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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to take my child out in the cold

479 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 27/02/2020 10:00

Name changed for this!

I was trying to get my 3 year old daughter to nursery by 8 am for breakfast and so that I can get on with a big work project. She had a massive strop because she wanted to have Coco Pops at home. The general tantruming lasted almost an hour.

I finally forced her into her buggy (not something I normally do), but she ripped off her sweatshirt in the process and she was only in her vest. I attempted to put her coat on over her backwards but she angrily flung it off.

Knowing that she would quickly tire of the cold, I started the 7 minute walk to nursery. There was some very light snowy rain, just a few drops here and there. A woman saw me leaving my building with my daughter flailing around and screaming in her vest, and glared at me. She had a child with her.

When I was halfway down the block, the woman came back and asked me angrily if I had seen the weather and what my child was wearing. I explained that she was having a temper tantrum and I needed to work. I said that I was going to put her coat on her when she calmed down.

The woman insisted that this wasn't good enough and continued to berate me, saying it was horrible not to dress my child. I explained that my daughter had taken her clothes off and showed her the sweatshirt and coat which were ready and waiting.

She shouted at me some more and called me a crazy bitch. I asked her what she would do if she were going to get sacked for being late (this is theoretical, as I am not going to get sacked but I do need to work and I want my daughter to understand that there are boundaries and consequences. I let her make me late way too often). She told me that she would rather lose her job than take her child out in the cold and then yelled at me some more. I lost my temper and shouted back at her and she eventually left.

My daughter was quite upset. She asked if the lady was not nice to me. I explained that the woman was angry with me for not making my daughter wear her clothes in the cold. Then my original plan came to fruition: my daughter agreed to put her top and coat on, I hugged her and said I loved her, and we walked to nursery together.

So, was I unreasonable to take my daughter out in a vest when she was having a horrible temper tantrum?

OP posts:
ralphi · 27/02/2020 13:47

You told your child it was cold enough to need a coat, she didnt believe you, so you let her experience that for herself. That's great. A sort of child led education.

The woman was just completely crazy, and your only mistake was to engage with her.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 27/02/2020 13:48

Don't tell other parents you wouldn't let your child get away with such and such, if you haven't had a child like this.

but as I happened to have had one (2 even) children like that, I am allowed right?

Still didn't let them get away with unacceptable behaviour...

DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 13:48

@mantarays

Do you not have a job? Most people can't take random days off to satisfy the whims of their children. Some people are lone parents, some people have no family support. Saying 'well I just wouldn't go out' is absurd. People have to go out, go to work and earn money so their child can eat and have a home. Are you really suggesting someone should potentially jeopardise their job so their child isn't slightly cold for seven minutes in a day?

Sorry, but you're on another planet.

DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 13:49

Oh I see. You're just a troll. Never mind, I won't waste my time any further.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:50

Do you not have a job? Most people can't take random days off to satisfy the whims of their children. Some people are lone parents, some people have no family support. Saying 'well I just wouldn't go out' is absurd. People have to go out, go to work and earn money so their child can eat and have a home. Are you really suggesting someone should potentially jeopardise their job so their child isn't slightly cold for seven minutes in a day?

I am saying I wouldn’t take my child out practically naked in the snow. I am saying if it came to that, I wouldn’t go to work before I did it. Luckily I don’t believe it would come to that because I am entirely capable of forcing my 3 year old into clothes without damaging her.

wishywashy6 · 27/02/2020 13:50

I’ve just returned from the park with DD. There was snow. After about 15 minutes in a vest, too, jumper, two layered coat, hat and gloves, she had started to shiver. We got back in the car and warmed up. *

With all due respect I don't think you can judge someone else's child based on your own. If I made my DS wear the above he'd want to strip naked and roll around in the snow, he'd be far too warm!

Mymycherrypie · 27/02/2020 13:50

I don’t let it go for an hour though. If they won’t wear their coat I just say, that’s cool, you’ll be freezing but you go for it!

“Mum? I’m freezing”

Coat 1, Child 0

firstimemamma · 27/02/2020 13:51

Yanbu op, the woman was. It's not like u didn't try to dress your child!

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:51

WTF. No, if you really can't get the coat on (I've been there), you take her out and carry it with you, she'll ask for it if she's cold. You do NOT stay in the house and change your plans because your child refuses to get dressed. Nae chance.

“Nae chance” for you. I am not forcing my child out of the house naked. So don’t tell me what I will or will NOT do. I’ll make those decisions myself.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 27/02/2020 13:51

Oh I see. You're just a troll. Never mind, I won't waste my time any further.

in other words, I have no arguments to defend my point of view which happens to be wrong, so I call "troll" Hmm

Ineedcoffee2345 · 27/02/2020 13:51

Next time tell the woman to mind her own business Grin
She would have got a mouthful of me from her 1st sentence.
Mother of a very strong willed 3 year old here myself Wink

Cookiecrumble887 · 27/02/2020 13:52

@GrumpyHoonMain

Nope I have two kids brought up the same.

They both play differently.
One had tantrums* from a year old.

One changed at 3.

One gave me no problems as a baby as slept and ate. The other didn't.

One of mine walked nicely with super road sense and never needed reins. The other is on reins or he would be killed by a car.

One spoke quicker than the other.

I can be strict and at my five year old and she would be stubborn and refuse to go upstairs. Refuse to put the crisps back. Refuse to pick toys up. I've shouted. I've spoke kindly. I've done charts. I've confiscated items. Sometimes she will listen. Sometimes she won't. She's alot better now she's at school.

Me as a kid wouldnt of given my parents any attitude once I had been warned. They often say I would not put up with that. The thing is they never cuddled me or had a close relationship with me. They missed out a whole section of parenting. There's something wrong with my mum emotionally possibly due to being in hospital as a kid in the 50s. She can't show any sort of love or emotion. It's sad. But that's why as kids we behave and didn't dare push her. My kids know I'm not cold and I will hug them etc. They know if they have made me sad. They know we love eachother and we all have feelings. Id rather my kids felt they could argue with me abit than be silent and not heard.

  • post edited by MNHQ
mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:53

If I made my DS wear the above he'd want to strip naked and roll around in the snow, he'd be far too warm!

There’s always one. Hmm Children need to be dressed when they go outside in the snow. If my DD had taken off her coat she wouldn’t have frozen, because she was dressed. There is a whole spectrum of “reasonable” between fully wrapped up in winter clothing and naked on top but for a vest, depending on the child.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:53

Oh I see. You're just a troll. Never mind, I won't waste my time any further.

Cool.

DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 13:54

@JustInCaseCakeHappens No, because of the 'I wouldn't abuse my child' line. Even if you don't agree with what OP did, calling it abuse is not only ridiculous but actually offensive to people who have actually been abused. It's not a rational comment, so can't be a serious poster IMO.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 27/02/2020 13:54

I’ve just returned from the park with DD. There was snow. After about 15 minutes in a vest, too, jumper, two layered coat, hat and gloves, she had started to shiver. We got back in the car and warmed up.

With all due respect I don't think you can judge someone else's child based on your own. If I made my DS wear the above he'd want to strip naked and roll around in the snow, he'd be far too warm!

Definitely. My children would be sweating and miserable dressed like that even in the snow. Yesterday my 5yo was running round the playground in just her school sweatshirt, and it's about 5 degrees C. I had her coat, she wouldn't wear it. Clearly not coming to any harm and we're all happy.

Waterloosunsets · 27/02/2020 13:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 13:55

@JustInCaseCakeHappens And of course my point of view is right. Otherwise I wouldn't have it Grin

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:57

No, because of the 'I wouldn't abuse my child' line. Even if you don't agree with what OP did, calling it abuse is not only ridiculous but actually offensive to people who have actually been abused.

I believe taking a child outside in a vest in the weather we had this morning (or anything approximating to it) rather than start work a bit late is abusive. Not a troll. Just someone who thinks the above.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 27/02/2020 13:57

“Nae chance” for you. I am not forcing my child out of the house naked. So don’t tell me what I will or will NOT do. I’ll make those decisions myself.

I would be seriously agog at anyone who told me they couldn't come out because their child refused to put their coat on. Madness. If your child is uncomfortably cold, they'll put it on as soon they feel it. What harm are they going to come to? And the child wasn't naked. Nobody has taken their naked child out, as far as I can see.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 27/02/2020 13:58

You'd phone your work and say you couldn't come in because your child wouldn't put their jumper on? You'd be the laughing stock of the office for the remainder of your short career.

MarshaBradyo · 27/02/2020 13:59

Yes in this weather you were unreasonable.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:59

I would be seriously agog at anyone who told me they couldn't come out because their child refused to put their coat on.

I am seriously agog that it came to this choice to start with. But we’re all different, aren’t we?

problembottom · 27/02/2020 14:00

I can't believe some of these responses. OP you were fine and the woman sounds deranged, don't give her another thought. You're doing a great job.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 14:00

You'd phone your work and say you couldn't come in because your child wouldn't put their jumper on?

As I have said several times, I don’t believe it would come to this to begin with in my house. And I am surprised anybody here believes themselves to be genuinely incapable of getting a jumper on a three year old.