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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boss blanking me , AIBU to think it's unprofessional

112 replies

Pheasantplucker2 · 27/02/2020 19:03

I am a consultant working remotely. She's 15 years my junior.

Our working relationship has been seemingly fine until last week. She sent me what amounted to a performance management email for a junior employee. I am a senior consultant. I responded to all the points raised, reminded her I was a consultant and she could terminate my contract if she didn't like the way I worked and asked for a meeting to discuss the situation.

That was over a week ago. I've emailed twice more, tried to call several times and left a voicemail and a text message. No response.

She is answering emails I'm copied in on, or I've instigated as part of a group project discussion in a determinedly bright and breezy fashion.

Wtf do I have to do to get her to discuss this like a professional? I've accepted the working relationship is untenable, and will move on, but I would have liked her to - well - be a manager, talk to me about her issues (most of which seem to stem from her inability to differentiate between an employee and a freelance consultant and why I should be paid for the hours I've worked)

What should I do? I've never, in 25 years of working, mostly in senior positions, come across anything like it. When there have been professional differences of opinion with other colleagues (not many, I'm fairly easy to work with!) we've discussed the situation like adults and, even if we didn't agree, found a way forward. I don't play games, I'm not involved in any office politics as I work remotely most of the time, and I work hard and effectively.

There's absolutely no point to this. She can just terminate our agreement, and as we were about to negotiate a new contract, she doesn't even have to pay me much of a notice period. Why play such ridiculous games?

Anyone come across anything like this before? Maybe she's having a quiet breakdown, or trying to find an alternative solution to using me, but in which case wouldn't you at least send a holding email saying I need to consider my options, I'll come back to you in a week.

I have a management meeting in the diary for next week, scheduled before this happened. I'm not really a confrontational person, but am tempted to go and ask her wtf she's playing at in front of the rest of the team.

NB I don't need a reference from her!

OP posts:

youknowitmakessensedunnit · 27/02/2020 20:03

calm down dear, most professional environments are quite incestuous and if you leave under a cloud theres a good chance it could destroy a good opportunity in the future

Peaswithit · 27/02/2020 20:03

I’m a consultant and I completely get your point of view. I have also been managed by people much younger than me, and been the much younger manager.

I think that she doesn’t understand the difference between consultancy and employment (perhaps like some of the posters in this thread?) and is acting unprofessionally.

The advantage of being a consultant is that you don’t have to take part in office politics, so just let off steam however you need to in private, but then at work act as if the situation is resolved. You have responded to her points, you have clarified the situation, and you have offered a meeting. She’s not your boss, she’s your client. Stay confident in your services, be pleasant and professional, and move on to other things.

I have styled our far weirder situations. If you can handle it well, I bet she will come to ask you for more work in a few years tome!

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 27/02/2020 20:07

Telling a contractor that they ought to suck up the downsides of being an employee (extra unpaid hours, that they are not contracted to do, for the temerity of accepting the high pay the client had agreed to pay them for their services in the contract) without providing them with any of the benefits of being an employee (sick pay, holiday pay, employer's national insurance, contribution opportunity to join employer pension scheme, notice periods... I could go on) is enough to put anyone's nose out of joint.

Eddielzzard · 27/02/2020 20:09

I've been a consultant and an employee so I'd be pissed off too. Does sound like she doesn't understand the difference. Not responding is inappropriate in a work environment and for that reason I'd look to move on. That's the advantage of freelancing!

mantarays · 27/02/2020 20:09

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat

Possibly, but as I say it doesn’t sound exactly like it’s that that put the OP’s nose out...

HeresMe · 27/02/2020 20:11

I would suggest she didn’t fully understand how things have worked in the past. As you know she is inexperienced then your response was, in my opinion, out of order. You could have worded a response in a much nicer and calmer way

It's not the OPs job to know she is inexperienced she's a manager so she should have experience, that's why there is so many incompetent managers about as they don't have experience how jobs actually work.

weeklycubrun · 27/02/2020 20:18

I would probably take it to the manager above her.

angelikacpickles · 27/02/2020 20:19

@adaline

If an employee responded to me like that I would be less than impressed. It hardly comes across as being very calm or professional.

Well quite. But the OP is not an employee. Which is exactly the issue.

eurochick · 27/02/2020 20:20

Could she have seen how much you are being paid (likely more than her) and that has prompted all of this?

adaline · 27/02/2020 20:24

Well quite. But the OP is not an employee. Which is exactly the issue.

Maybe not, but she is still being paid by the company. Surely when you work (especially for yourself) you need to be professional at all times?

Original poster

Pheasantplucker2 · 27/02/2020 20:25

@ OnIlkleyMoorBahtHat you've summed it up exactly.

Time to move on I think.

Thanks all for the perspectives. I will check that my responses are as appropriate as I think they are, but obviously there's a world of difference between the way I write when I'm venting and my actual professional carefully worded response.

OP posts:

happytoday73 · 27/02/2020 20:26

Can you not book some time in her diary to discuss... Saying easier face to face and hopefully quickly clear up any issues

Mordred · 27/02/2020 20:26

I'm confused as to why so many pps don't seem to know the difference between 'employee' and 'consultant'.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 27/02/2020 20:26

Mantarays

Well maybe :-) I thought the OP was just trying to work out in their own mind if those reasons were why this woman was saying this, becuase, regardless of an personality issues between the OP and this woman, its plain she doesn't have a clue about the difference between contractor and employee.
Apart from anything else, if this woman is both actively expecting contractors to behave like employees - and informing them so in writing - that has a whole host of unpleasant legal implications which I'm sure her HR dept would be delighted to know she was dragging the company into.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 27/02/2020 20:28

Pheasantplucker

I think you're better off out of it myself! Onwards and upwards :-)

VeThings · 27/02/2020 20:30

Her email may have been driven by budget concerns - she might not have factored in extra pay for you (or future reduction in hours to compensate for the extra hours you worked). She might have sent it whilst stressed about how to handle the budget.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 20:31

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat

I’d be interested to see both emails, anyway.

AddressLabel · 27/02/2020 20:31

That's not how it appears in your OP. Suggesting she just gets rid of you if she doesn't like the way you work comes across pretty petulant to me.

Doesn't to me. It's just a statement of fact. I'd have probably said something similar.

BeardyButton · 27/02/2020 20:33

Im a consultant too. There are many upsides - the fact Im paid way more than i would be as an employee and only ever have to work hours agreed and provide deliverables agreed. But many downsides... No pension, sick pay, can be dispensed with promptly etc.

People on here have no clue what 'consultant' means. Their usual 'boss man is always right' back in your box answers dont apply. If you dont need this contract - move on. Not worth the hassle. Good consultants are hard to come by. I bet her boss will be really annoyed at her behaviour. I bet she stepped way over her remit telling a consultant they should be working for free...

mantarays · 27/02/2020 20:34

Doesn't to me. It's just a statement of fact. I'd have probably said something similar.

Oh it’s fine and everything, but then expecting the manager to set up a meeting or do anything she wants in return is a little unreasonable. She has made her “like it or lump it” stance clear and the manager seems to be lumping it

Supersimkin2 · 27/02/2020 20:39

Call her boss. You've got 0 choice. She's acted the goat, which is one thing, but blanking you is another. it makes you look bad as you're unable to do your job.

It's fine to call the top banana - I've been in situations where one freelance wouldn't talk to one of the staff, and vice versa, and I'd rather know. TBH she'll do it again, another reason I'd rather know.

You don't sound stroppy at all BTW.

HappyStep1 · 27/02/2020 20:46

@Pheasantplucker2 I'm in a similar position to you at the moment, my direct report is acting like a line manager, I'm contracted to do a particular job which I am doing ( very well, this is agreed with them) but they don't like that I'm not flat out 10 hrs a day (sorry for being good and efficient at my job .

It is a problem for consultants that often people who have no experience of this way of working don't understand the differences between a contractor and employee, this is especially true of younger direct reports, sorry if this offends some people.

If you're in a position to give notice, do, it is your prerogative, but I wouldn't call her out in front of others. As contractors one of our best skills and assets is our professionalism.

sonjadog · 27/02/2020 20:48

Some strange responses here, but I guess that is AIBU for you.

If she has a manager that you can contact, I would email them and fill them in on the situation. If you are happy to leave this job behind, I would just move on to somewhere else.

Skierrdery · 27/02/2020 20:49

I suspect your response put her back in her box to be honest and that she hasn't the grace to respond now.

My pet hate is clock watchers.

Mordred · 27/02/2020 20:55

"My pet hate is clock watchers."

Especially if said clock watcher doesn't realise that if a contractor works for 10 hours, they get PAID for 10 hours. None of this working for free crap.

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