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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to take my child out in the cold

479 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 27/02/2020 10:00

Name changed for this!

I was trying to get my 3 year old daughter to nursery by 8 am for breakfast and so that I can get on with a big work project. She had a massive strop because she wanted to have Coco Pops at home. The general tantruming lasted almost an hour.

I finally forced her into her buggy (not something I normally do), but she ripped off her sweatshirt in the process and she was only in her vest. I attempted to put her coat on over her backwards but she angrily flung it off.

Knowing that she would quickly tire of the cold, I started the 7 minute walk to nursery. There was some very light snowy rain, just a few drops here and there. A woman saw me leaving my building with my daughter flailing around and screaming in her vest, and glared at me. She had a child with her.

When I was halfway down the block, the woman came back and asked me angrily if I had seen the weather and what my child was wearing. I explained that she was having a temper tantrum and I needed to work. I said that I was going to put her coat on her when she calmed down.

The woman insisted that this wasn't good enough and continued to berate me, saying it was horrible not to dress my child. I explained that my daughter had taken her clothes off and showed her the sweatshirt and coat which were ready and waiting.

She shouted at me some more and called me a crazy bitch. I asked her what she would do if she were going to get sacked for being late (this is theoretical, as I am not going to get sacked but I do need to work and I want my daughter to understand that there are boundaries and consequences. I let her make me late way too often). She told me that she would rather lose her job than take her child out in the cold and then yelled at me some more. I lost my temper and shouted back at her and she eventually left.

My daughter was quite upset. She asked if the lady was not nice to me. I explained that the woman was angry with me for not making my daughter wear her clothes in the cold. Then my original plan came to fruition: my daughter agreed to put her top and coat on, I hugged her and said I loved her, and we walked to nursery together.

So, was I unreasonable to take my daughter out in a vest when she was having a horrible temper tantrum?

OP posts:
DesLynamsMoustache · 27/02/2020 13:34

My DD is an incredibly wilful child. If I couldn’t get her out of the house in her coat without bruising her or breaking her bones on a snowy day, we would have to stay in

This is one of the most mind-boggingly entitled things I've read on here, and that's saying something. I can't even.

Jellybeansincognito · 27/02/2020 13:35

I feel your pain op.
And to think she thought you were the crazy one

jellycatspyjamas · 27/02/2020 13:35

There’s a whole spectrum of persuasion, cajoling and discipline between staying home because a child won’t get dressed and breaking their bones to put a coat on 🙄

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/02/2020 13:35

Genuine question - I understand that the word paddy is offensive to Irish people but where I come from a tantrum is described as a “paddy” - I had no idea it was related to the Irish connection in any way?
I understand that the word paddy comes from st.patrick? But why do people call a tantrum a paddy, does anyone know?

bingbangbing · 27/02/2020 13:35

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Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 27/02/2020 13:36

@jellycatspyjamas no, I never said there was snow on the ground. There was a tiny amount of snowy rain coming down which melted the instant it hit the ground. It picked up after my daughter's coat was on but still wasn't accumulating, just melting.

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 27/02/2020 13:37

OP I have been there, I imagine your stress level was through the roof , did make me laugh though that because of crazy ass neighbour your DD complied in the end 😂😂

I took one of my to nursery in just her knickers once, I did tell nursery they were lucky she even had those on ! I had to get to work and she had been kicking off so I gave her clothes to nursery and when I picked her up in the evening she was dressed and a bobble in her hair (looked like Cousin It when I dropped her off as it hadn’t been brushed), nursery were laughing behind their hands when I dropped her off, your silly neighbour saying she would rather lose her job than take them out half dressed ! Ridiculous

I took the 3 year old to school a few months ago without his wellies on, he wouldt put something in his feet and it had bee raining, it was school pick up time so we had to go, half way up the road he took his wet socks off and put the wellies on

None of them seemed traumatised by the events 🤷‍♀️😂

Cookiecrumble887 · 27/02/2020 13:37

Also a child can't control your life aged 3. If she was hungry then she did need breakfast before going out. But sometimes kids have to learn the hard way. Mums in charge. We are going out now. Last chance. Get out the door please here is your coat.

The op clearly loves her child but had a rushed morning. It's not easily juggling everything with a stubborn toddler. Most including me have been here.

Judging her choice of cereal is ridiculous

bingbangbing · 27/02/2020 13:37

"There’s a whole spectrum of persuasion, cajoling and discipline between staying home because a child won’t get dressed and breaking their bones to put a coat on"

Not with mini bing in the middle of a meltdown there isn't.

jellycatspyjamas · 27/02/2020 13:41

@jellycatspyjamas no, I never said there was snow on the ground. There was a tiny amount of snowy rain coming down which melted the instant it hit the ground. It picked up after my daughter's coat was on but still wasn't accumulating, just melting.

You said you didn’t take a blanket because it would get wet on the snow and rain on the ground. In any event snow/snow rain is too cold to take a small child out in a vest.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 27/02/2020 13:41

bingbangbing
what a stupid and rude comment, it's the OP who didn't want for her kids to have cereals... you should read the actual OP

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 27/02/2020 13:42

@bingbangbing I have to admit that I thought this would be a pretty good, controversial AIBU Grin

OP posts:
mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:43

Of course you're entitled to it. Other people are entitled to disagree with it. They're even entitled to laugh at it.

Do as you like. I don’t mind that. What I kind is the dispute that I should be saying what I think. The idea that I should be saying, “Ah, we all do it differently” or some other bollocks. No. Some people parent badly. This is an example of that, in my view. Laugh if you like.

“I love the fact that you'd just not go to work. Would you honestly tell your boss that you couldn't come to work because your child wouldn't put their coat on?”

Before I took them out naked, yes. But I doubt it would come to that.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 27/02/2020 13:43

If your 3 year old wants to run in front of a lorry, eat medicine, put her fingers in a plug, refuse to go to bed, you still manage don't you? of course you do. She is not "extremely strong willed", she is a normal child, it's your job to be a parent.

My first child wasn't like this but my second is. She's 5 now. Total nightmare when she decides she doesn't want to go along with what I say. I could have grabbed her and held her down to stop her running in front of a lorry. A minor injury would have been acceptable for that reason, but not to get her in to a coat. I can stop her eating medicine - it wouldn't even have been in her reach in the first place.

But put her coat on while she was thrashing about? Impossible. The first arm would be out before I got the second on. And I couldn't get her in the buggy either - she'd kick it over as I was lifting her in, and even if I got her in she'd throw herself forward and ram her feet on to the ground. I've had to lift/drag her out the house screaming many times. She's a very clever, funny, communicative, socially mature girl but a horror when she wants to be. Older DS isn't like that at all.

Don't tell other parents you wouldn't let your child get away with such and such, if you haven't had a child like this.

bingbangbing · 27/02/2020 13:43

Rude yes, stupid? No.

Rather proud of my little twat song Smile

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:43

This is one of the most mind-boggingly entitled things I've read on here, and that's saying something. I can't even.

Huh?

Cookiecrumble887 · 27/02/2020 13:43

Op I'm not saying it's the healthiest and I'll probably get told off but have you seen Asda do snap bars in chocolate or yoghurt flavour. Rice crispies or cocopops basically. Perhaps on your rushed mornings she just munch one of those in her buggy if she gets in nicely. Most mornings I have chance for breakfast. A couple of times my kids have had a teacake or apple and cereal bar on the way. Xx

JRUIN · 27/02/2020 13:44

Excuse me? What's wrong with cocopops? They might not be the healthiest but it's better for a child to eat something and have some milk than starve?

Doesn't fill child up, bad for teeth, causes sugar rush then sugar crash and causes tantrums when child knows they're in the cupboard but is refused them.

PickAChew · 27/02/2020 13:44

BTDT.

13yo with asd will only wear a coat at school and that's an improvement from when he was little.

The only response to people having a go at you is "you are not helping, goodbye" (while thinking"fuck off")

And if course op prioritised her job. Dd put her coat on, in the end and no good would happen if op lost her job. Some people live in a fantasy world if they think a woman making sure she gets to work has her priorities wrong.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 27/02/2020 13:44

Not everyone has a “spirited child” and those that don’t just don’t have a clue.

when you start to use the term "spirited" to describe naughty behaviour, you are on a very slippery slope...

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/02/2020 13:44

A three year old tantruming to this extent isn’t normal. My guess is she does this because she can get away with it - you do need to be firmer. Force the clothes on her and then strap her into the buggy.

bingbangbing · 27/02/2020 13:45

@GrumpyHoonMain

Oh look- another one!

Porcupineinwaiting · 27/02/2020 13:46

Children are homeotherms and come covered in waterproof skin. Nothing terrible will happen to one just because it gets slightly cold and damp for a few minutes, esp 1 with a coat available right there to be put on when it's ready.

mantarays · 27/02/2020 13:47

Some people live in a fantasy world if they think a woman making sure she gets to work has her priorities wrong.

I don’t abuse my child so I can get to work. That’s my priority list and I am happy with it.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 27/02/2020 13:47

My DD is an incredibly wilful child. If I couldn’t get her out of the house in her coat without bruising her or breaking her bones on a snowy day, we would have to stay in

WTF. No, if you really can't get the coat on (I've been there), you take her out and carry it with you, she'll ask for it if she's cold. You do NOT stay in the house and change your plans because your child refuses to get dressed. Nae chance.

Now I just don't attempt to put her coat on. She goes out the door, I have it in the bag. No fights and I don't have to look like I've lost! If it's raining etc she realises as soon as she's out the door - I hold it out and she meekly puts it on Wink