To think it is unusual for a 10 year old to announce she is bisexual?

[PotteryLottery]

My Y6 child came home saying that 10 year old classmate who has previously identified as a lesbian with a girlfriend, is now saying she is bisexual.

She had to explain the terms to my child.

Is this normal playground talk nowadays?

I have no problem with any child's sexuality but I'm just wondering if I should mention it to the school in case she has been exposed to something inappropriate for her age? I know the girl has teen siblings.

I don't really know why kids are even thinking about sexuality until well into puberty. I know you will get the odd early developer but for most 10 year olds there will be little difference (hormonally) between girls and boys) so I'm not sure why this stuff is even entering their heads.

My ten year old niece thankfully is still very much a little girl and seemingly remotely disinterested in this stuff (while aware you can love whomever you chose since her auntie is married to another woman).

I don't really know why kids are even thinking about sexuality until well into puberty I don't see it is about sex, more about a crush, DD age 11 gay has never had any relationship, she had a crush on her friend but kept it to herself, so discovered she is gay.
It is normal to have a crush age 10 on a boy or girl. I had a crush a 10. I kissed a girl at 13 and realised I was completely straight.

My 7 year old knows the terms and can explain them, whether he understands them or not is a different matter, what he does know is when someone is in love with xyz

We have recently just had a very uncomfortable (for me) conversation about pregnancy, while I am happy to judge the questions and answer them in an age appropriate manner I have started to ask where he is getting some of these ideas from, main answer seems to be from kids with older brothers and sisters.

I would not be comfortable with him coming home having a label slammed on him at his age, but him asking questions is fine and making sure he understand what they mean

I would be totally relaxed about this. At school (a long time ago) when l was 10 I (thought) that l had a boyfriend. In reality a playground crush.

Today, there are more people who are “out”, single gender relationships and single gender weddings. It’s the real world and children rightly see it.

I was in my 30s when l understood my own sexuality properly. So, a 10 year old is unlikely to know where they stand for ever.

The important thing is a happy and loved childhood.

My 4 yr old nephew has a 'girlfriend'. Is this really any different.

DD age 11 gay has never had any relationship, she had a crush on her friend but kept it to herself, so discovered she is gay.

I really wouldn't think an 11yo girl having a crush on her friend means she's definitely gay. I don't think these labels are helpful for children this age.

I really wouldn't think an 11yo girl having a crush on her friend means she's definitely gay. I don't think these labels are helpful for children this age Neither do I but in a world full of labels this is the one she uses to describe herself.

Of course all the heterosexual children are just being cute when they talk about their crushes and boyfriend/girlfriends
nope, I think it's a bit yeuch for a small child who hasn't even started puberty to have any idea of their seuality

vikkimoog you are yuking because you are confusing things.

Plenty of DCs have crushes from very young. My DD has has a crush on the same boy for six years since she met him at three. Nothing has happened and I don’t think the crush is centered around anything remotely sexual like kissing on the lip. Apparently others who are boyfriend and girlfriend in her school spend the break together and may hold hands. They usually break up after a few days. Socially it should be perfectly normal for DCs to express these romantic desires towards the other sex, the same sex or both (many thanks to the lesbian poster who feels that being bisexual is a step too far for DCs, aren’t you a peach?).

Then there are factual accounts of sex. It is best that DCs know from a young age specific, named details (penis, vagina, sex, etc) about what happens, partly with respect to biology and procreative safety (later on) and partly to understand the importance of consent and its boundaries with your own body so as to be able to identify a sexual predator in the future.

Then there is the doing of sex which DCs discover in stages, at whatever rate they feel comfortable with and with whomever they feel comfortable to consent to (assuming no abuse is involved that it).

You are yuking the third (which is none of your business) and so don’t like the first (which is entirely sexually innocent, but often homophobes find the heterosexual kids cute but the homo and bi kids far too advanced, loosing their innocence too early, inappropriately sexual isles, etc.).

My 7 year old DD left school the other week and announced she was gay . I asked her what the word meant and she didn’t even really know, she’d just heard it in the playground. Cue a long conversation about homosexuality and how she won’t really fully know for quite a few years.

@vikkimoog I presume you only have toddlers, or are blind to your older children! Do you actually know when puberty starts? Hormonally, it’s quite a long time before you start to see the obvious outward physical signs.

Maybe, just maybe we should be encouraging our kids to just be themselves rather than endorsing them attaching labels to themselves when they probably don’t have a fully developed concept of what the label is or whether they actually fit into that pigeon hole. We should be encouraging kids to be confident in their individuality rather than trying to fit themselves into a box.

Very normal I'd say, they just know the correct terminology now!

When I was around that age I developed an intense crush on another girl in my ballet school. I never even spoke to her, I just thought she was so beautiful and my heart would race when I saw her. I puzzled for a long time over whether I was a lesbian, but I was confused because I also liked boys. If I had known the phrase bisexual I would have definitely thought that's what I was!

That does sound like quite serious talk with more technical terms than my daughter of a similar age would use.

Having said that my 6yo has told me she wants to marry a girl and she seems so serious I think she might already know!

So I think you can of course know your sexuality at that age but the level of discussion there sounds like it’s been influenced.

At 10 I definitely knew I fancied boys for quite a while, I’d had crushes from much younger. So if the girl has crushes on both genders she’s probably very aware of it - nothing sinister.

My DS10 has known the meaning of those words for several years now - he asked, I explained. Currently reckons he’s asexual as romance is ‘gross’, I’m sure that’ll change drastically when he gets older lol

I knew I was heterosexual from about the age of 4 (although I couldn't articulate it then). Not that I wanted to do anything with anyone at that age - or at 10 - but I def had feelings towards certain boys that I never had with girls. Given that a group of us almost came to blows about who got to partner a certain Glen X in country dancing, I dont think I was the only one either.

Anyway, although I dont think the girl in question should be held to it, I dont think it's that unlikely that she knows who she has feelings for at 10.

ellissandra I have 3 children, the youngest is 8 and the oldest is 14.
Yes, i do know about puberty thank you and when it starts.
And no, I'm not blind to my oldest child.

I think I had my first crush about 6, so I did know. My issue is that it’s so bloody everywhere now. A crush is a crush, we all had them and we all knew what they were, but as far as sexuality goes it’s something for much older.

And yes, I am acutely aware of the lack of knowledge/information/acceptance of homosexuality and bisexuality in the past. I grew up under section 28, and the homophobia in my school, community and family was what resulted in me marrying a man, even though I knew it wasn’t right. I just think we need a happy medium. Everything is sexualised from so young now and it’s not healthy. It would be far better imo if we just told kids they could go out with who they like, with the usual caveats of course, and let them get on with discovering themselves without porn and rainbows and t-shirt’s with wildly inappropriate slogans on.

My DS is 12. He’s more than aware of lesbians and gays and probably bisexuality, I haven’t asked, his mother is a lesbian after all, but he doesn’t seem particularly interested in girls yet, and I think he’ll be straight, but I don’t mither him about it. He knows he can come and talk to me about anything so I’ve just left him alone to come to things in his own time. All his mates are getting boyfriends and girlfriends but he’s said he’s not fussed yet so that’s fine.

I know some schools make a massive deal about lBGTQWERTY+++ which for me is massively over compensating. His primary and secondary seem to just take an approach of being accepting of people without making a big fuss and I think that’s about right. The friends he went to primary school with all know his mum is a lesbian and nobody has ever batted an eyelid, which is how it should be.

I'm sure I knew I was straight by the age of 10 so I don't see why someone else can't know they're gay/bi. That said young kids are often confused by feelings and can mistake friendships for more. Most 10 year olds do know what bisexual and gay means (which is good obviously) and lots of particularly girls get very interested in dating/boyfriends by Y6 none of this sounds particularly worrying in and of itself.

Also sexuality is about more than sex. When I was ten I had crushes on boys and I assume a gay or bi 10 year old girl might have crushes on girls and/or boys so you would be aware of your sexuality. That doesn't mean anything actually sexual is happening. It's not sexualising children for them to be aware of their feelings and have names for it. If you wouldn't be concerned by a girl having a crush on a boy why would you be concerned if she has a crush on another girl. The former may end up being gay and the latter straight that's fine. Announcing your sexuality doesn't commit you to never changing your mind.

Ywbu to flag it as a concern if there are no inappropriate behaviours. Children are more aware of relationships at that age. Back in the day it would probably just been open crushes on the opposite sex and now we know that relationships and sexuality is much more diverse than that.

My dd is nearly 10 and is aware of gay relationships at least. She has had crushes but she is completely turned off by the idea of relationships straight or otherwise. The idea of kissing revolts her and she has never wanted a bf even if boys she is good friends with have asked her. Not that it means much at that age imo but it gives me an inclination of what she might be like in the future but, I don't pay much heed to it as it could all change.

Best thing to do with these things is not make a big deal out of it and make sure they are informed on what different sexualities mean.

I think it’s odd.

I have all boys. We talk about whether they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, either is fine, but we haven’t attached the label of gay/bi/straight to any of it.

It’s the announcing of the sexuality (to borrow a phrase) that is odd, but I admit this might be because I don’t know any children who would phrase it like that.

I think it’s totally fine for them to say it, and they may well have an idea what sex they’re attracted to, or if it’s both, fine.

I wouldn’t take it too seriously at this age because many won’t know and will “change their mind” / realise how they actually feel later on, so it would be bad if they felt foolish about this because adults had latched on to “x is gay” early on.

With kids it’s always best just to listen I think.

There is alot of this sort of talk at the moment with dd and her friends (age 9) as they have just had all of their sex education lessons . My dd came home the other day talking about pansexuality, not something I would have had a clue about at age 9. I think it's too young but certainly dont think it a cause for concern that she is talking about it or knows the word - it's led by the school syllabus

I think its normal