Boss blanking me , AIBU to think it's unprofessional

[Pheasantplucker2]

I am a consultant working remotely. She's 15 years my junior.

Our working relationship has been seemingly fine until last week. She sent me what amounted to a performance management email for a junior employee. I am a senior consultant. I responded to all the points raised, reminded her I was a consultant and she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked and asked for a meeting to discuss the situation.

That was over a week ago. I've emailed twice more, tried to call several times and left a voicemail and a text message. No response.

She is answering emails I'm copied in on, or I've instigated as part of a group project discussion in a determinedly bright and breezy fashion.

Wtf do I have to do to get her to discuss this like a professional? I've accepted the working relationship is untenable, and will move on, but I would have liked her to - well - be a manager, talk to me about her issues (most of which seem to stem from her inability to differentiate between an employee and a freelance consultant and why I should be paid for the hours I've worked)

What should I do? I've never, in 25 years of working, mostly in senior positions, come across anything like it. When there have been professional differences of opinion with other colleagues (not many, I'm fairly easy to work with!) we've discussed the situation like adults and, even if we didn't agree, found a way forward. I don't play games, I'm not involved in any office politics as I work remotely most of the time, and I work hard and effectively.

There's absolutely no point to this. She can just terminate our agreement, and as we were about to negotiate a new contract, she doesn't even have to pay me much of a notice period. Why play such ridiculous games?

Anyone come across anything like this before? Maybe she's having a quiet breakdown, or trying to find an alternative solution to using me, but in which case wouldn't you at least send a holding email saying I need to consider my options, I'll come back to you in a week.

I have a management meeting in the diary for next week, scheduled before this happened. I'm not really a confrontational person, but am tempted to go and ask her wtf she's playing at in front of the rest of the team.

NB I don't need a reference from her!

OP I'm in the same boat to some extent, although mine has clearly had conversations with other staff members which involve me. It's toxic and completely ridiculous. If they don't want me there they can just terminate our relationship (as can I, but I enjoy working there, am good at my job and get on with everyone). I'm just coasting now and waiting to see what they do next. They won't have any kind of discussion. With mine there is a history of them making poor knee jerk decisions and then projecting on to others, I have no idea if that's what's happening or something else. I do need a reference ideally but could probably manage without. It's miserable.

I think I’d laugh pretty hard if someone wound up an email in which they’d been asked to address some issues with ‘well you can always sack me if you don’t like it’.

15 years younger or not.

You must see it sounds a bit hysterical? Certainly not the measured response to criticism one would expect from someone so senior.

She sounds like she really doesn't know how to 'manage' people... She's trying to act as though the email communication never happened... all that does is prove the point she's not capable of managing the team .. Your response was correct in that you are a contractor and if she is not happy with your services then terminate those services... she clearly does not have the authority to do this ... however she has failed as a manager to manage effectively... so I agree with You OP.. you are not being unreasonable...

I'm perfectly happy to receive constructive criticism and to discuss all her points, but she won't respond to me.

But you're not perfectly happy are you? Because you've already thrown your toys out and threatened to leave

How childish

I get her email was unprofessional, but it sounds as though by contacting her more than once to ask for clarification, you are not giving her a way of backing down. It is obviously your prerogative to do this. However, know she’s hiding from you now part of contracting is also to manage your client, isn’t it?

Idk if you were able to respond in a way to politely shut her down - as in I hope that has addressed your concerns bla bla. Did you include something in the original email to say you hope this has clarified her points and will speak to her tomorrow or some such?

You sound massively pissed off with her. Fine for you to walk away. I’m just wondering how you could approach this differently if it happens again. And really questioning if you really need to walk away if this is really the first time she’s acted like a dickhead. If the job is lucrative and interesting, I’d do the bright and breezy thing. Maybe even tell her you’ll be in the office on x date, x time as previously discussed without her agreeing to the meeting. Look forward to catching up. This will force her hand one way or another.

Oops that sentence doesn’t make sense. I rejigged and didn’t proof read...

However, you know that she is hiding from you now. My understanding is part of contracting is also to your client, isn’t it?

She sounds out of her depth and doesn’t understand the difference between an employee and a contractor. Just thinking because of using a junior “performance management” form it may be that she wasn’t sure how to raise the situation, found the form on the internal managers portal, and thought that was the best way to go about it? Your response made her realise she was wrong!

(Just relating it to my company, where we get fuck all line management training or support and everything I’ve learnt is from what I’ve picked up from poking around the Managers section of our HR portal or asking other managers. I can imagine making a similar error in how to go about addressing a time management concern).

Completely unprofessional of her to blank you though, even on work related emails that actually require a response!

If she's only replying to group emails..email her again with a list of the dates and times you've tried to contact her and that you'd like a meeting/phone call... cc other people.

Just kidding!

As a former consultant I also get your irritation.

She probably realises she may a mistake and she can now see your not to be messed with - as ELSA sang “let it go”

Why play such ridiculous games?

Oh OP.
You know what you're doing! You've pulled rank on your 'inexperienced' manager '15 years your junior'.

You've basically told her where to shove her 'performance management' e-mail where the sun doesn't shine and you know you have.

Please don't pretend to be 'confused' that she isn't replying to your follow up e-mails requesting further feedback. Surely your initial response was enough to make your point. She may have well accepted it.

She may be acting on advice from her own manager. Talk to them if you must.

@Mordred

I'm confused as to why so many pps don't seem to know the difference between 'employee' and 'consultant'.

And I'm confused as to why you think there's only one meaning for 'consultant' and that everyone is supposed to know, without any background info, what type of 'consultant' scenario is being discussed. And that it's being used to mean 'work for myself'.

'Contractor' would be a far more appropriate term - in fact it would be the correct term.

I'm a 'consultant' - a management consultant, a full time employee on PAYE with a normal employment contract.

There are hospital consultants.

There are lots of other types of consultant.

Saying you are a consultant doesn't equate to 'I'm self employed and working on a contract basis'.

You sound like hard work. You've made your position clear. She's tacitly accepted it and is working with you as usual. What's the point of a meeting, except to give you the satisfaction of beating her up about it again?

I usually find the swiftest way to get responses out of people who won't reply to my emails is to copy in THEIR boss and begin the email with "I've emailed you four times now about this without response." Works every time.

Copying their boss into emails is passive aggressive and will only create further challenges.

I find ringing people when I get shitty emails is the best thing. Emails can be read completely wrong to how you think they will be read.

Ah but this lady isn't responding to phone calls either Fizzy. So having to escalate the matter is just a matter of course.

Personally I'd probably go in myself and attempt to catch them in person at their desk first. But if someone is being so petty as to ignore phone calls and emails, copying in their boss is a reasonable resort. You can't manage while you're avoiding communicating with your team.

Downtown

Agree with your last post entirely.
OP sounds as if she is a freelancer. A freelance 'consultant'.

Can you send her a message noting your concern that there has been no Recent direct contact from her as your manager. Is there an issue which needs to be resolved and would a meeting be useful? I find a bit of faux naïveté can be useful-it prob won’t make her react sensibly, but may be useful if you then have to somehow defend yourself against sone allegation from her

She's behaving unprofessionally.

She's tacitly accepted it and is working with you as usual
But ignoring OP's emails and ceasing the regular phone calls is not 'as usual'.

OP If you are a contractor/consultant she isn't your boss. You don't have one.
You have a contract to deliver stuff.

Anything else is fluff that employees have to deal with.

discuss this like a professional?
IMHO people who bandy about terms like "professional" rarely are.

In the minority, but I don't think you are confused by her behaviour at all. You mention not having many professional differences of opinion as you're 'fairly easy to work with', yet you've suggested if she doesn't like your responses she can terminate your contract.

References made to her age, reminders of your seniority. Why so quick to suggest she's having a breakdown? You've had your responses reviewed by a 'HR lawyer' and to learn how much trouble she'd be in. I very much read all your responses as I'm right, she's wrong and yes you are playing games.

Fizzy, OP has already rung!

I'm just baffled by being blanked. Happy to have a frank appraisal of my performance with her and discuss any points she wants to raise, but how can we move forward if she won't talk to me?

Have you emailed this to her OP?
Spoken to any of the 3 seniors you work most closely with?

Sounds to me like you've spat your dummy out a bit here OP.

'If you don't like how I work them terminate my contract'

This sounds very petulant. Although you are a contractor, this woman is your senior and responsible for your contract and how your performance reflects on the company/organisation. She has tried to address whatever issues she may have and you sound like you're not interested in trying to work on them and have issue with the fact she is younger than you.

She may have spoken to her manager to ask for advice on an appropriate way to respond to your reply which is why she isn't addressing it as yet.

I am 34 and the people I manage range between 19 and 66. Some managers are younger than their charges. It happens.