To ask how you'd feel living rurally

[TooManySocks]

We need to find a new property, current house is making DH and I depressed. Awful neighbours, druggy neighbourhood, etc.

We can get more for our budget the further out of town we go - basically DH is wanting to move to mid Wales and live the rural life, he grew up in the country, so it's his normal.

But I'm a total townie. And I know the fantasy of a secluded, rural home with chickens in the garden sounds like a wonderful idea, but I'm worried I'll feel isolated and more depressed, DH can't understand how apprehensive I am and thinks it'll be great!

Has anyone made the move from busyish town to rural country house? Any advice?

I can give personal experience.

Total townie, H from a tiny village (where we currently live) in the highlands. There are pros and cons but I think you could be right regarding the depression as I've found that to be my personal experience. You do feel isolated. I don't drive (learning though!) which is even worse. About an hour away from any big supermarket (just have the one shop here which is extortionate). However, the views are lovely and the air is so fresh. Much less of a chance of my kids getting abducted than where I'm from. Tiny crime rate here generally, absolutely nothing like murders or stabbing etc. Everyone knows everyone which can drive you mad as they know things or assume things about you, things that you never knew they could know. They know if you breathe. I generally prefer it when I have kids as I feel like they're safer here (I panic a lot about that) however they sound very different to me (I don't mind but some people would?). Property/rent is a lot cheaper. Job opportunities are limited unless you can do a considerable commute and even then, it could be hard. That's my main grievance with living here, absolutely no jobs. Would I do it again if I could go back? Probably, but I'd learn how to drive ASAP so that I could commute to a decent-ish job. HTH.

Exactly how @Bunnybigears put it tbh. Except there are pros too, as listed above.

Surely theres a compromise? A pretty village or small town with some shops and a cafe? Somewhere not too far out?
Also there are huge spiders in rural places which is a massive and real downside for me! Something to consider if you're an arachnophobe.

We moved from near Birmingham to North Devon 10 years ago. We live in a town about 3 miles from the sea. It’s perfect for us. H only uses the car to get to work generally, we are able to walk pretty much everywhere we want to go.

I have the best social life I have ever had 🙂 made loads of friends. Really glad we moved here and really glad we didn’t go for one of the isolated pretty villages as we wouldn’t have stopped.

I'd love it. I absolutely know it. It's my dream but DH doesn't want to.

Good god @TooManySocks I thought it only happened to us, maybe it has become more widespread than I thought!

I would think twice about moving to Wales TBH. Some of the larger towns and suburbs are good (DS at Uni there so many happy hours spent taking in Cardiff and surrounding areas) However in the valleys there is a lot of rural poverty and many welsh speakers .Also the rain is unremitting! I think it is difficult to "settle" there TBH .DBs friends have moved to a Rural setting and absolutley hate it! Why not look for something like the suburbs /small towns ?

I’d hate it, DH would love it. If I had the money I’d live in a flat in central london

Another thing you mentioned is that where you live now you can see your mum once a week. I would be sad to move far away from close family who I see often and as your mum gets older you might want to be seeing her more often if she needs help and making sure she is cared for If she needs it.

Also selling will be more difficult if you’re rurally/remote.

Whereabouts in the W. Mids are you that £475K doesn't get you a nice place?! We are same area - it is very soggy here at the moment, choose your non-floodable house carefully! - and that budget would buy something lovely in any of the small towns, villages or small cities here. Depending on what you want, I guess, but definitely not a tiny budget.

I absolutely love being on my own for an evening or day or two at a time. It makes me genuinely happy/almost excited.

But the idea of remote, rural living scares me to death! I feel creeped out by country lanes with no one on them. Acres of wheat rustling in the wind. Rooks and crows cawing and the sound from distant chainsaws ... honestly, the perfect setting for a terrifying horror movie!

There's a reason country house prices are lower ... they are appealing to fewer people.

It’s awful. Beautiful but awful.

Transport links, health care, easy casual socialising, access to bookshops and cafes and takeaways and the cinema - all dreadful..

A small town near a larger one with good transport would be a better option, and definitely rent for a year before permanently settling. You don’t know a rural environment until you’ve spent the winter there. It can get pretty hair-raising if you’re cut off by snow or flood water on poor roads.

@ChicChicChicChiclana your post has reminded me of how terrified I was of night time out in the country... 😂

My husband would like that but he doesn’t like people and enjoys driving. However, he is having trouble with his eyesight so it wouldn’t work in the long-term.

I, on the other hand, would struggle. I love being able to just walk where I need to go instead of needing a car to get there. That’s what I did growing up and I want our children to have that vs being in a car to get everywhere. I also like that we’re in a great transport hub where we can train to three cities. I would prefer to live in a city or at least the outer neighbourhoods.

"Urbanicity is bad for mental health. Fact."

Why do people write such utter bollocks?

MadamePewter I feel far safer in the countryside at night, where we live now I know there are bad things out at night whereas in the country a few foxes etc are not a bother...

The countryside isn't for everyone and it can be tough if you're used to town. Living on the outskirts of a rural town can be a good halfway house with all the pluses of town but access to the countryside and the quiet. Could there be halfway point between having a bit of land at the edge of a Welsh town to keep your DH happy and then you have access to town? I have a friend who lives in a small town in Wales (featured in the "Crown' series) and she seems to have a better social life than me!

Go for a market town. I work from home too and would go bonkers in the middle of nowhere. I grew up in Glasgow, and lived in the city centre when I got my first place. I now live in a village on the outskirts of a decent sized town and I bloody love it. We have a train station 5 minutes away, and are only 15 minutes drive from the town centre. Looking out my window just now, all I can see is farmland. It's the best of both worlds. If you do move, you must get involved with the community to avoid feeling isolated. For me it was easy with kids as the school community/PTA etc gets you involved but you can do it without kids too. You say you volunteer, so find something similar where you move to. Feel free to PM me if you want to know more about where we are specifically (we're very close to the Welsh border).

Your DH may find that life in the countryside is not as he remembers.
I grew up in a rural area, but moved away for uni and then took a job that meant I lived in on the edge of a city for 20 years.

As soon as I was able, I moved back to the rural area and really struggled. Where there were a few amenities in the past (bus, village shop), they have now gone. The people I knew before have moved away and the community has changed beyond recognition. The quiet country roads are too busy and dangerous now to cycle on. Things that took ages that didn't bother me then became a nuisance when I was trying fit them into a busy adult life.

DH may be better holding onto his memories rather than trying to recreate a lifestyle that might not exist any longer.

I've just done it! The only things I miss are my friends and Marks and Spencers!

We are on the edge of a small village though. We are a 5 minute walk to the post office/shop/pub. Anything more we have to drive to. It gets a bit of getting used to, so there is quite a bit of on line shopping going on.

I love it.

I would be so depressed to live rurally, almost like feeling suffocated. I want to be where there are a million things to do, convenience, and somewhere for my ds to be a bit independent.
If you have even a slight hesitation then dont do it, you will regret it.

BritWife That sounds so awful. Why would anyone choose to live like that.

I've been researching for hours! Maybe thinking outskirts of Shrewsbury...

I live in a tiny village with no shops or services, just countryside and a pub. but we are only a few miles from a market town. I love it here but wouldn't want to be any more rural than this

I live in rural Northumberland. I took my job with me and work from home except when I have to be in court (no, I'm not a career criminal). We love it. It's beautiful, quiet, there's tons for the kids to do and our mortgage is tiny (compared to what it was when we lived in London).