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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be woken up....

106 replies

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 11:04

Bit of back ground, I have sleep apnoea and use a CPAP machine

So last night as usual I took myself off to bed and left OH playing on his PS4, this happens most nights as he can't sleep before 1am and I like to go to bed around 11. Anyway at midnight he comes upstairs, has a shower, watches a bit of YouTube then will get in bed around 1.

I don't have an issue with his routine he can do what he likes, he's a 40 year old man. My issue is he will turn the big bedroom light on (his bedside lamp is no further then the light switch) which will 9/10 wake me as it's bright then will potter around the room/play a game on his phone while his shower "gets warm" then after his shower he will sit on the end of the bed, wake me to move my feet!! as they are in his way for sitting at the end of the bed while he air dries!! he will sit there watching his videos (with headphones but it's still load enough I can hear) then at 1am he switches everything off and goes to sleeps. Now I'm wide awake!! Angry

We also have a DC(2) who sometimes wakes in the night as well

AIBU to ask him to do his little shower routine before I go to bed so he doesn't wake me up?

I mentioned the CPAP(which I have a love/hate relationship with) as sometimes I fall asleep watching TV so don't have my mask on so he will wake me to tell me to put it on, but he will wake me as soon as he comes in the room to put it on then sometimes I can drop back off while he's in the shower but then am woken AGAIN while he dries off.

OP posts:
Eeyoresstickhouse · 28/02/2020 20:34

I would get the fucker with a rusty fork, right in the balls.

God I dont know him, and the hatred I feel for his actions are strong.

WaggleWiggle · 28/02/2020 20:36

That is disgustingly selfish of him. I’d be absolutely furious.

WaggleWiggle · 28/02/2020 20:37

Agree with Eeyore above - I don’t even know him and I want to slap him with his wet towel and kick him hard up the arse right off the bed

DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld · 28/02/2020 20:39

How is he still alive? I would kick him in his stupid face the first time he did this. YANBU.

WaggleWiggle · 28/02/2020 20:39

It’s three minutes since I read this and I’m still fucking fuming about a situation that I’m not even in. RAGING, OP! I am raging! The selfish fucker

WaggleWiggle · 28/02/2020 20:44

Can you use double sided tape to stick a mouse trap to the main light switch before you go to bed?

ByeMF · 28/02/2020 20:45

This sounds like the sort of thing my son might do. He has no comprehension that walking into a room when someone is asleep, turning on lights and slamming doors might disturb them and make them feel very stabby . He had autism. Unless your husband is also on the spectrum he is just being extremely thoughtless.

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 28/02/2020 20:53

I vote patio too.

Does he need less sleep than you or does he get up later?

Is he catching up with sleep by sleeping later both days on a weekend?

Do you go back to read or nap for the same duration as his extra sleeping time? If not, why not?

RandomMess · 28/02/2020 20:57

I'll help with patio he is being utterly selfish!!!

WTF why does he think it's ok to wake you up every night? Perhaps if got woken early by you every morning he would be ready to go to bed earlier with you...

CigarsofthePharoahs · 28/02/2020 20:59

Op, I have some decking that needs removing and replacing with a nice patio.
Just sayin'.
I second the mouse trap suggestion.

ClaraLane · 28/02/2020 21:01

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a unanimous thread before in AIBU! How the hell is this man child still breathing? Why have you not kicked his arse with your poor squished feet and shoved him off the bed?

On a tangent - what is it with men and waiting for showers to warm up? My husband does the same and it drives me batty. Can’t they just stand away from the water while it warms up and then get under it? Or is it a diversion technique so they can have some time to themselves like when they go for epic 30 minute shits?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 28/02/2020 21:02

The worst thing about all of this is he doesnt like it when you do it to him yet struggles to understand why it annoys you apparently!

As someone said up thread
"you have 3 options

separate rooms
talk to him
do exactly the same to him in the morning"

ChateauMyself · 28/02/2020 21:07

I doubt this is the only astonishing example of his selfishness.

Jess827 · 28/02/2020 21:11

I wouldn't put up with this shit for 1 night, never mind as a regular (daily?) thing.

This is ridiculous.

Op you need to separate beds or do it back. Lights on, alarm repeatedly alerting, make him feel pain, he's fucking selfish.

The only way he'll understand is doing it back. Repeatedly. Loudly. Painfully.

MitziK · 28/02/2020 21:18

YADNBU.

I will always snap wide awake if there's any artificial light on my face at night - even walking upstairs, yawning my head off, the bathroom light can't be on or I'm bolloxed for the next 4-6 hours, the big light will jolt me awake from the deepest of sleeps and I'll be incapable of going back not just for that entire night, but most of the next one too. I blame the parent and bastarding ex who both specialised in the 2am Thunderflash Approach to Abuse. I'm fine with natural light, though.

DP could go to sleep on a washing line stretched out in front of a fucking lighthouse with a foghorn blaring.

He uses his phone light to get to bed. In return, I don't wake him up in the morning if he doesn't need to be up for work until later.

It's not hard.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/02/2020 21:25

Bloody hell OP. If you have sleep apnoea, I’d think sleep was precious. Routinely and selfishly disturbing it is just not on.

Lucked · 28/02/2020 21:33

I often go to bed after DH, I use the main bathroom rather than en suite, strip in the hall and use my phone to get me to my bed and find the charger etc.

Yes have another chat, yes insist he showers at a normal time but also take the lightbulb out of the main light before you go to bed tonight.

Toybox88 · 28/02/2020 21:33

I think it's really strange that you even have to ask if it's unreasonable.
I also think it's really strange that you think it's normal that you creep around in the morning trying not to wake him but that he makes as much noise as he wants at night time.

BoredOfTheBoard · 28/02/2020 21:57

I think I'd divorce for this but I am precious about my sleep! Hes allowed to wake you when you're asleep but you're not allowed to do the same to him? Pretty sure unreasonable behaviour would cover it. It actually sounds a bit abusive to me, deliberately waking someone.

Lucyccfc68 · 28/02/2020 22:07

If someone turned the main light on whilst I was asleep and woke me up they would get a very loud 'TURN THE FUCKING LIGHT OFF NOW!!!'

Cherrysoup · 28/02/2020 22:15

Some mornings I will wake him if DC have woken up early so he can watch them while I shower, I don't hear the end of it

Yet he wakes you up every night?! And you’ve let him! Wtf! Boot his inconsiderate arse. Sofa for him. My dh comes in, light off, creeps into bed, has his phone on lowlight so it doesn’t disturb me. I creep in, same. No way would I put on the big light, that’s so mad!

itsabitofamess · 28/02/2020 23:59

Wtf has he always been a selfish fucker? I would lose the plot

Noconceptofnormal · 29/02/2020 06:56

This is a completely unacceptable level of selfishness. As a pp said if he's this much of a dick about his bedtime routine I would assume he's an astonishing dickhead generally.

This is kindly meant OP but I think you may need to work on your assertiveness for letting this routine develop, as you can see every other person on this thread is, saying it's absolutely ridiculous. Is he abusive towards you?

It sounds like you're not married, are the kids his?

user1480880826 · 29/02/2020 08:12

Have you spoken to him yet OP?

JigsawsAreInPieces · 29/02/2020 08:35

Remove the light bulb.

Why the hell does he thinks what he wants to do trumps your need to sleep? Selfish bastard.

If I'm asleep when DH comes up to bed he slips into bed without turning on lights as he's been to the loo etc in the main bathroom because he doesn't want to disturb me.

I suspect this isn't the only way that he shows his perceived superiority over you. Sad