To ask how you'd feel living rurally

[TooManySocks]

We need to find a new property, current house is making DH and I depressed. Awful neighbours, druggy neighbourhood, etc.

We can get more for our budget the further out of town we go - basically DH is wanting to move to mid Wales and live the rural life, he grew up in the country, so it's his normal.

But I'm a total townie. And I know the fantasy of a secluded, rural home with chickens in the garden sounds like a wonderful idea, but I'm worried I'll feel isolated and more depressed, DH can't understand how apprehensive I am and thinks it'll be great!

Has anyone made the move from busyish town to rural country house? Any advice?

Don’t do it! You are right to be concerned about being isolated and lonely. Have you got dc? Wales as a whole is sadly quite deprived and suffering from low expectations and aspirations and rubbish funding at many levels. Personally I love wales and would love to live there but we won’t move for all the reasons you are concerned about. Transport links are pretty poor into central wales as well. If you did decide to try it I would strongly suggest either renting your house out and renting in wales for six months or a year first.

I would feel poor. Houses might be cheaper but it costs a fortune to go anywhere, you dont have the choice of shops for food or clothes so have to pay whatever price the local shops set or travel many miles to a large town again costs money in petrol. Not as much choice of education opportunities or jobs etc. No thank you.

i’d feel really isolated

Ouch haggisfish.......dont hold back!!
Its a pretty lovely contry to live in......but then i have low aspirations!!

It’s amazing.
I’d never go back! I have lived in Bristol, London, Milton Keynes, then some semi rural villages in Beds. Now in very rural East Mids. Love it.

Can you give us a little more info op...do you have dc??
Do you have a career?

I know of someone who has done that. Moved from a fairly developed area of Essex to a secluded property on a mountain in Wales. They are now moving back because the property is too far from anywhere and they preferred where they came from.

Don't go from one extreme to the other. To live that rurally you have to drive to get absolutely anywhere. It is possible to get properties on the outskirts of towns or cities, or within an easy commute of them.

I live in a large village about 40 miles north of London. We do have some public transport, though limited and it relies on local authority subsidy a lot. When you are used to it though you can get the bus to the station or the airport, from where you can either get a flight somewhere (of course) or coaches or trains to other towns or in and out of London.

In practical terms, we do still need to drive, but where we live is rather more of a workable compromise that what your DH seems to be proposing.

I have! I moved from the South East to North Devon in November 2018, from a busy town to a farmhouse with the nearest neighbours 200m away, a mile from a little village and 20 mins to the nearest town.

It's very different, not going to lie. I have to drive to get anywhere and can't easily pop out to get food etc and no takeaway places deliver here at all but I've always wanted to live ruraly so I love it.

Positives are that it's so quiet, I look out over fields and valleys. It's really dark and I like that I can see the stars so clearly. The drive to work is beautiful and although still has an element of rush hour traffic when I get to town for 3/4 of my journey I barely see a car.

I think it depends a lot on the type of person you are. I'm an introvert and don't mind just being at home with my husband. I've got a week off soon and plan to spend it sowing a bunch of seeds in my veg plot and staying in. We've got 8 acres so plenty of room for some animals at some point enough to keep me busy. If you're someone that craves company of friends etc then it is more difficult but I work in town and go out after work. A lot also depends on how far you'll be from civilisation, 20 mins isn't a big deal for us but don't think I'd want a longer journey.

I haven't regretted it for a second and apart from missing my friends and family wouldn't change a thing.

Truly rural is not for me. I don’t want to be further than a 10 minute drive from being able to buy milk or bread.

However, I would never live in an urban area by choice again. I like having a big garden, some space between me and my neighbors, and most importantly.

There are areas in between isolation and bustling city.

The pp who suggested renting for a year is very sensible.
I grew up in a very rurally ( think no electricity or mains water) but it was only a 20 mile round trip to a town and the nearby village had a really good community and I didn’t know any different. A small market town or large village might be better and is it a welsh speaking area your DH is proposing moving to?

We live in a rural part of the USA. Here rural can be even more remote than anywhere in the UK. We like the peace and quiet. We see so many stats at night due to no light pollution, don’t hear traffic, etc. That part is wonderful.

But there are practical issues you need to consider. The closest GP to us is 53 miles away, the closest grocery store is 26 miles away. If we went to buy anything that’s not from a supermarket (clothes, furniture, etc) then it’s a 75-mile drive each way. Likewise for the cinema. In the UK I was used to everything being on my doorstep. It was no problem if I forgot to buy milk or bread in the weekly shop because there was Tesco Express around the corner. Now if we forget something we have to manage without. Or make a long trip there and back again. I make our bread now. Much easier. Everything takes longer and costs more. If I order something online that advertises “free 2-day shipping” that suddenly becomes a week once I enter my zip code into the online order. I saw a nice bookcase that I wanted on the Macy’s website. They advertised free shipping. I entered the address and suddenly “free” changed to $280 to deliver a bookcase. No thank you! Satellite internet is very expensive. During a storm we once lost all power and it took 10 days for them to reach us to reconnect us so we have a petrol generator for emergencies. No food delivery companies will come here. At times I get a craving for pizza but you just get over it. There are no taxis that will come to us so if both cars broke down (unlikely you happen but it could) we would be stuck. The nearest hospital is 75 miles away and they would use a helicopter if needed. Touch wood neither of us has needed to go into the hospital since we have lived here and long may that continue.
We are surrounded by wildlife - some cute, some very dangerous. We see bears walking by almost daily although they are hibernating now. We are on the coast and we hear nothing but the waves and whales, seals and dolphins. Occasional coyotes at night on the bluff. It took some getting used to but I wouldn’t change it for the world now.
We don’t have children but we recently took in a dog from a shelter. It’s an ideal place for a dog. So much space for her to run around.

Whats your budget? You could live in a market town like Brecon which is cheap but lovely. All the amenities but safe and pretty?

Oh my goodness I absolutely love living in the back of beyond. Acres of space for the DCs to roam with their friends, peace and quiet, chickens, no traffic noise. I feel physical relief when I get back home from being in town.

I don’t really like other people much though!

Semi rural is the sweet spot. Some houses nearby but rural environs. Urbanicity is bad for mental health. Fact.

Also, if you have children then living very rurally can have definite drawbacks.

As they go through school and into their teenage years they generally want access to things they can do, and to their friends.

Of course, some teenagers might love living in rural isolation. However, in my experience they are the exceptions. Many hate it. You will have to provide a regular free taxi service to them too. It can be very demanding. Two out of our three are not keen on where we live, although only DD1 has moved out so far and she does still love coming back to visit. DD3 is planning her exit. Only DD2 seems less bothered, though she will go eventually.

When we downsize and sell our current house we will be looking to move closer into a decent sized town so that we have more facilities and access to public transport as we get older and want to have the choice about whether or not we have to drive every time.

Britwife that is hardcore!
For contrast, nearest GP and village shop 3 miles, nearest supermarket 10 miles, nearest ikea 100 miles

Can you give us a little more info op...do you have dc?? Do you have a career?

Sorry I should have said! No DC (sadly fertility treatment was unsuccessful) and I work from home, I'm self employed. So I'm home a lot and get cabin fever if I don't get out and about every day, town/shops are a short walk away.

I love the idea of peace, quiet and privacy, but I think in a fantasy-type way, I think I'd struggle with the reality.

I'm quite shy but I love seeing friends for coffee/the odd meal out, very chatty with people, and see my DM every week who lives a few miles away and I also do some volunteering that I enjoy.

Thank you so much for the replies and sharing your experiences, I feel a bit more validated that my concerns are warranted - even if it does work out for lots of people, there are still so many realities to consider.

Did it. Bored out of my fucking mind. Awful with the kids, FA to do, the budget cuts hit rural areas first. Just shit. We're leaving by next year.

Following with interest. We live in London and looking to move to the seaside, but it would be much quieter than here and parts are semi-rural. Have you looked at work opportunities in the new area? Its the main thing I'm concerned about (we don't have kids).

If you a townie (like me) then go for a small market town rather than totally rural . I chose the edge of a village and tbh it is too rural. But I do like not having neighbours.

Britwife that must’ve been such a life-shock for you, do you mind me asking whereabouts you are in general? What do you both do for work? Do you have any neighbours? Sorry just being nosy!

We have ties in north wales and although it has its beauty I could never live there. The shops are terrible, you would have to travel to Chester or Liverpool for a decent shopping trip. The only train out takes 6 hours to Manchester. It can feel very depressing in the winter (I even get a bit down in winter in the busy town with great links we live in now so don’t think I could cope in a rural area). Even after a couple of weeks there in the summer I’m ready to come home.
Also agree about having dc’s - young kids would probably be ok but teens - well mine hate it when we say we’re going there. The schools aren’t great either and the local primary school is constantly being threatened with closure.
I’d definitely only go if your dh agreed to rent for a year first.

I work from home. You need to investigate the cost of internet and phone service as well as reliability. We pay over $300’s month for internet and $230 a month for 2 mobile phones. Those are the only companies we can get service with. And in my job, time is money. Every minute that I am offline during the day costs me money. So far the service has been mostly good.

There are areas in between isolation and bustling city. That's what I'm hoping to convince DH of. I'd love a house with nice garden, he's thinking 5 acres in the middle of nowhere!

@Frenchfancy the idea of no neighbours feels like bliss! Okay great, so I need to focus my search in a market town. I feel better already! I'm glad I wasn't worrying over nothing.

I love the idea of peace, quiet and privacy, but I think in a fantasy-type way, I think I'd struggle with the reality.

Peace and quiet in the countryside, yes. Privacy? Not necessarily! I live in a little village and there are a lot of curtains that twitch!

That said, I love village life. I find it a lot less isolating than living in London. Always chat with the neighbours, the pub locals, the shopkeeper in the village shop. When I lived in London, i found it a lot harder to meet new people or strike up conversations with strangers.

I have the best of both worlds though as I still have good transport links to London and am 10 minutes drive from lots of big high street shops. Is there a happy medium for you?

Move to a village, one with a pub and a shop in walking distance. Get a house that's detached with country views and some ground around you then you won't be bothered by the neighbours.