AIBU to be embarrassed and not have friends over?

[Pinkwithwhite]

We have been in our house a while but we haven't had the money to decorate. I would really like to have my friends over but I'm too embarrassed.
There aren't any skirting boards, the people who lived here before started painting and made a mess (paint on the ceiling, banister around the window).
It's not homely, we don't have a rug, pictures on the wall, the curtains we have don't match the cushions. We have nice sofas and that's it really.
Honestly hand on heart when you go to a friend's house do you think about their home after? Would you judge me? Or AIBU and they won't care?

For those that think I should be embarrassed can you say why? And what you might be thinking?
I do look at things in other people's homes but I notice the this that are nice not the things that aren't. But I do know lots of people that look for the opposite.
I'm looking on IKEA and Asda now 👍. We also have the smallest house, shitter cars that type of thing. I don't know what the word is for the feeling but i feel a bit "less" than them? Does that make sense?

It's a horrible feeling isn't it :(

A couple of plants and some nice sofa cushions can transform a place imo.

I had a decorating party once. Friends came over and brought snacks and a couple brought plants and a couple of bits for the house. I provided drinks and paint etc and they helped me decorate.

It was great fun and I reciprocated by helping another friend with her decorating a few months later.

People are more interested in how welcome they feel in your home, not the decor.

I’d only judge if it was so dirty you’d need a hazmat suit to enter. It’s not unusual to move into a house and to not have the money to do it all up immediately, unless your friends are really judgemental snotty bastards, they won’t care.

I wouldn’t worry. We are mid way through renovating- bare plaster in the hallway/ 1970s kitchen/ half painted rooms. I had friends round on Sunday and we sat in the living room and had a picnic! Don’t think they minded at all about the state of the house.

We have the smallest house/income of our friends but we’re the best cooks so I don’t think anyone cares

I’d be there to see you, not your house 💐

I wouldn't care, food, wine, warmth and friends, far more important and nice sofas are the best bit! But I have a friend who demands to be invited round to people's houses purely to judge and then never lets it go if there was something she didn't like, I have a pathological fear of her coming round. You can also get some spectacular bargains on Facebook marketplace, just stick £10 max price in the search thingy and see what comes up.

I am more likely to judge a home on how happy it feels. If it’s clean and you’ve got your comfy sofas and your dh is a good cook then what could be better.

Also on the Wirral there is a place where unwanted paint, tiles, flooring etc is donated and you can buy it really cheap. Perhaps there is something similar near to you.

I’d be there to see you too.

I’ve been too broke to do up my house and my little house was very shabby.

Nobody ever commented and kids lives coming over as I didn’t have anything that I would be worried would be ‘ruined’, so we were quite popular with DC’s friends

Ypersonally I wouldn’t bother at all - it’s the person I care about and I wouldn’t judge. I’m not gonna lie though - some people do judge and will compare it to their own home, but real friends won’t.

I wouldn't care, as long as it was clean, I would be delighted to be invited.

If there’s somewhere to sit and a working kettle I wouldn’t care less!

A friend wanted to do her house up, and we all went around and helped her clear out her house and helped paint and move furniture.

I love helping friends set their houses up.

I can promise you I’ve never noticed whether any house I’ve visited had skirting boards or not!

Personally, I don’t like matchy-matchy, incredibly ‘done up’ houses. I would see it as a positive that your curtains don’t match your cushions.

One of my husband's friends lives on his own and I've never seen such an immaculate, minimalist, perfectly ordered house in my life.

The problem is that it's hard to relax, I was aware of disturbing the cushion arrangement when I sat down and sipping coffee on a white sofa was quite frankly tense.

At least that won't be an issue for your friends

I never notice anything in someone else's house, only if I feel comfortable and warm but when I leave, couldn't tell you what colour scheme they have or fixtures and fittings. Not everyone is like me in that respect, I know others are more observant but, honestly, you've not long moved in so who could expect anything of you?

Whatever you do, never apologise for your home when you have visitors, don't even say, "Please excuse the mess", (I'm sure yours isn't messy), it draws attention to what someone may not even notice and is rather self deprecating. Just be charming and confident. People come to see you, not your home.

Friends don't care, they muck in and offer to come and help paint or whatever when you're ready

Clean up the paint mess around the windows and where you are able, and find out where you can buy skirting boards for a good price and begin one at a time. Have you a dedicated account to save up for paint and stuff? Sounds like you have been there a while since you have had guests for dinner a few times and have visited all your new friends at their homes. I would just casually bring up to them that you can't wait to be able to do the renovations and decorate. People understand usually, unless they are total '.

I’m a part time interior designer and I have a very nice home however my favourite friends house to visit are the ones with a bit of family mess, mismatched furniture and a pile of shoes at the door. The main thing is to have some nice cakes and have your heating on - I hate being cold. Buy a bunch of flowers and light a nice candle. Wouldn’t care at all about bad decor or works-in-progress. I’d much prefer a laid back home to one where you feel you can’t put your cup down anywhere!

My IL’s house in particular is always messy, mismatched and disorganised and occasionally a bit dirty but I still love visiting and it’s the kids absolutely favourite place to be.

Also wanted to add - I have a friend who has never invited me to her house. She been to mine many times though and I think it may be because she feels the way you do, my house is much larger than hers and possibly a bit fancier inside.

However it really upsets me that she’s never invited me and that she thinks I would be in any way bothered or judgemental about the condition/size of her house. I couldn’t care less!

As long as your house is reasonably clean, I really wouldn't worry.

Things that would bother me are if a place is very dog/cat hairy, sticky floors, dirty bathroom, stuff on every seat etc.

Decor doesn't bother me one iota!

I've been in my house 6 years and still haven't decorated the hallway/landing. My living room is a bit of a hotchpotch of what I managed to buy cheap so it definitely isn't colour co-ordinated.

And despite what I said above my house isn't always spotless, but if I have visitors I always make sure that the bathroom is clean, the floors are swept and that the kitchen and living room are tidy.

Goes with the job, though, @ShesGotBetteDavisEyes. A good friend of ours is an award-winning chef whose restaurant regularly features on ‘world’s best’ lists. He says no one ever invites him for dinner (except us).

We judge a friend who thinks her house is a shit hole, it isn’t, she hasn’t entertained in the 9 years we’ve known her. It’s rude to not reciprocate. Nobody cares about the decor, as long as it’s clean ish.