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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is unusual for a 10 year old to announce she is bisexual?

162 replies

PotteryLottery · 26/02/2020 22:00

My Y6 child came home saying that 10 year old classmate who has previously identified as a lesbian with a girlfriend, is now saying she is bisexual.

She had to explain the terms to my child.

Is this normal playground talk nowadays?

I have no problem with any child's sexuality but I'm just wondering if I should mention it to the school in case she has been exposed to something inappropriate for her age? I know the girl has teen siblings.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 27/02/2020 15:00

youd be surprised what children of that age discuss tbh. My daughter decided she was "pansexual" at 11, and now she is nearly 12 has decided she is a lesbian. It doesnt mean shes meeting up with people for gay sex. It just means that she is interested in having girlfriends instead of boyfriends. My son is only a bit older and is interested in girls, but its still all fairly innocent, and nobody suggests to him that hes too young to know

jumpinjeepers · 27/02/2020 15:04

Wouldn't worry about it. Lots of Y5's in my DC class who have 'boyfriends' or 'girlfriends'. They don't, in most cases it seems they barely even speak to their 'beloved'. Just summat they say... and yes by 10 they know straight, gay, bi all exist...

jumpinjeepers · 27/02/2020 15:11

'Such a change from being at school in the 80s, and I think it can only be a good thing I really don't think the labelling is good, I think we are messing out the DC.'

It's not 'labelling' - it's discussing the fact that LGBT people exist. Not discussing it with kids won't make them any less gay of they're gay or straight if they're straight.
I knew at 10 I liked girls, I also had a crush on one of the boys in the class. Turned out I was gay, but without any context for what I was, without any role models or openly gay people, without knowing LGBT people even existed, and without any tolerance whatsoever around me I had a horrible time growing up.

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 15:14

Fortunately, or unfortunately for a lot of us, the LGBT stuff in schools leave some kids feeling left out to be "hetro" as it's boring compared to their trans, gay etc mates.

I think the openness & support available now for LGBT in schools is fantastic & needs to be there, but peer pressure can say to them that straight is uncool or they just want to join in with the drama as kids often do

This is a bit young, we hit this stage at 12, but with warnings from friends who work with it & have older DCs, we did tackle it head on with DD who insisted she was bi, then gay, despite only having interest in boysConfused She was absolutely horrified when we pointed out that being gay meant that you wanted to have sex with other girls, not just hold hands & be friends. We pointed out that she wasn't old enough for sex anyway, so could she please wait until she was old enough before making decisions to announce to the world, as such things should really be private anyway. She was really angry & I was accused of all sorts at the time, but as her trans friend is now no longer trans & is big hard an who is as embarrassed as hell by that phase, she agrees it was best to wait.

She'd still call herself bi though, even though she's still only interested in boys 🙄

SarahAndQuack · 27/02/2020 15:42

Your poor DD, @BrokenMumTeenDD

I do try hard not to judge (really), but telling her to wait to talk about her sexuality and that such things should be private?

No wonder she tells you she's not gay any more.

I hope you haven't damaged her so much she ruins her life by staying in the closet and never meeting someone she likes.

Mummoomoocow · 27/02/2020 15:44

I knew age 10 but I didn't know there was a word for it. So likely a word being used in the playground by kids with older siblings

mbosnz · 27/02/2020 15:51

My daughter told us she was gay at 10. She knew exactly what it meant, as we've been very open talking with them about sex, and not uncomfortable about it, so they'd just happily ask questions and have them answered in an age appropriate way as they grew up.

At 12 she told us she was gay.

She knows what it means, and it's no more a 'label', than New Zealander, Pakeha, or Female. It's what she is, part of who she is.

As for it being 'cool' to be other than straight - there's still a shitload of homophobia out there, and a lot of it in schools. She has copped it a time or two.

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 15:51

Sarah, you misunderstood me. Nobody told her she couldn't talk openly about anything, she wasn't at an age for it really to be an issue, so it didn't need to be the main topic of conversation all day & everyday, which it was becoming 🙄 she is very open about her sexuality now, even though there is absolutely no evidence that she is bi

& wtf needs to know intimate details of the sexual preferences of everyone they meet anyway. Do you really announce it to everyone you meet like it needs to be everyone's business- bollocks to that

mbosnz · 27/02/2020 15:52

Sorry, she told us she was bi-sexual at 10, and lesbian at 12.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 27/02/2020 15:55

I really don't think there are kids who think it's uncool to be straight. Sure dome kids may mistake friendly feelings for more at a young age so a girl might have a crush on a boy and turn out to be gay or may have a 'girlfriend ' and turn out to be straight. That's fine. Just because you declare yourself straight/gay at 10 years old doesn't mean you're branded for life.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 27/02/2020 15:57

@BrokenMumTeenDD while it doesn't have to be announced on the evening news it certainly would come up among friends at that age. They'll discuss who they fancy or which celebrities they like and it would be natural to mention if you like a celebrity of the same sex rather than keeping it secret or lying.

Oblomov20 · 27/02/2020 16:05

Ds2 announced that 2 girls said they were lesbian, lady year in year 5, and have been going out with each other, girlfriend and girlfriend since last year, year 5, aged 10.

Seemed very early to me!

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 16:08

& that's perfectly fine & as it should be Sarah

Maybe it's regional, school dependent etc, but unfortunately there is pressure on teens not to be straight. Friends have experienced it too. DD has admitted that she's felt that pressure & I think she still does. She's horrified at the idea of sex with a woman though, so it's very unlikely she really is bi. If she is, so what, she's old enough now

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 16:32

Sorry, wrong tag Blush

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/02/2020 16:35

By 10 I would expect sexuality to start being discussed in the playground. You wouldn’t have said anything had she mentioned she was straight and liked boys! Being LGBTQIA isn’t something to be ashamed of any more, thank goodness, so kids will start identifying as early as straight kids currently do. That’s not a crime.

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 17:01

Grumpy, at 10, girl celeb crushes don't necessarily mean LGBT, it can be perfectly normal - & is most definitely non sexual at that age

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 17:02

& no, of course it isn't something to be ashamed of.

No need to over sexualise things at this age

ShesCurly · 27/02/2020 17:58

Grumpy, at 10, girl celeb crushes don't necessarily mean LGBT, it can be perfectly normal - & is most definitely non sexual at that age

LGBT is perfectly "normal".

Totally agree with you that it doesn't mean being over sexualised - I knew I fancied both girls and boys at 10 but still didn't have any desire to do anything about it. I just knew. And if that had changed and I only fancied people of one sex later on, that would have been "normal" too.

Words like "normal" are throwaway and I know you didn't mean anything by it probably but it just jars a little.

mbosnz · 27/02/2020 18:03

LGBT is perfectly "normal".

Totally agree with you that it doesn't mean being over sexualised - I knew I fancied both girls and boys at 10 but still didn't have any desire to do anything about it. I just knew. And if that had changed and I only fancied people of one sex later on, that would have been "normal" too.

@ShesCurly

Thank you for expressing this so well, you've found the words I've been struggling to say!

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 18:03

LGBT is perfectly normal

If course it it's!!! I didn't mean & would never say otherwise

Lordfrontpaw · 27/02/2020 18:03

If you believe in souls/bodies and gendered feelings I suppose...

ShesCurly · 27/02/2020 18:10

Sorry if I misread your meaning @BrokenMumTeenDD no offence meant towards you either x

TheTwilightZone · 27/02/2020 18:14

Hands up anyone who DIDN'T know what gender they were attracted to when they were 10

I didn't know what sex I was going to be attracted to at age 10.

Lordfrontpaw · 27/02/2020 18:16

I don’t think gender was a thing back on the dark ages when I was a kid (well it wasn’t a choice thing). I was pretty certain that I was going to be a nun when I was 10.

BrokenMumTeenDD · 27/02/2020 18:26

No worries She'sCurly I probably didn't word myself well