Boss blanking me , AIBU to think it's unprofessional

[Pheasantplucker2]

I am a consultant working remotely. She's 15 years my junior.

Our working relationship has been seemingly fine until last week. She sent me what amounted to a performance management email for a junior employee. I am a senior consultant. I responded to all the points raised, reminded her I was a consultant and she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked and asked for a meeting to discuss the situation.

That was over a week ago. I've emailed twice more, tried to call several times and left a voicemail and a text message. No response.

She is answering emails I'm copied in on, or I've instigated as part of a group project discussion in a determinedly bright and breezy fashion.

Wtf do I have to do to get her to discuss this like a professional? I've accepted the working relationship is untenable, and will move on, but I would have liked her to - well - be a manager, talk to me about her issues (most of which seem to stem from her inability to differentiate between an employee and a freelance consultant and why I should be paid for the hours I've worked)

What should I do? I've never, in 25 years of working, mostly in senior positions, come across anything like it. When there have been professional differences of opinion with other colleagues (not many, I'm fairly easy to work with!) we've discussed the situation like adults and, even if we didn't agree, found a way forward. I don't play games, I'm not involved in any office politics as I work remotely most of the time, and I work hard and effectively.

There's absolutely no point to this. She can just terminate our agreement, and as we were about to negotiate a new contract, she doesn't even have to pay me much of a notice period. Why play such ridiculous games?

Anyone come across anything like this before? Maybe she's having a quiet breakdown, or trying to find an alternative solution to using me, but in which case wouldn't you at least send a holding email saying I need to consider my options, I'll come back to you in a week.

I have a management meeting in the diary for next week, scheduled before this happened. I'm not really a confrontational person, but am tempted to go and ask her wtf she's playing at in front of the rest of the team.

NB I don't need a reference from her!

Mantarays you seem determined to paint me as some bolshy old lag who has been upset by having to report to a younger manager. I'm not about to post the emails to prove my point, but my response was reviewed by a friend who is an HR lawyer, and she thought it was constructive and professional and not confrontational. My friend also raised concerns that my boss would get into hot water due to her putting in writing her lack of understanding in the difference between a consultant and employee.

Fwiw, prior to this, she and I had got on well, been out for lunch and drinks together, and there's no back story about me harbouring grudges or hating younger manager. A consultant role suits my personal situation and I've no desire or capacity for anything more than I already have at present.

I think she's massively out of her depth and panicking. However, in blanking me she's acting to the detriment of the company, as we can't collaborate in an effective way if she will only respond to group emails and not to individual ones from me, on any subject.

Not determined at all. Just the impression I got from your post.

Well, not an “old lag”, but you know what I mean.

I agree it is totally unprofessional behaviour.

If she has issues other the service you are providing she should be able to discuss them.

When does your contract end? Is she just running down the clock until you leave to avoid having to have a conversation?

I would also go to your manager's manager about this if you have that option.

You could have worded a response in a much nicer and calmer way.

The OP hasn't posted their response, so how do you know how it was worded? Just because she is expressing some irritation on this thread doesn't mean her email was written in the same tone.

if an employee responded to me like that I would be less than impressed.
OP isn't an employee though she is a consultant. It's not the same relationship at all.

@mantarays we all know what you mean - rather too well.

I don't think yabu at all. It does sound like a misunderstanding on her part, and her initial email to you was inappropriate. I agree that she should have responded to you within 24hrs, particularly because the content of her email was about your pay and an apparent "breach" of your working hours.

She's either avoiding responding and hoping to sweep it under the carpet or she's consulting HR for advice on next steps.

Are you ready to leave or would you prefer to stay? Before you do anything I think you need to answer this question first.

If you don't hear from her by lunchtime tomorrow, I would send one last email suggesting your availability to meet for coffee (ideally before the team meeting). Most decent managers know they need to resolve HR issues by Friday and not leave it unresolved over the weekend.

I’d be unamused (fellow consultant).

I do work hours which I don’t invoice, but I have an agreement with my boss that I never work Friday afternoon, and if I occasionally go out for lunch for a few hours, or take time off for a hospital appt, or a haircut I bill for a full day regardless.

That works for me, but your set up is different.

Your boss is potentially opening up a coemployment risk if she’s documented that she expects you to work as if you were salaried staff.

should do extra hours for free when required by the needs of the business.
That is totally unacceptable and Im not surprised you are annoyed. It sounds as though she doesn't understand the role of a consultanlt and how they are paid. As you say a company doesn't need to use you but if they do they have to accept to pay your rates. You cant be expected to work for free.

Go above her. The company need to know when middle management are not communicating properly or in a way it’s making staff leave.

She maybe struggling but that not your fault. If you can honestly say you’ve been fair and neutral then question it although I have a feeling she will get back to you just before it.

She maybe be asking the advice of more senior management on how to proceed with it.

Supersimkin2

Good, then. Saves me explaining to the back row.

Are you still able to do the work you’re contracted to do while she’s blanking you?

If so, breezily ignoring the fact she’s blanking you is probably your best bet. Then move on at the end of the contract.

If not, depending on your contract terms, I would consider emailing her boss/your point person for the contract if different from the manager copying the manager saying that the relationship has broken down and despite your best efforts manager is failing to communicate. So you need a meeting with them to discuss closing out the contract early as the current situation jeopardises the project. But I would think this is not a great route unless your reputation risks damage because of the failed project.

(Do not call her out on it during a team meeting - tempting though I can see that is.)

I think just leaving you hanging after creating a bit of an issue is VERY unproffessional and imature on her part.
She is paid to step up not run away and hide.

Age is relevant here. I’ve sometimes faced defensiveness from younger colleages and managers — a sign of their inexperience and, in most cases, inability to do the job. I’ve also had excellent relationships with younger managers who were as eager to learn from me as i was to pass on useful tips. Some of these became friendships and were very rewarding.

Yours sounds like the first sort. You need to re-establish contact, and if she refuses to answer your calls and emails you may need to involve Human Resources. I’d send her one more email asking to sort this out, then contact HR if no real response.

@Pheasantplucker2 I completely understand where you're coming from with the consultant angle and terminating the contract. It's not aggressive or unprofessional. That's normal business in a consultancy role.

I'm not sure why people aren't getting that. Maybe they don't use consultants. I think you're perfectly within you're rights to expect to discuss this with your manager.

Your being 'expensive' factors in sickness and holidays, for which you do not get paid. Nor do you get paid overtime!

Would it be easy for you to pick up other work?

If so, I would just leave for the simple fact that I wouldn't work for a 'boss' who repeatedly ignored me. It's the joy of being a contractor. You don't have to put up with all the shit employees do.

Completely agree with PaulHollywoodsSexGut. I’d politely refer her to the terms and conditions of your contract re your hourly rate (if she’s refusing to sign off on them), and if outside IR35 then I’d not entertain any employee style performance emails, appraisals, etc, as this won’t be part of your contract either (and tell her this too). It’s difficult though if your client starts trying to treat you like an employee, generally better to sort it out diplomatically asap or leave if it can’t be resolved.

She sounds very unprofessional OP.

I assume she’s perm? I just take it as part and parcel of being a contractor.. had a total siko on the client side with this project she reported me for using the non subsidised canteen.
depending what sector you work in, I’d be wary to leave as Ir35 is killing the IT sector atm.

Has there just been one email from her querying your approach and one reply from you explaining why?

Could it be that that is the end of the discussion on the matter? I’m not sure how this amounts to game playing. She queried something, you replied. Yes, it might be nice if she replied, acknowledging your response but not essential, she may just have accepted the explanation and moved onto something else.

The OP says she has emailed twice and also called and texted to discuss it with her. If she doesn't think it warrants further discussion she should at least tell the OP. Ignoring her is not very professional.

Ignoring is bullying. Unfortunately more common that you'd think. Be glad you're not actually her employee. Also giving feedback like that my email is cowardly and inappropriate. She sounds immature and inexperienced, so I can understand why you've referenced her age