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/02/2020 11:44

I honestly have an ache in my stomach reading this - how have you not drop-kicked that fucker down the stairs?

He is a knob in the extreme and either he needs to sleep elsewhere or adjust his behaviour to that of an actual adult human capable of consciously thinking "how can I make sure she doesn't wake up". If he's not able for that, I'm sure you'd be able for a divorce based solely on this.

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 11:49

😂😂 I haven't resorted to violence....yet

OP posts:

FudgeBrownie2019 · 28/02/2020 11:50

You are a better person than me, for sure.

Does he realise how rude and selfish his behaviour is? Is he capable of changing it or does he just not give a shit?

Nowayorhighway · 28/02/2020 11:51

Selfish uncaring git, I’m surprised you let him get away with this tbh.

michaelbaubles · 28/02/2020 11:51

That's very, very selfish behaviour. Unusually so. I'd say he's going out of his way to disturb and upset you.

On the odd occasions DP comes to bed when I'm asleep (I always wake up a little so I know but that's not his fault, I'm just a light sleeper!) - he undresses in the bathroom, pushes the door open very slowly, tiptoes round the bed and slides under the covers in the dark. If I stir he whispers an apology and says "back to sleep now!". Why anyone would do anything else I to someone they claim to love I don't know.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/02/2020 11:52

what a selfish inconsiderate TWAT ... he is telling You that his routine is way more important than your sleep OP... way more important ..

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 11:55

He has a set routine for pretty must everything so very difficult to get him to change. Eating, getting dressed, shaving, etc

He's been texting today asking why I'm annoyed with him, so I told him why (again) still doesn't offer to change his routine. I will be suggesting it later (again) as I would prefer to speak about it rather than text while we are both at work.

OP posts:

michaelbaubles · 28/02/2020 12:05

I wouldn't suggest, I would tell. This DOES NOT WORK for you! You can't have one person's routine completely wreck someone else's sleep, you just can't.

AgeOld · 28/02/2020 12:10

Is he doing it deliberately to upset you or to wake you up for sex etc?
I'd outline how much it upsets you. Then if he did it again I'd do exactly the same in the morning while he has his merry lie in.
So light on.
Potter about.
Start your morning routine.
Loud videos etc.

What a wanker

BumbleBeee69 · 28/02/2020 12:10

tell him to sleep elsewhere... bedroom/sofa his choice

twinboymumma · 28/02/2020 12:12

I would definitely do the same back to him in the morning until he changes his behaviour. If he can appreciate how it makes you feel, hopefully he'll stop waking you up at night. Good luck!

MzHz · 28/02/2020 12:14

Tbh I’d tell him if he switches the overhead light on in the bedroom again, if he wakes you up by fucking around again, you will get up, rip the fucking overhead light off the ceiling and shove it up his arse sideways and THEN he can go and fucking air dry out fucking side....

Monumental twat.

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 12:16

ageold no on both counts. He is just set in his ways, the reply I've had to my text is that he has always done it so why is it a problem now? Trouble is before DC I didn't annoy me as much but now they are sleeping through most nights I would like to as well.

Some mornings I will wake him if DC have woken up early so he can watch them while I shower, I don't hear the end of it

OP posts:

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 12:20

MzHz 😂

Thanks for the suggestions ladies (although most of them include a bit of violence 🤨)

OP posts:

AgeOld · 28/02/2020 12:21

I don't agree hed just set in his ways.i go d that a cop out to allow him to do whatever he fancies especially if you then get him to look after his child and he has a whine about it.

What are you going to do then?

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 12:23

oldage will see how our chat goes later, if he sulks he knows how comfy the sofa is

OP posts:

CandyLeBonBon · 28/02/2020 12:23

God reading gave me the rage. Sorry but I'd be getting a matching band on max volume tomorrow to wake him up and do it for the next few weekends if he can't understand that sometimes we need to adapt and life really doesn't stay the same forever. What a dickhead.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5