To think it is unusual for a 10 year old to announce she is bisexual?

[PotteryLottery]

My Y6 child came home saying that 10 year old classmate who has previously identified as a lesbian with a girlfriend, is now saying she is bisexual.

She had to explain the terms to my child.

Is this normal playground talk nowadays?

I have no problem with any child's sexuality but I'm just wondering if I should mention it to the school in case she has been exposed to something inappropriate for her age? I know the girl has teen siblings.

It's not unusual in my children's school. Dd has a friend who is supposedly pansexual!
Dd (10) likes boys and girls and recently split up with her girlfriend (cue many tears). Amuses me how it's often deemed as 'too grown up' when it's same sex attraction!

Having a sexuality doesn't mean having sex

It sounds a whole lot healthier than if she felt that way but had no word for it, or felt shame about it, as might have been the case when we were young.

It’s only a description and it doesn’t mean anything inappropriate- no children grow up in a ‘neutral’ environment. They are surrounded by adults who are often in relationships, and books and films, in particular, even aimed at very young children often have little (always heterosexual) romances in them/animated characters falling in love. So they are surrounded by role-models of who they might be when older.

At that age, going by my and my children’s reactions, relationships are yuck, but they might have a crush on someone in class, or imagine getting married one day. It’s not a sexual thing. It’s just a description of who they might one day consider. It’s only because straight is the default, that it is a comment-able thing.
Good for her knowing the appropriate vocabulary to describe what she feels accurately. Maybe that means she’ll be comfortable being herself when she’s older and wanting a relationship.

It's always been the same at this age, do you not remember having a girl crush and thinking you were gay. Most end up being heterosexual it's usual and normal to be confused.
I think people are too quick to accept children saying this as fact, when they usually change their mind.
Some will be gay, some will be bisexual, some will change their mind, some won't. I remember our mothers in the 80's telling us to tell them again when we were 18.

I had a vague idea I liked girls by that age but sexuality was about as far away from my mind and my vocabulary as it should be for a 10 year old child.

It’s probably something she’s picked up from somewhere. It’s LGBTQWERTYUIOP+++ everywhere you turn now. Bets on she’ll be non binary by next Thursday.

Honestly why they couldn’t have just kept to some people have two mums and some people have two dads and that’s all fine and normal. All this blethering on about sexuality to children is bloody abusive, and I’m saying that as a lesbian. I’d have been so glad just to hear that it’s fine for girls to go out with girls and boys to go out with boys when I was a kid. I could have worked out the rest myself, and most probably would have done so far sooner than I did.

My DD told me she was gay aged 9. I am not sure if she is? First I thought it was the run up to pride, she got mesmerized by the costumes and rainbows. She has SEN. Now age 11 she is still marrying a woman but is now non binary. It is mental, I am just nodding smiling and accepting. Time will tell their wee heads are filled with shit finding a label and place in society.

I knew at 10. My first kiss was with another girl at this age, but I also had a crush on my friends brother. It wasn't talked about in the 80s and I thought there was something wrong with me as all my other friends only liked boys. It wasn't until this other girl said she liked me that I realised I wasn't alone. If I had known more about it I might have announced it at that age too. Kids in general are more open and aware these days, I have noticed that when I have been working with them. I think fine to watch and wait, but it isn't really okay to say categorically that no one knows at that age. I did and many others I have spoken to did as well.

I knew I was gay at ten. I just didn’t know a word for it. By the time I was at secondary school I knew the word. My ten year old definitely knows what bisexual means and I think her younger sister does although I’d have to check. Why on earth would you think a child has been exposed to something inappropriate because they use the word bisexual?

This is a great thread, it is giving me lots of perspective. I want my DD to be happy, She more than likely is gay, I'm on the fence about her non binary.
Bets on she’ll be non binary by next Thursday This made me laugh and feel less alone with a new age preteen.

“ Honestly why they couldn’t have just kept to some people have two mums and some people have two dads and that’s all fine and normal.”

It’s only the word to describe it though. Friends of ours are in gay marriages, and don’t (currently) have children. When my DD asked me why they were together I said pretty much what you did: some men fall in love with men, some women fall in love with women, and some might fall in love with anyone, depending who they got on with.

She was into words for things and asked what it was called when etc., so she knows lesbian, gay, bi and straight.
She said “oh, okay” and got back to doing whatever. But it’s normal for children to create future labels for themselves, to imagine and find themselves. “I want to be a ———— when I grow up” is often a job, but it could be an orientation. And it might stay the same when they’re grown up, or they might be trying out roles, to see if they fit that identity, just like they do with subjects to study or jobs.

My nine year old announced he is bisexual to my DP a few weeks back. He has a boyfriend atm, and last week had a girlfriend. There seem to be a few of them who chop and change between "partners" on a frequent basis!

I think a child can have a fair idea in early puberty, but I agree that if I were him I'd rather not stick a label on it just yet - purely because I've been there myself, and wasn't able to properly label my sexuality til my thirties!!

Isn't it bicurious if you fancy both men and women but haven't actually been in a sexual relationship with both?

No. Because that's like saying you aren't straight unless you've actually been in a sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Sexuality and sexual activity are not synonyms.

I'm bisexual. I knew by 10 that I fancied some boys and some girls. I don't think I had a label for it but I wouldn't be surprised that now kids are much more aware of labels for things and stuff is discussed more openly at school / in the media.

She might be bisexual, she might be wanting to see what reaction it gets, she might just be saying something flippantly... who knows!

No indication of anything remotely troubling in my opinion. I'm not sure why on earth you would feel this needs flagging to the school, that's a very, very odd reaction.

I always knew I fancied girls and boys (thought it was the same for everyone when i was 10) but didn't know there was a word for it til i was halfway through uni. Had a lot of people tell me i was "greedy" or slutty or (personal favourite) "too scared to admit you're a lesbian".

ShesCurly I have a friend who did think he was straight until he lost his virginity in his late 20's and now identifies as asexual.

i think it’s perfectly normal to know at that age and also normal to know the terminology.

At that age I didn’t know the term because it wasn’t really known back then, but I absolutely knew I liked girls at that age as well as boys (and knew enough to keep quiet about it because of how it really wasn’t accepted).

All normal.
Having an awareness of sexuality (appropriate) isn’t the same as “being sexually active” (highly inappropriate and a safeguarding issue).

I think we’ve also as a society forgotten the innocence of the playground- children use this time/ safe spaces to effectively role play adult scenarios and work out their feelings/ responses etc. They’re rehearsing for adulthood (often a high drama version!) thats all.

I kissed a girl at that age (first kiss) and definitely knew I liked girls and boys (didn’t kiss a boy til I was 16). But I didn’t know a word for it, I didn’t even know what a lesbian was. I think if I’d have known the word bisexual I still wouldn’t have told anyone but I certainly would’ve thought I was one.

I knew I liked boys at 10, I don’t see why someone can’t know they like boys and girls at the same age. My daughter was telling me she was bisexual at that age even if she didn’t know the term. She’s 17 now and is happily bi.

Erm, at that age I'd say yes it's quite young. Not because of identifying as bi, but to be thinking about who they find sexually desirable.
I understand that children all mature at different rates, and maybe DD has lied to me or is just not maturing in that respect as early as some, but she told me the other day she doesnt really like boys yet.
A few of her friends are sort of talking about having a boyfriend, I think it's more like I fancy a bar of chocolate, but I'm unsure what I like, so I would wonder where they'd got the impression from at that age that's what they were.

I'd also possibly sit down with them and say, this isnt part of their identity that they should necessarily spend too much time worrying about labelling right now, that they should give themselves a few years to learn more about themselves as a complete individual before they have to prescribe to any groups of people who belong to a certain label, whether it is heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual.

They all have labels in secondary school.Dd went from lesbian,bi then pansexual(it attracted less questions) ,she briefly had a girl friend but since then has only fancied boys(and men /boys on TV).
Now in college and they don't bother with labels and expression seems to be by way of dressing/hair colour and piercings now they have been freed from uniforms.
She's happy to be a girl and what her sexuality turns out to be is not my problem as long as she is happy and I can supply ice-cream and chocolate for the inevitable heart breaks.

I think it's pretty early but depends on the child i suppose? I knew I was bi by age 13 for certain, I'd been questioning myself earlier than that though

i knew i was gay from about 11 so i'd say it's not that unusual. at the time i didn't say anything til i was a little older but I imagine if i was an 11 year old nowadays I would be open about it

Same sex attraction is the same thing as when heterosexuals fancy one another so why is it inappropriate or concerning because its LGBTQ in nature?

I have no idea what normal is but I suspect there isn't one. I certainly knew I 'liked girls' as well as boys at aged 10, still like both now. Applying the appropriate, now commonplace terminology to that shouldn't be a concern. If it had been commonplace at thr time and there were the resources to have enabled 10 year old me to understand that fancying females is valid rather than wondering why I had 'girl crushes' endlessly, then I'd have used them.

If there is no other behaviour that is alarming OP then I think YABU here. Maybe have a conversation with your DD if she is concerned about the fact that those are legitimate terms and people like whom they like and they can label it of not, may change their mind or may not. Just a normal part of life.

I knew I was straight from then. They just have the words now.