Boss blanking me , AIBU to think it's unprofessional

[Pheasantplucker2]

I am a consultant working remotely. She's 15 years my junior.

Our working relationship has been seemingly fine until last week. She sent me what amounted to a performance management email for a junior employee. I am a senior consultant. I responded to all the points raised, reminded her I was a consultant and she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked and asked for a meeting to discuss the situation.

That was over a week ago. I've emailed twice more, tried to call several times and left a voicemail and a text message. No response.

She is answering emails I'm copied in on, or I've instigated as part of a group project discussion in a determinedly bright and breezy fashion.

Wtf do I have to do to get her to discuss this like a professional? I've accepted the working relationship is untenable, and will move on, but I would have liked her to - well - be a manager, talk to me about her issues (most of which seem to stem from her inability to differentiate between an employee and a freelance consultant and why I should be paid for the hours I've worked)

What should I do? I've never, in 25 years of working, mostly in senior positions, come across anything like it. When there have been professional differences of opinion with other colleagues (not many, I'm fairly easy to work with!) we've discussed the situation like adults and, even if we didn't agree, found a way forward. I don't play games, I'm not involved in any office politics as I work remotely most of the time, and I work hard and effectively.

There's absolutely no point to this. She can just terminate our agreement, and as we were about to negotiate a new contract, she doesn't even have to pay me much of a notice period. Why play such ridiculous games?

Anyone come across anything like this before? Maybe she's having a quiet breakdown, or trying to find an alternative solution to using me, but in which case wouldn't you at least send a holding email saying I need to consider my options, I'll come back to you in a week.

I have a management meeting in the diary for next week, scheduled before this happened. I'm not really a confrontational person, but am tempted to go and ask her wtf she's playing at in front of the rest of the team.

NB I don't need a reference from her!

What has her age got to do with it?

What kind of issues did she raise in her email?

Sounds daft, but is she aware that you are a consultant?
Could she, possibly, have thought that you were an employee who wasn't abiding to the usual employee terms and conditions?
If so, then when you emailed back and she realised her mistake, she might have thought, Oh, shit, and is hiding out of embarrassment
Can't think of any other reason to send a performance management review to a consultant, especially one whose contract is almost up. You would just not renew, surely, if you weren't happy?
Except maybe, she was asked to do a review of your service to the company and accidentally sent it to you, rather than her manager? Was it worded as if to you
Other than that, she's nuts, find another client

What has her being 15 years younger than you got to do with anything?

She sent me what amounted to a performance management email for a junior employee. I am a senior consultant. I responded to all the points raised, reminded her I was a consultant and she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked and asked for a meeting to discuss the situation.
If everything was fine until last week and your reaction is so bolshy in relation to just this one thing, then I'm not sure she is the one at fault here. You sound a lot bit 'up and at 'em.

I'm not really a confrontational person, but am tempted to go and ask her wtf she's playing at in front of the rest of the team.
And you are asking if she is being unprofessional? Don't play tit-for-tat.

Honestly it sounds like you need to calm down and perhaps consider whether you are over-reacting. I think she would have been extremely surprised by your aggressive response. She has probably been taken aback by it and is trying to formulate an appropriate response.

I'd calm down first, relax, I say this as a 49 year old who had a 31 year old line manager at one point.

Is this an immediate problem for you right now?
She raised some points and you're responded to them.

Now it seems like she's digesting your response. But even if she's decided that her comments weren't quite right for a consultant, she's sensing that you're dying to go head to head so she is afraid to come back in more gently.

While she's figuring out what to do, you're pushing for a meeting or a response!

I'd change the vibe, reset. change the SUBJECT!

noteverythingisblackanswhite op’s response wasn’t bolshie or aggressive. But the manager ignoring her response is pretty rude.

Age is not much to do with it except that she's relatively new and very inexperienced in this role. I suspect an element of nepotism at play. No sour grapes, it is not a position I would want or am in a situation to be able to do it.

Without being too explicit, it was to do with how I'd split my working hours over 2 weeks. In the past with this company the freelance consultants have been trusted to work to the demands of the business as it ebbs and flows, so manage their own time as long as it covers the needs of the business. I'd emailed her to let her know and she felt I should have basically covered the work and not take the time owing in either pay or adjust my hours. I could see her argument if I was a full time employee but I'm contracted for a specific number of hours and I followed the previously accepted protocol for how this has worked in the past.

I am a senior consultant. I responded to all the points raised, reminded her I was a consultant and she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked and asked for a meeting to discuss the situation

If an employee responded to me like that I would be less than impressed. It hardly comes across as being very calm or professional.

She's obviously being an idiot, but "reminded her ... she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked" is hardly professional either.

Yeh, I think that is your ego speaking there.

I'd say she thinks you don't respect her and that is going to make her think you are ''tricky''

Sounds like she’s an inexperienced manager who doesn’t cope well with confrontation. Suspect she may have fired off her initial email having built up a bit of a head of steam and is now just hoping it will go away. Highly unprofessional IMO but something I see fairly often in my neck of the woods

My response wasn't bolshy, it was very measured and answered all her points with reasonable responses.

I'm perfectly happy to receive constructive criticism and to discuss all her points, but she won't respond to me.

She's perfectly at liberty to take time to consider her response, but I would have thought the professional way to deal with this was to indicate she needed time, not to just flat out ignore me.

I can see we have very different ways of working and that's fine. If I don't suit her business needs it's fine to say so and move on.

I pointed out that I was a consultant because I was so surprised by her email. I've shown it to a friend who is an HR lawyer, and she thought the whole email was extremely unprofessional and was definitely phrased as a communication to an employee.

I would suggest she didn’t fully understand how things have worked in the past. As you know she is inexperienced then your response was, in my opinion, out of order. You could have worded a response in a much nicer and calmer way

I think I would just step back and think not about the tone of her email or whether or not it was unprofessional or no for now.

It is not effortless to compose emails that never ruffle feathers. It's easily done.

Is there a more specific problem here, or just a feeling that she didn't handle you right?

I'd try and be the colleague/employee that doesn't need kid glove handling.

If there is an issue though, raise it!

But I think this is three quarters injured ego and perceived tone on your side and hers inexperience, going in as she means to be respected followed by a quick draw back in response to her first response.

Honestly just bring some coffee and shortbread in to the office next time you're there and talk about something neutral.

I didn't write it in a confrontational manner, I checked it with a friend to ensure it was neutral and calm before I sent it, as I was really pissed off. There were references to how expensive I was and intimating that because I was so highly paid I should do extra hours for free when required by the needs of the business. I've been a full time senior manager and worked my arse off in unpaid overtime, but being paid for the hours I work is a perk of a consultant role, or has been up until now in this company.

My response wasn't bolshy, it was very measured and answered all her points with reasonable responses.

That's not how it appears in your OP. Suggesting she just gets rid of you if she doesn't like the way you work comes across pretty petulant to me.

Suggesting contract termination wasn’t “measured”.

Are you sure it wasn't intended for someone else and sent to you by mistake? Could she just be too embarrassed to tell you that?

Are you able to see her face to face in the near future? As others have said, email is easily misinterpreted. She may have been having a tough day, or been asked to justify your fees, and just been venting in an email which she never really intended to send. Of course, she may just be an arse, but you won't know unless you talk to her.

OP if I were you I’d ask for this to be moved to the employment section. You’re never going to get sensible replies in AIBU, everyone just wants to jump on and find fault with the OP.

FWIW I think you behaved in a perfectly reasonable manner. She has no right to give you a ticking off as though you were a junior employee pissing about on Facebook when you’re an experienced consultant who works for yourself.

To be honest, unless you read both emails, it's impossible for anyone to comment on the tone or context.

The issue is the refusing to communicate. I can't resolve this with her in any way unless she takes my calls or agrees to meeting.

My ego isn't injured, I'm just baffled by being blanked. Happy to have a frank appraisal of my performance with her and discuss any points she wants to raise, but how can we move forward if she won't talk to me? I am one of 3 people in her senior mgt team; we need to collaborate on a huge amount of work. Prior to this we'd speak a couple of times a day!

How dare she tell you you should work for free?! She sounds as though she’s gotten too big for her boots.

Dude you need to give notice.

The benefit of essentially being your own boss (and you are - remember that) is that you can give notice when shit like this happens, avoiding the stress of going through HR shit, performance management etc etc.

Your boss sounds like a twat and her age has nothing to do with it - she’s just a fucking twat.

Use the positives of being “dispensable” and quit.

Good luck for your new project and I hope you find someone who values you better.

Oh and if you are outside IR35 then GTFO now.

It sounds to me like she fucked up in the way she approached you (especially as, like you say, consultants are generally paid for their time and therefore shouldn't be doing overtime unless paid for it) and may now be avoiding you as your response took her aback.

But if she is younger and inexperienced as you say, I would go easy on her and just break the ice with random, friendly, professional chit chat next time you see her and, if you think you need/want to, not take a renewed contract there.

That way, if she was in the wrong, she's learned a lesson, both about your specific situation and how to handle awkward situations at work (which is not usually to avoid someone) and will be grateful for you for it. If you're biased in your version of the events (and no shade here, we all are a bit), and you were really rude to her, then you're not going to get a new contract with them anyway and it'll minimise awkwardness until this one is over if you're polite.

I think your references to her age, her inexperience and possible nepotism point quite clearly to her putting your nose out of joint by managing your performance in your role. I can’t tell exactly what the disagreement here is, but it sounds very much as though a person your own age saying similar things wouldn’t have elicited the same response from you, which sounds to me - correct me I am wrong - like you said something along the lines of “if you don’t like, fire me.”