AIBU to be embarrassed and not have friends over?

[Pinkwithwhite]

We have been in our house a while but we haven't had the money to decorate. I would really like to have my friends over but I'm too embarrassed.
There aren't any skirting boards, the people who lived here before started painting and made a mess (paint on the ceiling, banister around the window).
It's not homely, we don't have a rug, pictures on the wall, the curtains we have don't match the cushions. We have nice sofas and that's it really.
Honestly hand on heart when you go to a friend's house do you think about their home after? Would you judge me? Or AIBU and they won't care?

Just seen your update about cars... As long as kitchen and loos are clean and there is no obvious crap on floors... your line and stick to it is ignore ignore... and casually mention how important it is to you to Save Planet rather than Buy Yet More Unnecessary Shit Just to Impress The Neighbours. And of course Great Days Out Having Fun are so much more brilliant than Precious Moppets having the very latest i-Whatever.

Strangely enough I have rather a lot of RL friends who are RL friends because they agree with me about this!

If they don’t see it now - how will they appreciate all the hard work you’re going to put in 🤷‍♀️

A warm welcome from lovely people outweighs fashionable decor any day!

It's all about clean for me too, but by clean I mean reasonably clean, not perfect and mess about would be fine. The dirt I'm talking about is cat shit still on the carpet/bathroom, no hoovering for years, dust bunnies trailing on your clothes when you stand up, house covered in mud from outside (I mean embedded, not the odd bit), hairs and dirt on toilet. I've been in several houses that dirty over the years, and it does put me off going around a bit and I'm pretty messy myself!

The nicest houses to visit are clean(ish), the people are pleased to see you, informal and it's fun. I reckon you can do all of that.

The best parties of my 20s where in my friends mid renovation house (took about 10 years for them to finish it). It was always as clean as possible and tidy apart from building materials/equipment.

We are now all grown up with kids and nice houses, and the crazy parties are a distant memory.

Embrace the chaos OP, you friends won't judge you negatively for our it.

If they're new friends, (so you can't rely on them already having formed a relationship with you where they won't give a damn about appearances), then simply say that the house is back to basics pre-renovations, so they're seeing the 'before' version and it's not that pretty! They'll probably be really interested in what you plan to do, and it'll be a good talking point.

I wouldn't care - I have a couple of friends who are always doing something to their houses. Not just a bit of decorating - full scale walls down, no roof, rubble in the hallway etc. I go to see them, not their house.

I won't give it a second thought. Every month I have a group of friends over for dinner, we sit chat and I cook and we eat. It started as I'd moved to get away from dv and couldn't afford a night out and a babysitter. The house I moved into hadn't been touched for years but they still all came over...no one has ever made a comment about the house.
True friends will care about seeing you and not judging your Decor.

I prefer scruffy hospitality!

like this

Friends won’t judge you on your house but they will - rightly - judge you if you never have them round for a cuppa. Because it is shallow and a little offensive to assume their attitude to you is affected by the state of your house/finances. And maybe they are desperate for a change of scene and would love to come to yours instead of theirs no matter if you have skirting boards or not!

Op, skirting boards are not expensive. mdfskirtingworld.co.uk/skirting-boards/324-mdf-skirting-board/

This thread is actually full of good tips OP.

It might be that the skirting boards go on last though if planning for new carpets, painting walls etc. I only know this because dh is a builder.
I actually don't think I've looked at a skirting board in anyone's house. It's not something your eyes are drawn to.

No. I’d have come to see you, not your house.

I'd not bat an eye. I really wouldn't. Maybe that's a bit tainted by being in London, anyone I know who has managed to buy a place has busted a gut to get on the bottom rung of the ladder so it's par for the course. The rest of us are stuck with whatever the landlord has chosen.

I would be much more concerned if a friend had got themselves up to the eyeballs in debt to make a place look 'nice', or bought all their furniture on the never-never.

If people judge you then they were never real friends to start with.

Well, I do notice things like skirting boards/lack thereof, but only because I had a do-er upper myself, so it's kind of been there, done that. Judgement? Nope. Not for a second. And I wouldn't let on I'd noticed unless they brought it up, just in case they are embarrassed about it.

I'm only there for the tea tbf.

We have partially floored home at the moment, nothing on the stairs, skirting boards off, partly painted walls, very old sofa. My friend said its still homely bless her, anyone who doesn't like it is welcome to never come again (They can get fucked).

I feel like this too. I've been here 4 years and never managed to finish a room. Kitchen had walls knocked down and never rebuilt so it's a mess. Other rooms have been started but never finished. I have good friends round who know me well but I've put off the new mommy friends.

I’d think, “thank god it’s not just me!” And feel a bit more human for it. Honestly, it’d probably make me like you more.

One of my close friends lives in a tip, a pure building site for 20 years. Not a single room is fully decorated. We have great fun every time I go round because I love her to bits. She is a wonderful human. Her house is not a reflection of her values, her morals and her brilliance.

Honestly the only things I judge for is if it's dirty, or if there's no soap to wash my hands with in the toilet.

You can pick up lovely bits for very little if you want little nicknacks to make it feel more homely. You can get rugs on eBay for very little, probably cheaper than IKEA and Asda. I don't know if you have a Primark near you but my friend has recently moved and has lots of nice cushions and bits like candles, and I was amazed when she said they were from Primark!

Generally OP, I think family always judge harder on these things than friends so after reading your update I’m not surprised that you had friends over and they were pleased to see you whilst your family pointed out all the flaws. You just know who gets an invite and who does not!

My house is a state. My garden is a state too 😊 the upside is that you can
I’ve got children, animals a lovely social life and an absorbing job.

My skirting boards would make the devil weep.

(I’m happy to post a pic of horror skirting f it helps)

You can relax without worrying about coasters etc

Dog on my lap!

Genuinely don't care as long as it's clean(ish).

I wouldn't care. The only time I judge is when it's grossly dirty. I have a friend who is a hoarder and I physically get ill in her home. Dust, mold, and endless candles burning.
Not decorated I wouldn't care about.