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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to be woken up....

106 replies

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 11:04

Bit of back ground, I have sleep apnoea and use a CPAP machine

So last night as usual I took myself off to bed and left OH playing on his PS4, this happens most nights as he can't sleep before 1am and I like to go to bed around 11. Anyway at midnight he comes upstairs, has a shower, watches a bit of YouTube then will get in bed around 1.

I don't have an issue with his routine he can do what he likes, he's a 40 year old man. My issue is he will turn the big bedroom light on (his bedside lamp is no further then the light switch) which will 9/10 wake me as it's bright then will potter around the room/play a game on his phone while his shower "gets warm" then after his shower he will sit on the end of the bed, wake me to move my feet!! as they are in his way for sitting at the end of the bed while he air dries!! he will sit there watching his videos (with headphones but it's still load enough I can hear) then at 1am he switches everything off and goes to sleeps. Now I'm wide awake!!

We also have a DC(2) who sometimes wakes in the night as well

AIBU to ask him to do his little shower routine before I go to bed so he doesn't wake me up?

I mentioned the CPAP(which I have a love/hate relationship with) as sometimes I fall asleep watching TV so don't have my mask on so he will wake me to tell me to put it on, but he will wake me as soon as he comes in the room to put it on then sometimes I can drop back off while he's in the shower but then am woken AGAIN while he dries off.

OP posts:

chesterfuckingdrorrs · 28/02/2020 12:26

I'd be taking the bloody lamp out the light. He sounds like an absolute idiot, who wouldn't realise that kind of behaviour is unacceptable!

I'd be doing the same to him every morning, light on, crash about, get him to budge over....all the thing he does to you.

strawberry2017 · 28/02/2020 12:43

He's a selfish arse. I'd remove the lightbulb from the big light and if he wants you to move your feet then I suggest you swap sides for sleeping as there's no reason he can't sit on his side of the bed!

VisionQuest · 28/02/2020 12:47

That is breathtakingly selfish behaviour. He sounds really awful.

I would be telling him under no circumstances is he to shower/switch lights on/generally fanny around whilst you are sleeping.

Don't pander to him and his rigid bloody routines.

1Wildheartsease · 28/02/2020 12:49

Explain that you are getting overtired and that if he wants to keep his bedtime routine as it is... then he does need to get up with you and cover some of the morning routine with you.

Or he can think of ways to preserve your sleep - so that you can do the morning things without him.

I'm sure he can think of ways to look after his lie-in!

Blueuggboots · 28/02/2020 12:57

I would sit him down and tell him it's utterly unacceptable and just because it used to work pre-children, doesn't mean it does now. Why does he have to sit on your feet?! Do you share a single bed? Do you have the world's largest feet?!
My exh used to flop onto the bed every morning to put in his socks and wake me up. Drove me mad. I asked him to put on his socks somewhere else but no, his need to put his socks on was far greater than my need for sleep. He was generally a selfish twat in so many other areas. Notice I say exh.
Sit him down. Acknowledge his need for routine but also acknowledge the need for his routines to be family friendly and FAIR. He could dry his bastard feet anywhere!

KahlanRahl · 28/02/2020 12:58

People only ever wake me once. Then they discover that waking me up makes me angry enough to start WW3 and they never dare to try it again...

ActualHornist · 28/02/2020 13:45

Do you seriously think it’s unreasonable to ask him to stop being so inconsiderate? Do you even need the cpap or just a good night sleep without a dick like him waking you?

There should be no explaining or asking. You tell him to stop, and if he won’t, then wake him when you get up. In fact, force him at the weekends. His late nights are facilitated by your early mornings.

What a selfish prick. How you haven’t murdered him yet I don’t know.

aSofaNearYou · 28/02/2020 13:46

Wtf?? I was appalled that he puts the main light on in the middle of the night rather than carefully creeping in but then it just kept getting worse! I would absolutely not put up with this. The lack of consideration, the hypocrisy... And I thought my partner was bad for disturbing me in the morning when I get the chance to sleep in...

LangSpartacusCleg · 28/02/2020 14:05

Let sleeping dogs lie. I can be a vicious bitch when woken by idiots. As several ex boyfriends and one husband can attest.

uhhuhyeahok · 28/02/2020 14:09

My OH has a very similar evening routine to yours OP. The big difference being he manages to do all these things without coming into our bedroom until he is ready to get into bed. He showers, air dries downstairs, and comes to bed without ever turning the bedroom light on.

There's no reason he can't keep to his routine, he just needs to do it somewhere else, ie getting dry in the bathroom/spare bedroom or downstairs.

ThanosSavedMe · 28/02/2020 14:13

I would kill him. Simple as that.

If he doesn’t get it, I would be waking him up every time you wake up in the morning exactly how he wakes you.

Why is his sleep more important than yours?

user1480880826 · 28/02/2020 14:18

I’m gobsmacked that anyone can be so inconsiderate. I would have buried my husband under the patio by now if he did that just twice, never mind every night.

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 14:25

For the question about needing the CPAP, yes have been tested, I have 30 episodes and hour without it so it's quiet severe.

You are all right ladies, I'm fairly easy going, tend to work around what's best for others and not myself. I think I need to start putting myself first for a change.

OP posts:

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 14:26

-and- an
-quiet- quite

OP posts:

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 14:26

Strike through fail

OP posts:

Snaketime · 28/02/2020 14:40

I agree with @ThanosSavedMe I would kill him. The only other thing I could inject is make sure you have plenty of projectiles, pillows, cushions etc and everytime he wakes you throw them at him.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 28/02/2020 15:56

There're no excuses for putting on the bedroom light.

But how is he managing to sleep with your CPAP machine?

Is it some sort of passive aggressive behaviour because he isn't sleeping well? I still don't think it's appropriate but I do wonder if you both need an honest conversation.

CalmdownJanet · 28/02/2020 16:04

God I have the rage reading this, when I got to "he turns on the big light" I actually out loud "Oh I would fucking kill him". But all jokes aside he is a selfish prick

WelcomeToTheMountaintop · 28/02/2020 16:10

But how is he managing to sleep with your CPAP machine?

Nah. Cpap machines are quite quiet. Just a gentle whooshing noise. EXDH used to,have one.

MatildaTheCat · 28/02/2020 16:11

He has two options: shower at 11 and creep into bed quietly or you will do exactly the same thing at 7 am every single morning after he wakes you. And you do it. Over and over again until he decides he’d like to not be woken up.

Being set in his ways is just plain stupid.

OptimisticSix · 28/02/2020 16:14

How utterly ridiculous and selfish, honestly I'm amazed you've put up with it this long. Tell him to sort himself out and stop being a selfish, inconsiderate arse. He can airdry and YouTube in the bathroom FFS. Honestly I'd have divorced my DH by now if he carried on like this and I am very serious!

datasgingercatspot · 28/02/2020 16:17

He'd have done that to me once. After that he'd be sleeping somewhere else. What a cunt.

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 28/02/2020 16:19

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I would be absolutely livid if someone woke me up by such inconsiderate behaviour.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/02/2020 16:22

what a dick, he either needs to sleep somewhere else or start being more considerate

Original poster

Letsallcountsheep · 28/02/2020 16:24

Al1Langdownthecleghole CPAP doesn't make much noise, It sounds the same as the white noise coming from our DC's sound machine which comes through the monitor.

I will be telling him to shower before I go to bed then he can do what he likes downstairs until he's ready to go to sleep

OP posts:

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