Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be embarrassed and not have friends over?

161 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 26/02/2020 19:58

We have been in our house a while but we haven't had the money to decorate. I would really like to have my friends over but I'm too embarrassed.
There aren't any skirting boards, the people who lived here before started painting and made a mess (paint on the ceiling, banister around the window).
It's not homely, we don't have a rug, pictures on the wall, the curtains we have don't match the cushions. We have nice sofas and that's it really.
Honestly hand on heart when you go to a friend's house do you think about their home after? Would you judge me? Or AIBU and they won't care?

OP posts:
Rtruth · 27/02/2020 18:01

For me, I wouldn’t care too much, but I’d be offering my help to decorate if you needed it.

We moved in just over a year ago to our place. We have two rooms not decorated yet, but have made them homely.

The lounge we did first and our bedroom. DD liked the pink in hers and because she’s the pretty messy we got new carpet and put up pictures from old house.

Does it all match?? No, but it’s homely!

We held paint party and gutted our bedroom, friends came over and help decorate whilst we supplied drinks and a take away.

3 months in, we had done most rooms to homely standard and paid little as went for 3 for 2 paint deals to make saving.

But it’s a project and as long as you have plans to make it homely then I’m sure there would be no judgement

VeeJayBee · 27/02/2020 18:03

We’ve been in our house six years this year and are only just finishing it. It’s been a ‘work in progress’ for years and it’s nothing to be embarrassed over. I think friends are friends and if they’re judging you that’s more in them than you. We didn’t have the money so did it slowly but surely as we saved for each room. It’s to be applauded, not embarrassed by, that you’ve not run in to loads of debt buying stuff you can’t afford! Good on you and flaunt it, don’t hide it!

ssd · 27/02/2020 18:03

I don't have friends over as my settee is awful so old and knackered. My living room is squashed and dated. I know people say it shouldnt matter but it does.. All my friends have spare money to spend on their homes and we don't.
So I don't want people over as I'd be too embarrassed.

BlueHarry · 27/02/2020 18:04

I genuinely wouldn't care or think anything of it. If it was me, I'd make sure it was clean and tidy and I'd probably tell my friends that I hadn't got round to decorating it yet and leave it at that.

BlueHarry · 27/02/2020 18:05

Stuff like curtains not matching cushions I wouldn't notice in a million years.

Trudij123 · 27/02/2020 18:15

My friend knows I worry about it but hardly ever get tidy as her house is - her response? “ I come to see you, not your house” every time. Real friends don’t care.

SlipperyLizard · 27/02/2020 18:37

I love going to people’s houses when they’ve got no carpet in the hallway/half finished decorating - makes me feel better about the state of our place! We are gradually finishing ours, but there’s soooo much to do.

Most people don’t live in show homes, and anyone who would judge you for the decorative state of your house aren’t worth having round.

ohtheholidays · 27/02/2020 18:38

When you can afford to OP I can't recommend charity shops enough,we have a coffee table,a sideboard(all solid wood)a tv unit and a lovely large bookcase all from charity shops and none of them cost us over £20 each.

We've also got some amazing framed pictures from charity shops,one is by a known artist and is signed,I bought it because I loved it,I had no idea when I bought it and it has pride of place in our home,alot of the vases and vintage style ornaments we have in our house are from charity shops as well,all in pristine condition and cost us less than a 10th of what they would have cost us to buy new.

If you have any near you B&M,The Range,Ikea and Dunelm are all really good as well for lighting,vases,plants,mirrors,curtains and cushions.

To answer your question like PP's I wouldn't judge your home but I do understand your worry I went through the same in the past and some friends turned up unexpectedly and didn't bat an eyelid they were just happy to see my new home,I was just happy I'd done some baking,we spent most of the day eating cakes,drinking wine and having a laugh.

StrawberrySquash · 27/02/2020 18:59

Have people over. Enjoy their company. Also when the day comes when you have painted it's much more interesting if you've seen the place before. Otherwise you probably don't even register the colour of the walls.

Rawmum30 · 27/02/2020 19:11

True friends will support you & NOT judge you. Those that do judge says more about them than you. You will get to know who of your friends are not worth valuing & are unworthy of your welcome, your hospitality & generosity of spirit.
Pp suggest a fun decorating party... sound like a good answer. It gets all involved in a fun & suppotive way... also photos of before & after... the mishaps & general silliness with strengthen growing bonds.
Go for it & wishing you, you lovely girl, a great outcome 💐
xx

Harls1969 · 27/02/2020 19:30

If you just mentioned it at point of invitation "We've not done anything to the house yet." you'll probably feel better but if they're friends, they'll not be bothered. They'll be there to see you and they'll be able to spot the potential of your new home (might even give suggestions and offers of help). And at least you won't have to worry about anyone spilling red wine on new carpets!

purplepentagram · 27/02/2020 20:03

I’d always had a the doors always open and the kettles on, always welcome rule. Even tho my house is a wreak. Always went out of my way to make people welcome. My Bathroom, kitchen gets cleaned, vac and mop most days but yeah you will find quite a bit of dust and some residential spider webs. But due to health I’m limited on how much I can get done. It got to a point where I refused point blank to let anyone visit because I thought it was because of the mess the house is in. Turns out it’s actually me that people don’t like ( I’m autistic and very black and white, no filter ) now I have no visitors, no friends.

EC22 · 27/02/2020 20:06

My real friends wouldn’t give a shit n I’d have them over in a heartbeat.

Jack80 · 27/02/2020 20:07

If your my friend I would come to see you not your house

Original poster
Pinkwithwhite · 27/02/2020 20:15

Some really good ideas thank you. And you have all put my mind at ease. Part of my problem is I can't commit to a colour or style or anything really. Terrible at making decisions too🤦. I'm on maternity leave so we don't have any extra money to decorate. But going to see what I can do

OP posts:
Purplepenguins · 27/02/2020 20:16

Hard one I know because if I was visiting I wouldn't judge someone but I don't have people round because I can't afford to decorate and repair the damage done by my son. He is 8 and has Autism. He is seriously destructive.

Original poster
Pinkwithwhite · 27/02/2020 21:19

I'm definitely going to look on the free sights. I've read every single comment, thank you. I just want to fill the online shopping basket and put it all on my credit card. I won't though.

OP posts:
NoImNotEntertained · 27/02/2020 21:33

One of the nicest weekends I ever had was at an old farmhouse that had been flooded and they hadn't been able to refurbish properly. The floors were still concrete, the sofa had sponge sticking out of the arms and they had odd charity shop chairs around the kitchen table.

I couldn't tell you what colour the walls were or whether they had nice curtains, honestly it didn't matter.

We had a blast and I felt so welcome and SOO relaxed I've never forgotten it. Smile

MazDazzle · 27/02/2020 21:40

I love getting invited round to someone’s house. It’s a kind and caring thing to want to
host others. I couldn’t care less what it looks like. Never in my life have I been appalled by what I’ve seen.

I’m embarrassed by my house though and get stressed at the idea of people coming round. I’m untidy and nothing is ever quite finished. We’ve lived here 10 years and are probably half way through decorating. I’m not a house proud person at all. Wish I was!

Sweetbabycheezits · 27/02/2020 22:00

Nah, my friends and I wouldn't give a toss. We all seem to be cluttered as a result of kids, renovations, whatever. As long as kitchen and bathroom are hygienic and there is plenty of tea/coffee/wine and good company, it's all good!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/02/2020 00:11

It wouldn't alter my opinion of the person but I would notice and wonder why.

CSIblonde · 28/02/2020 00:36

Wouldn't bother me at all unless it smelt etc. Just say you're mid decorating & updating. If it still really bothers you & you're on a budget get rid of the paint splashes & get a £10 can of white paint: Wickes paint matched Dulux's Timeless white for me so it was a tenner & its a warm, soft white that sets off any colour accent . Also wish.com have masses of scandi art type wall pictures (just like the decor in You Tube 'my posh flat' tours) for £3 each & trendy cushion covers for £1.

Ippydippyskyblue · 28/02/2020 02:12

Real friends should come to see you and not to come and judge your property. If they are judgemental, then I wouldn’t count them as true friends. Most people don’t judge people’s houses in my experience.

If your friends have children, I used to spread a clean old duvet cover/ sheet on the floor, which was perfectly fine. Plus it was quick to shake out the biscuit crumbs and wash. I also used to use plain wallpaper in long strips, taped together with bits of sellotape, then give the children some crayons so that they could draw what they’re sat on too.

If you’re short of money to decorate or get anything, have you thought of looking on freecycle, gumtree and any other local FB groups for free things? Or put a post up yourself? You’ve got everything to gain... I've given away lots of really good quality stuff as I don’t have the time to advertise it. I’ve given away cans of paint, wallpaper, curtains, mirrors, pictures, rugs, light shades, furniture, you name it.....

Go for it! Grin

Flusteredcustard · 28/02/2020 19:13

I accidentally clicked the wrong button sorry. As long as I didn't get typhoid or fleas I'd not be at all bothered
If you paint your walls you can easily change your mind, and with a little one you can easily touch up
Look to see if you have a community repaint place near you. It is donated paint, all good quality, just surplus to requirements. It is really cheap. I've not done the painting yet but I got a gorgeous pair of great quality curtains with some matching cushions love the colour and pattern, so I decided to get a colour to match. I don't know if you like curtains or would prefer blinds , but choose a colour and you can plan round that. I have some pale pink for my bedroom as I wanted something pretty and when I do hall and stairs it will be pale mauve, it will make the house look so much lighter. I'm not going for fashionable colours that will date, I'm going for colours I like They sell undercoat too. I got a tin of paint for the garage door too, hadn't been sure what colour to repaint that, but saw the cheap tin of Dulux exterior paint in a lighter colour than current colour, and thought that would look good. All I need now is time to prepare for painting and time to actually do it
I have got some good stuff off freecycle, charity shops and off local marketplace. Even if eventually you plan to buy new stuff cheap or free stuff will give you an idea of what you really want/need, better to discover that a sofa that size is far too big/small if you paid £0 or £25 for it than if you paid ££££ for it. I plan to eventually paint some dated furniture, nothing wrong with it but it is a bit worn, with some chalk paint it should look really good.

No offence to anyone who loves it but I've let the grey fashion pass me by, it reminds me too much of offices and factories I've worked in.
Do any of your friends enjoy interior design? maybe invite them over for some ideas!

Original poster
Pinkwithwhite · 28/02/2020 21:21

I just checked and yes we have a community repaint place! Going to head there tomorrow, I've seen a few things in gumtree and I'm waiting to hear back. I don't have Facebook but feel like I should as lots of people talk about the selling pages on there. Thank you all so much 😘

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread