To think it is unusual for a 10 year old to announce she is bisexual?

[PotteryLottery]

My Y6 child came home saying that 10 year old classmate who has previously identified as a lesbian with a girlfriend, is now saying she is bisexual.

She had to explain the terms to my child.

Is this normal playground talk nowadays?

I have no problem with any child's sexuality but I'm just wondering if I should mention it to the school in case she has been exposed to something inappropriate for her age? I know the girl has teen siblings.

I think most of us are unusually squeamish about words like 'gay' or 'bisexual' because a lot of us grew up under Section 28 or in the shadow of it.

It was forbidden to teach children about what were considered to be 'pretend' relationships. It created a real culture of silence. You'd be very unlikely to find a teacher saying 'yes, Gemma has two daddies and that's just fine,' because the teacher would worry he or she would be falling foul of Section 28 or risking a discussion that couldn't be carried out without doing so. So it was often just avoided.

But if you think about it, it's totally normal children use words they don't fully understand.

My DD is nearly three. She cannot properly say the word 'lesbian' but she has heard it plenty of times because it's part of her world. We go to a meet-up group with the other lesbian mums; she's often heard me have conversations with other adults where the subject comes up.

In the same way, she knows words like 'daddy' and 'school' even though she doesn't really know what they mean. So she'll tell me she wants to be a daddy when she grows up, or she wants to go to school when she's big.

I don't think it's a sign she's interested in things that are too old for her - just that it's normal for children to test out what words mean and try them on for size.

What does it mean not to take someone else’s sexuality too seriously? Does it mean that you are entitled to hold them to it in the future, so that if they change their minds, you have cause for complaint? Surely not, it has nothing to do with you if someone is bi today and hetero tomorrow. Does it mean that you can doubt they mean it? But why would you try to tell someone else you know better than them what they feel? Does it mean that you should humor them and assume they are being childish? But that is condescending and inappropriate.

Why are they even thinking about it enough to give it a label? They should be enjoying learning and playing. Watching cartoons, playing with toys and out on their bikes and playgrounds etc. Not worrying about what their sexuality is

My dd had lessons at school in Y6 about sexuality, and as a lead on from that everything related to LGBYT issues is just completely normal.I gather that children she knows now (Y7) have identified as gay/bisexual/asexual, etc but it's all just accepted. Such a change from being at school in the 80s, and I think it can only be a good thing.

'Sounds about young' but people have absolutely no issue with their son/daughter talking about how they have a crush/like someone of the opposite sex.

If you ask many LGBT adults when they knew, they will usually tell you an age younger than this.

@HAhelp101, why wouldn't anyone be thinking about it?

It's normal for children to think about things around them, that they encounter.

I bet there are also children who are saying they're going to be footballers or scientists or film stars, without really having an adult understanding of what that means; there will be children who say when they're grown up they want to live in a big house with three cats and children who say they never want to get married because boys are revolting.

How is this any different?

Whenever a child discovers that they aren't straight everyone suddenly jumps to sex and why the child is thinking of it. Who says that they are? There are MANY different steps before sex.

I would react to it in the same way I'd react if a girl had a crush on a boy. If my DD at 10 has a crush on a boy at 10 I'll acknowledge and listen to her feelings but won't assume she may not yet turn out to be gay. The same thing she announced at 10 that she was bi. I would assume that meant there were both boys and girls she'd had feelings for,id acknowledge those feelings and if they change over time I'd acknowledge those changes too.

I do think there's a double standard where a straight 10 year old developing feelings for the opposite sex is normal and healthy but a gay or bi tween doing exactly the same thing with the same degree if openesss is regarded as either overly sexualissd or too young to understand etc.

That’s nice dear. Fish fingers OK for tea? Don’t forget we have to sew that badge on before Brownies.

Such a change from being at school in the 80s, and I think it can only be a good thing I really don't think the labelling is good, I think we are messing out the DC. As I mentioned up thread my Daughter said she was gay from 9, now age 11 she wants to identify as Non binary, I think it is messing with there head.
It wouldn't bother me a jot if her life partner is female, it is the labelling I dislike. I keep saying just be you, love is love there is no need for a label.
She came to me really upset she doesn't want to be referred to as she? This DC was unicorn pink and doll mad, it concerns me as she is ASD, she feels like a weirdo in comparison to peers so is labelling herself differently.

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My daughter and her friends are a year above yours and more than half of her group seem to either self identify as gay or bisexual in a very matter of fact way, no drama, no teasing about it from what I know. I think it’s great that it’s all seen as no big deal, especially when I look back at people I went to school with being tormented about their sexuality/alleged sexuality all through school.

*has ASD.

as far as labelling goes, as long as they’re not being labelled by others and we all remember that everyone is entitled to change their mind then it’s fine.

Would you really be as dismissive as that @recrudescence? Because it can take a lot of courage for some children to come out. I like to think I could take 5 min out of my busy schedule to reassure one of mine in those circumstances.

My 11 year old says she likes boys and girls. She had a girlfriend. When I said her girlfriend couldn't sleepover she said 'why, it's not like we can do anything, we're both girls'. I laughed internally. She's so not ready for any type of relationship and just picking up things from older people. I think it's like anything, kids copy.

What's the problem with a label, though?

I accept that, if people use a label to judge or restrict someone, that is not pleasant. I can see how you might worry that cruel children might tease another child and say 'oh, but you said you were bisexual and now you say you're not'. But isn't that a problem with the other kids, and something they should be stopped from doing?

It is a sad fact of this world that if you are a 10 year old girl who goes gooey-eyed over a 10 year old boy, or can't stop rambling on about a male popstar, or babbles about wanting to marry their crush, no one thinks it needs a label. But it can be quite difficult not to label the exceptions to that opposite-sex model. Maybe labels sometimes just help children try on identities and ideas about themselves?

@EmeraldShamrock So because your daughter may be mislabeling herself these labels shouldn't exist? That's a problem between you and her to be honest.

When labels are used correctly it is an incredible experience. To be able to put into words what you are. To be able to find a community of other people like you. To be able to discuss issues within the label without having people who don't know what they're talking about talking over everyone. It's nice.

What does it mean not to take someone else’s sexuality too seriously?

I didn’t say that, I said don’t take their declaration too seriously. It means don’t pigeon hole them but just be there for them. Don’t go about declaring it to all comers or repeating it to your child, or doing anything differently.

It means be sensitive!

LGBT children has some good advice on this btw

I think a ten year old who has already identified as a lesbian and is now BI sexual is possibly confused, maybe attention seeking, due to their young age. I’d think maybe yes the teen siblings had something to do with it, intentionally or otherwise.

What would they have been 'exposed' to? The word bisexual? Bisexual people? Struggling to see what is age-inappropriate about a child knowing that not everybody is heterosexual, particularly if they are curious about their own feelings which seem different to what they see around them.

Plenty of young people are going through puberty at aged 10. It is not too young whatsoever for attractions and sexual preferences to form. It doesn't mean they are thinking about it in an overtly sexual way.

I definitely remember childish crushes on boys when I was 10. These days, thankfully, people are a lot more open about talking about sexuality. If I’d had those feelings towards girls as well I might have felt a bit confused back then, hopefully now a girl in a similar position knows that’s normal and that it has a name. I think that’s fine, healthy in fact.

EmeraldShamrock So because your daughter may be mislabeling herself these labels shouldn't exist? That's a problem between you and her to be honest after LBGT no I don't think the additional letters are doing DC any good.
LGBTTQQIAAP It is abit much, love is love, I've no issue her describing herself as gay, the extension of forever growing letters and labels are ridiculous.
A decade ago she would just be gay, now she has to decide if she more female or male or neither assuming she's non binary. Wtf.

When I was 10 I thought I could get pregnant from sleeping with my teddy.

That'd be one hairy baby.