To ask how you'd feel living rurally

[TooManySocks]

We need to find a new property, current house is making DH and I depressed. Awful neighbours, druggy neighbourhood, etc.

We can get more for our budget the further out of town we go - basically DH is wanting to move to mid Wales and live the rural life, he grew up in the country, so it's his normal.

But I'm a total townie. And I know the fantasy of a secluded, rural home with chickens in the garden sounds like a wonderful idea, but I'm worried I'll feel isolated and more depressed, DH can't understand how apprehensive I am and thinks it'll be great!

Has anyone made the move from busyish town to rural country house? Any advice?

I’d hate everything about it.

I live rurally and also work from home. We have hardly any neighbours. I love it. We have lots of animals, which are very rewarding. However, I am not a trillion miles away from a lovely town, so I have good connections and amenities.

How far would you be from an urban conurbation? Because I think that is key for you.

We did it. We had one child at the time and I was pregnant with number 2. Very rural (also in the US like another poster) 10 miles to nearest town which was so small when we moved there if you blinked you missed it driving though. Bigger when we left but still 10 miles away. No public transport at all, even in the town. School bus for the kids from a raod 1/2 a mile from the house. Pitch black at night, the stars were wonderful to look at. All the houses around were on at least 1 acre of land so well spaced.
Chickens in the garden (a field really) Cows at the bottom of the hill had bells on collars and sounded lovely in the evenings. Horses in all the neighbour properties.
You just have to be organized, we had a large pantry, shopped at costco monthly to stock it, and a freezer of meat and bags of veg. Ate out rarely, no delivery until recently when the local pizza place started to deliver minimum orders.
My friends and the kids friends lived the same way so it was pretty social, we went to each others homes, the kids had friends over and went to their houses. We had a clubhouse about 3 miles away so lots of pool time in summer. I loved it.
I'd do it again here in UK, if we could find the right house, with land.

I thought I would hate it. But I loved it. Felt like I was permanently on holiday. Took ages to get used to banks and shops being shut or miles away but you work a routine. It did mean a bigger commute to work but when I was home I wanted to stay home or walk by the river nearby. I never had the compelling feeling to get away for the weekend as I did from the city. And i loved the city. Go for it. Dont go super rural. Make sure towns are within a 40 min commute and it's completely doable.

I agree with other posters. People are more social as less going on ha.
Yes you need to shop differently and stock up snd always fill your petrol to the brim

I wouldn’t want to. Stayed many times with friends in very rural N Devon - beautiful countryside but a 15 minute drive just for a pint of milk. They even needed the car for walking the dogs anywhere they could let them off the lead - very narrow lanes with steep banks and the odd mad boy racer, sheep everywhere, etc.

Would the edge of a small town or large village be an option, OP? A sister and BiL of mine live in a very nice little Yorkshire Dales town - tucked away and quiet but just a 2 minute walk from the High Street, and a 5 min walk in the other direction from the fells. Best of both worlds. That’d be my choice if I ever had to live in the country.

DP and I grew up in semi-rural market towns and hated it at the time, but after a stint of city living we're wanting to go back to the countryside. No immediate neighbours and a decent amount of land, but still within half an hour's walking distance of a corner shop/train or bus station. Decent broadband is a must and preferably mains gas.

I would not be able to do it. My mental health is poor anyway and this would just make it much worse.

I did it and while it was great for the first couple of years while the kids were little it quickly became tiresome to drive everywhere and now I absolutely hate it and would leave if I could. I grew up in a bit city and miss being able to get about without having to go in the car every fucking time. I hate not being able to go on a night out without driving. I hate the lack of independence my kids have and totally get my oldest running away to uni in a city.
I was in a big city recently and had a proper fantasy of waiting till my youngest is finished school and going to live there for a couple of years. I just want to enjoy living amongst people again

I definitely wouldn't do that,but if you are considering it then rent somewhere first before you take the plunge, try it for a year and make sure that includes a bleak winter.

I have friends who did this and they've got an amazing house, but they spend a fortune on heating it and everything is a faff (think, getting a takeaway, her husband gone for best part of an hour). And it's so muddy, you need one of those boot rooms.

Not for me.

We lived in city, now we live rural

I prefer rural and to just visit the city
We not people people though, enjoy not seeing people

Its quieter, airs cleaner.
Shopping isnt a huge issue, i just shop online way more as local options dont suit

I moved from a city to about 30 miles north of it (45/50 minute) drive to a small village without about 50 houses , I wake up with a beautiful view every morning and I love it. It's peaceful , the nearest town is 15 minutes and I drive there most days for shopping, kids activities, work etc it doesn't bother me at all.

The only thing that's changed really is miles per year on car we now do about 20,000

Absolutely hate driving around the city when we go in now and we always say how much we couldn't stick living there again now we are older and have kids

We are 40 with a 3/5 year old

Absolutely love country life and have no regrets what so ever

I would hate to live rurally, way to isolating for me.

What geographical circumfrance are you limited to or could you move anywhere?

What is your budget?

No experience of living rurally but I have felt like your DH and given the overwhelming scumminess of our area felt the only option to escape and not end up in a similar situation was to live in the middle of nowhere. Which I still think I'd enjoy however on reflection I know I'd want and need to be near shops, public transport etc, at least whilst I'm working age.
It's easy to get carried away with the rural living idea as if it would be one long holiday, or like his childhood, but I expect when he actually thinks about it, it might just be a knee jerk reaction to the situation you're in. My DP wasn't keen at all at our age (early thirties) so our compromise is that we will move to a nicer area with a bigger garden then revisit really rural living when we've retired.

OP, your husband is a hermit you say so he will love it. Fine.

He's actually far easier to accommodate than you.
He can choose to not socialise wherever he is.

You like to socialise and believe me when that is whipped away from you AND you work from home it is very easy to feel very resentful.

I wouldn't entertain the middle of nowhere.
Not for a minute.
Take your time and look at somewhere a little further out than you are BUT convenient to the life you are living now.

Never underestimate the value of convenience and social interaction if your partner is hermit like.

Very easily they can impose their choices on you.
Renting is a good idea.
I would op for the best location rather than property.
Proceed with care.

A colleague of my husbands was persuaded 10 years ago to buy the very isolated house on land.
She's never out of her car and her children loathe it.
They won't get back the huge amount they have invested. Her husband works from home happily as SHE gets her children to school and college.
From what my husband has told me she is hugely resentful that she acquiesced to his dream.
Their house is gorgeous but she doesn't care as she is on the road so much and has absolutely NO social life herself.
I appreciate you don't have children and would respectfully suggest that it is even more important that you maintain your friendship circle.

I grew up in Wales - in a South Wales town and moved to London at 18 to train as a nurse. I met and married a policeman while living there who was also Welsh. We lived in happily in central London for several years and then he got a transfer to a Welsh force and we ended up living in a very rural area. There were a lot of things we missed but a lot of things we didn't!!! Ended up living in a few areas - my preference now would be semi-rural, walking distance to shop and pub is essential.
Consider what distance you would want to be from / GP/hospital/dentist/ mainline railway station/airport/ shopping centre/theatre/ swimming pool/ library etc That will help you pinpoint towns that will meet your needs. It's not just the facilities in the local town you need to consider, it's the travel time to hospitals etc.

If you are in the middle of nowhere DH will be alone quite often as you drive the distance to join the exercise/ sewing etc class an hour's drive away.

Thanks everyone. It's confirmed my realistic concerns, and that DH would find it great but I think I wouldn't. I don't have a huge social life but I would feel more isolated without it, I already feel a bit lonely sometimes as DH doesn't like going out much, he's happy being home.

Budget is 475k, area wise, I was thinking Shropshire, (rather than rural Wales!) as we can't afford anything much where we are now (West Mids) and Shropshire seems nice?

I grew up in villages in rural Norfolk during the 70's and 80's when there was probably even less transport and facilities. I never remember feeling bored and there always seemed to be something going on and as a kid there was always stacks of outside to play in. Living with my parents was like reliving 'Dig for Britain' as we used to have a massive garden with chickens and all, my dad used to go on the shoots locally and there was always veg/fruit picking to do. We weren't far from sea so that was always there as an option and we had guides and brownies and other stuff, we were always out on bikes etc.

Fast forward to today, live in a city in Midlands. Hate it sooooo much. Dirty, loads of flytipping, we have rats visible in daytime, the smell in summer is so bad you cannot have windows open, you cannot use the garden. The nearest safe parks are at least 20 mins walk or a bus ride away. Drugs and anti-social behaviour are a daily thing. You have to check anything you pick up in a shop in case it's already been opened and 'sampled', the local Tesco staff don't stay as they've been threatened with knives. You have to check the freezers in the shop as used tampons have been left on the floor and people regularly defecate on the shop floor too.

Yes we are in close proximity to facilities but it's amazing how many of them you give up using due to the behaviour of others. We are now considering a move to a very rural part of DH home country because we cannot be doing with people anymore. We've become introverts here but not through choice.

Correction the used tampons have been left 'inside' the freezers/fridges!

I think we must live in the same place, @sportinguista !

I wouldn’t move out of city not even to a village with a pub or small market town. You would be unhappy, it will reduce your opportunities and isolate you.
We were house hunting actively for over 2 years, I was completely exhausted tbh, but it was worth it. We are on different side of the city then we planned initially and in a bit of smaller house but in a good family friendly low crime area with regular buses to the city centre, local shops and GP surgery in 5 minutes walk. We could have perfect house moving out to a village but I wouldn’t risk it.
By the way, ask your DH who will look after these acres, ask him for a detailed plan. My DH wanted a piece of land at the very beginning but I made it absolutely clear that I would do nothing with it and I wouldn’t move in until it securely fenced all over. Turned out he’s not so keen on having acres. We have good garden for a city but not very big, average for the area, it’s fine.

Don’t do it! I’ve just escaped the country and the relief is overwhelming. I was so so lonely and didn’t fit in. There was nothing there and any activity needed driving too, there was no public transport and taxis prohibitively expensive. A night out needed a hotel or a two hour drive back. Most people were born and bred there so I was like a fish out of water. The country is nice for a holiday but not for townies to live in.

With that budget you could move to a nice city in Scotland 😊