Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be embarrassed and not have friends over?

161 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 26/02/2020 19:58

We have been in our house a while but we haven't had the money to decorate. I would really like to have my friends over but I'm too embarrassed.
There aren't any skirting boards, the people who lived here before started painting and made a mess (paint on the ceiling, banister around the window).
It's not homely, we don't have a rug, pictures on the wall, the curtains we have don't match the cushions. We have nice sofas and that's it really.
Honestly hand on heart when you go to a friend's house do you think about their home after? Would you judge me? Or AIBU and they won't care?

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 26/02/2020 23:59

If they are your friends then presumably you spend time together and chat to each other about your lives Confused so they already know you've bought a house but not been able to decorate yet.

AlunWynsKnee · 27/02/2020 00:15

I'm trying to think of the decor in friends' houses and I'm struggling to think of detail. I would remember dirty (sticky floors, pet shit etc) or neat freak cleanliness and over designed interiors. Everything else is background.

TeeniefaeTroon · 27/02/2020 00:34

I wouldn't care as long as it was clean and smelled nice.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/02/2020 00:44

A friend is coming to see you. Anyone who judges where you live is not a friend.

Grandmi · 27/02/2020 00:53

The only house I cannot bare to go to is my lovely friend who smokes in her house...I hate the smell!! I do occasionally smoke outside with a glass of wine but cannot bare the smell in a house !! The actual decor doesn’t bother me.

caringcarer · 27/02/2020 01:02

I got a very large rug from our local market to go over wooden floor. It was very cheap but looks good and it is surprising the difference it makes. Tell friends you are looking for cheap ways to jazz it up and they might give you some ideas. No true friend will look down on you for not being able to afford or have time or skills to decorate. I sometimes get a bit envious of my sister as bil is very good at DIY and so she never has to ask twice for a job to be done in home whereas my dh is not so good at DIY so avoids it as he worries he will make it worse.

Sobeyondthehills · 27/02/2020 01:48

OP, I have been in my house for over a year, we have no bookcases, or much storage and tbh I don't give a shit, its a nice place.

However we are now in a position where we can start buying bits and pieces.

What I would suggest you do is have a look on free sites for paint. I have just finished decorating my hall and my kitchen and still have a large amount of paint left in each, they are probably not to everyones taste, but I can't bare to waste them, so will give them away

DuploTower · 27/02/2020 01:52

It makes me sad you'd think twice about having people over for this reason, it's probably not as bad as you think. And I'm there to hang out with them. I would never judge someone's home unless it was shockingly filthy, and then I'd wonder if they needed any support I wouldn't think "not going there again" (although I might if it really was awful) But truly OP this doesn't sound like a big deal.

mrsleftie · 27/02/2020 06:57

Real friends don't care.

applepie007 · 27/02/2020 07:49

I would not judge you for the state of your house but for not thinking enough of your friends to invite them over !

Smelborp · 27/02/2020 07:53

I wouldn’t even notice to be honest. It certainly wouldn’t bother me at all. As others said, they want to see you not your house.

xILikeJamx · 27/02/2020 08:50

I guess it depends just how close you are with them and their personalities, but my group of friends have had various 'decorating parties' (for lack of a better phrase) over the years.

It would entail inviting everyone over and providing food and drink for the day/evening in return for a hand with some of the work. It started when I was gutting my whole flat and it had crap wallpaper everywhere so I had a party that everyone had to bring a marker to draw on the walls, then the next day my close friends came back round and helped me strip it all.

Have since done similar days painting others' houses, tidying up gardens, painting fences etc. We're all in a place now where we can just get decorators in but I always enjoyed it - having a few drinks and a laugh with your friends whilst doing something that will have a big positive impact for one of them gives such a feelgood buzz.

flowerstar19 · 27/02/2020 09:03

As a Mum friend with young kids, I wouldn't care and would be relieved! It's stressful having a playdate in an immaculate house with cream carpets and small children especially when potty training!!

Fatasfooook · 27/02/2020 17:28

Real friends won’t care about that superficial stuff

Tableclothing · 27/02/2020 17:31

do you think about their home after?

Only if

A) it's unhygienic. One friend (who I try to avoid visiting) lets her cats on the kitchen work tops, for example

B) they have blocks that spell out platitudes/the bleeding obvious

Lincolnfield · 27/02/2020 17:34

I’ve got three big dogs. If you don’t like dogs, don’t visit! My friends know that my house stinks of dog (probably- I think I’m nose blind) that they’re likely to get love bombed by one or other of the dogs and they’re going to go home brushing dog hair off their clothes.

If they’re real friends, I know they won’t care a bit.

I have one friend who is so house proud (think Mrs Bucket) - she’s lovely but I hate visiting because I’m so afraid of dropping a crumb on her pristine carpet. Seriously I’d never notice anyone’s decor unless it was so spotless and immaculate as to make me uncomfortable.

DanceItOut · 27/02/2020 17:36

Some people who I don't know that well then maybe I notice but people that are good friends I honestly don't notice or care because I'm busy talking to my friend.

Bozlem80 · 27/02/2020 17:44

Why not have a painting party?

Wickedxx · 27/02/2020 17:49

I remember my beautiful mum (passed away 6 years this year) saying to me once 'please that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind'. I still live by this rule. So long as its clean and tidy I'm sure a real friend wouldn't care x i certainly wouldn't xx

Coralblue2 · 27/02/2020 17:49

Aww don't worry about it. Your true and real friends won't be bothered. Like someone suggested look in B&M, wilko, asda, tesco, sainsbury's, anywhere really. Charity shops are great for new and used in good condition stuff. I volunteer in a charity shop and the amount of new stuff that comes in on a daily basis is unreal and unbelievable. Take it one day at a time and buy stuff in the sales as and when you see them, if you like them. Best wishes. Cx

Wickedxx · 27/02/2020 17:50

That should say 'people that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind'

csigeek · 27/02/2020 17:52

YANBU to be embarrassed, that’s just how you feel. I’d feel the same (and have done) .
I wouldn’t judge my friends though, especially if I knew them well enough to know that the decor isn’t to their taste and they’re saving to renovate.
If your friends are a bit judgy then they’re bumholes.

Shell4429 · 27/02/2020 17:53

I know exactly how you feel. I bought a house with my first husband and we didn’t have the money so he tried to do everything himself. Trouble was, he would, for example decide we needed a new stair carpet which we couldn’t afford but he would rip up the old one anyway! We never got to live in a normal house it was always in some state or another. I now can’t bear doing anything in my house because I have a phobia of disruption.

Mumgonenuts2020 · 27/02/2020 17:59

We have lived in our house for six years and have not find anything cosmetically only had radiates put in recently and I still have my curtains and my cushions don’t match my rug or curtains.. as pong as it is not full of clutter minimal is still relaxing.. no one will judge these days everyone is the same boat xxx

Mumgonenuts2020 · 27/02/2020 18:00

We have not done anything only radiators put in 😄😄