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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be embarrassed and not have friends over?

161 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 26/02/2020 19:58

We have been in our house a while but we haven't had the money to decorate. I would really like to have my friends over but I'm too embarrassed.
There aren't any skirting boards, the people who lived here before started painting and made a mess (paint on the ceiling, banister around the window).
It's not homely, we don't have a rug, pictures on the wall, the curtains we have don't match the cushions. We have nice sofas and that's it really.
Honestly hand on heart when you go to a friend's house do you think about their home after? Would you judge me? Or AIBU and they won't care?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 26/02/2020 20:23

I wouldn’t think anything at all OP.
I was talking to one of my friends from work and she was on about her living room wallpaper and asked me what I thought. I honestly never noticed it. I don’t have my eyes all round someone’s house when I’m there.

Verbena87 · 26/02/2020 20:23

I am ferociously judgemental if I go to someone’s house and don’t like the person (had this in a job role where I was visiting people at home, and when viewing houses, for example).

I couldn’t give a toss about my friends houses. If I’ve got a clean mug for my tea I’m a happy woman.

igotdemons · 26/02/2020 20:26

I’m in the same predicament OP - whole house needs redecorating throughout, new flooring, doors, even need to replace the staircase, kitchen bathrooms etc. Feels like we’ll never get it done! 😕 So for that reason I never invite anyone over because I’m embarrassed 😳

tootoomuchy · 26/02/2020 20:27

The curtains don't match the cushions? Is that actually an important thing??!

Your house sounds like mine - clean, just not 'fashionable'. If someone want to judge me for that they needn't come again.

goodwinter · 26/02/2020 20:28

YABU totally! Your friends won't care. Our house is half-finished; we had to have expensive damp work after we bought it last year and we're DIYing to put it back together, so it's coming along real slowly. Our friends and family are just happy to be here, and they're always really happy for us when progress has been made from the last time they saw it!

Teacup34 · 26/02/2020 20:29

I no how you feel, we moved in our house end of Dec and we are still trying to make it home so I feel like I don't want anyone to visit we still have boxes waiting to be unpacked!! Our hallway is awful and it's the first thing people see when they come over Blush we have 3 small children so it's a balancing act at the moment. If you do have a bit of money check out the charity shops I have so many beautiful bits from them I would never have been able to afford new. Honestly though if your house is clean and you have tea/ coffee or wine Wink that's all you need!!

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 26/02/2020 20:29

I would love to be invited-maybe position it as "before" and acknowledge that you want to make changes?

I'd love to see it at the beginning of your journey-no one moves in to a perfect house!! Relax and entertain-people love going to a friends house!!

Thinkingabout1t · 26/02/2020 20:33

I pressed yanbu by mistake! I’m sure your friends won’t give a damn, i certainly wouldn’t. You may get some useful decorating tips, and even offers of help. Honestly OP, just enjoy the visit and relax.

Blahh243 · 26/02/2020 20:34

I couldn't care less what a friend's house looks like. My friends sometimes drop by unannounced for a quick coffee and chat and I do the same at theirs and we don't care about the mess or whatever.

Shamazing · 26/02/2020 20:35

I wouldn't care. If you were my friend I would be there to see you, not your house. Smile

MumW · 26/02/2020 20:35

Invite them over with a breezy "you'll have to excuse the house, it's a work in progress" and think nothing more about it.

porple · 26/02/2020 20:36

if it’s my friend I wouldn’t care about their house at all. i have a council flat and when i moved in there weren’t even carpets or anything. my friends couldn’t care less lol

badg3r · 26/02/2020 20:37

I wouldn't care at all about these things! If it bothers you get a cheap rug from ikea for the living room (presuming it isn't carpeted - if it is I wouldn't bother), and if you have some pictures to hang then stick them up. But honestly they come to see you not the house, and you could even get some advice on colours for walls etc! Especially if their houses are nice, they might have some good tips! I vote them soon or it will become a bigger and bigger deal. Oh and if your DH is also good at desserts/baking, get him to make something for when they arrive!

copperoliver · 26/02/2020 20:37

Genuine friends don't judge. X

MumW · 26/02/2020 20:37

I pressed yanbu by mistake! You can change your mimd by selecting the opposite button.

Iflyaway · 26/02/2020 20:39

Skirting boards??

I wouldn't even notice... not there for an ideal home exhibition..

Would just be happy to be invited, and see my friend...

7dayslater · 26/02/2020 20:39

My mum is the sort of person who couldn't care less. I wish I was like her in that way.

My house permanently looks like a children's car boot sale - toys & books everywhere. We live in a tiny cottage with very little storage space, I tidy everyday & it is clean but it always looks so cluttered I never invite people over. Blush

user1470132907 · 26/02/2020 20:40

I only judge the homes of people I don’t like Wink. In all seriousness, the thing that bothers me is cleanliness (as in no hoovering or cleaning the loo for months, not a bit of dust). Decoration and DIY in progress doesn’t register with me

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 26/02/2020 20:41

Nah, try not to be embarrassed. My sister always says when I apologise for the mess "I came to see you, not the house.......and your house is fine."
My mum says "it's looks lived in." I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not coming from her lol

I can empathise with you though.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 26/02/2020 20:51

It's a work in progress, who cares!

I have to admit, I do judge TOWIE-style house, all grey sparkly everything, because I hate that, but you wouldn't know.

Apart from that, as long as your house doesn't stink, I wouldn't even notice. I hate matchy-matchy furniture, who wants to live in the Argos catalogue.

NonStopDisco · 26/02/2020 20:53

Ah, we bought a little doer-upper a few years ago, and it took us ages to get it “modern”. We’ve still got the old curtains up in our bedroom because i just cannot find new ones that are as “blackout”.
But we were so proud of our new house and our little kitchen that we bodged together, and no-one ever said anything when they came round

HaddawayAndShite · 26/02/2020 20:53

Our house is a bit the same. We moved in a couple of years ago, did the living room and one bedroom. We're getting married this year and don't have the money to put into the house at the moment. The hallway is the worst as it had polystyrene tiles on the ceiling and DP ripped them down the minute we moved in as they're a hazard. Our house is clean and (mostly) tidy and if friends judge us for this then they're no friends and can get fucked frankly. If your family are putting you down, stop seeing them. They're arseholes.

TheBouquets · 26/02/2020 20:54

Could you have a decorating party? Years ago as a new home owner one of my friends was skint after buying the house but it needed a lot of work. She was a brilliant cook, so she made a lot of food, invited people over and everyone did what they could to decorate the sitting room and were rewarded with this meal that evening. No-one complained about the state of the house, everyone got stuck in and by the time the food was ready she had a decorated sitting room. Painted and carpeted and someone made curtains.
It was a good day remembered with love and happy thoughts

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 26/02/2020 20:55

A true friend wouldn't give a shit what your house looks like!

Ilovemycatssomuch · 26/02/2020 20:56

We’re exactly the same. It’s actuslly really getting me down that I can’t even have family round for a takeaway because the house is so terrible.

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