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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you'd feel living rurally

134 replies

TooManySocks · 26/02/2020 18:10

We need to find a new property, current house is making DH and I depressed. Awful neighbours, druggy neighbourhood, etc.

We can get more for our budget the further out of town we go - basically DH is wanting to move to mid Wales and live the rural life, he grew up in the country, so it's his normal.

But I'm a total townie. And I know the fantasy of a secluded, rural home with chickens in the garden sounds like a wonderful idea, but I'm worried I'll feel isolated and more depressed, DH can't understand how apprehensive I am and thinks it'll be great!

Has anyone made the move from busyish town to rural country house? Any advice?

OP posts:

Winnipegdreamer · 26/02/2020 20:10

We did it and will never move to a busy town again. Love being able to walk 30 seconds to rolling countryside, and love that we are able to bring our children up here.

Emmapeeler1 · 26/02/2020 20:13

I love Wales, and when I go on holiday there, I often don't want to come back.

But ultimately I couldn't live where there wasn't good public transport. I always think, what if i had to give up driving? Also I need Things to Do!

Haggisfish · 26/02/2020 20:18

I need birds singing, green fields as well-I get those in the countryside I can get to within ten minutes of my house and by opening the door. On one side I have fields and on the other the huge estate we live in-I’m on the edge of a small city and love HS OMG the best of both worlds.

Alsohuman · 26/02/2020 20:19

Llandeilo, OP. We have friends who live a few miles outside it. It’s beautiful and the town is an arts enclave. I’d move there in a heartbeat.

Haggisfish · 26/02/2020 20:19

Love having that should read!

Murinae · 26/02/2020 20:19

I live in South Wales rather than mid Wales on the edge of a town. We have an acre of garden, great views and chickens and only a 10 Minute walk into town and half an hour drive to Cardiff. Best of both worlds. Not far to the seaside either!

GrimSisters · 26/02/2020 20:19

I live in a rural East Midlands village. Only 10 minutes away from a town with a mainline route to London and 20/25 minutes from a city though. Have a brilliant social life here. There's a village pub, which is great and regularly meet up at each other's houses. Thankfully there's a decent bus route, a co-op, proper hairdressers, butchers shop etc in the village too, so not totally isolated.
I grew up properly in the middle of nowhere though and it was utterly miserable. This was our compromise.

BombayTricycleClub · 26/02/2020 20:21

I did it and I love it. In the middle of a field with no neighbours or anyone else for miles. Just me and DD. I'm very happy in my own company which is why it works for me. DD's approaching her teens now and is using the village bus to get into town to meet friends but I anticipate we'll need to move closer to town in the next year or two as she is starting to feel a little left out of social get togethers. I can drive her to most of these for now though.

So, if you're happy to be in your own little bubble and not talk face to face to anyone but your family for potentially days on end - it might be nice while the kids are young.

If you need to be around people and noise for your own energy and mental health - or if you have teens - then I wouldn't recommend countryside/rural living.

Notwiththeseknees · 26/02/2020 20:34

I did it in my late 30's - moved from Islington to Norfolk. We moved to a really lovely, very small village, no shop, no pub, but very sociable. Also, we were within 7 miles of a great small town with good shops and even had a Thai restaurant in a pub a couple of miles away. So we were rural, but not isolated. You could have a dog, two even, chickens (great fun) or even a couple of sheep (not so much fun). I used to love the sound of the blackbirds in the morning, watching deer, cows in the meadows. Our local farmer used to call in for a cup of tea when he was passing...

The downside is : no public transport, could be cut off in winter, must like chopping logs..... can't think of anything else really.

Just make sure you aren't in the arse end of nowhere - you will need to escape back to civilisation on a regular basis!

SanFrancisco49er · 26/02/2020 20:35

I moved from london to rural Glos, nearest shop 20 min drive, could barely see another house. I loved it but reality is winters are dark and long (much more so in the countryside) and you have to be organised with no local amenties and be prepared to drive long distances and buy a lot of petrol!

However quality of life is amazing and it's lovely to really experience the seasons and a more natural way of life.

Monmouthshire is gorgeous, Bristol and Cardiff fairly close, no bridge toll now and relatively reasonable house prices. Best of both worlds (from 20 odd years experience!)

emmathedilemma · 26/02/2020 20:39

I love the countryside for holidays but I'm suburban born and bred and used to being able to walk to places, have facilities on my doorstep etc. I have friends who live in rural areas and they spend half their lives driving places, especially those with kids with activities to go to! We used to get the bus home from school if we stayed late for activities, or walked to places after school (when older) or someone in the street took a car load to swimming lessons and brought the class before kids back etc. but they don't have enough people around to run these sort of options, you can't even go out for a couple of drinks withough major logistics planning and the hope that the taxi you pre booked a week ago will actually turn up!

kikilo · 26/02/2020 20:42

We have just moved from rural Wales to a small town in England. The list of 'must haves' in our new house were...
*Speedy reliable internet, we had useless service.

*Mobile phone signal, we had none for miles around.

*Public transport, we had 3 buses a day, earliest 8.30, latest 3.30 weekdays and none on the weekend.

*Main drainage, we had a septic tank.

*Mains gas, we had bottled for cooking and oil for heating.

*Walking distance to (a) shop, our closest was 9 miles away.

The estate agents thought we were mad when we told them our list. We had previously always lived in towns and to be honest we didn't even THINK about these things before our rural move!

Pipandmum · 26/02/2020 20:43

I'd hate it. Confirmed by a week at a holiday cottage (in Wales as it happens). Those cows in the farm next door were really noisy, we had to get in the car to go anywhere and the local shop closed at 5 with nothing else for a few miles.
I like to be walking distance of shops and restaurants. I like to be able to meet friends for coffee around the corner. I like being able to go to a cinema and museums etc just a bus or tube ride away. I know you don't have kids but I'd want them to be able to go out without me driving them everywhere. I like the sounds of hustle and bustle in a city - it makes me feel part of something. In the countryside it just freaks me out and reminds me I'm on my own!
Could you try a rental for a bit without commiting permanently?

mamansnet · 26/02/2020 20:51

We tried it after I had DC. Hated it and moved back after 2 years. DH loved it but I was utterly miserable.

I'm from Wales and drove from north to south a few days ago. Couldn't live in mid Wales. Its beautiful, but I'd go out of my mind.

I think ultimately you need to know what kind of person you are. I'm very sociable, love meeting random people and chatting to strangers. DH is the opposite and would be quite happy in his own company, not seeing anyone for days at a time. That's why I hated the rural life and he didn't.

Speminalium · 26/02/2020 20:52

We are on the edge of a lovely village, near the sea and two miles outside a glorious little town full of independent shops. It helps if there are really nice centres of civilisation within easy reach, to balance out the ruralness. Upsides, peace, views, no neighbours within a few hundred metres to complain about DS's constant trumpet playing, huge gardens for children and dogs to rampage in, downsides we drive everywhere except beautiful walks, you have to actively seek a social life (no neighbours knocking to welcome us) and power cuts go on for days. Socially there's lots on, we have joined choirs and exercise groups and hit the pub pretty regularly! But I love the feeling of shutting the gates and creating a rural haven for my family, and hope that we can work towards self sufficiency in case the world implodes...

ALadyofLetters · 26/02/2020 20:57

We moved rurally last year and I love it. It is wonderful to be able to sit in the garden on a warm day and not hear other people. No dogs barking, music, BBQs all over the place, screaming children (bar my own). It is worth the 10 minute drive to the shops.

Haggisfish · 26/02/2020 20:58

I like lots of bits of South Wales and think I would move there if I could.

Original poster

TooManySocks · 26/02/2020 21:00

I think ultimately you need to know what kind of person you are. That's such a good point. I'm naturally shy but I do enjoy seeing people, and find it easy to chat, but too much socialising drains me and I do like time to myself to recharge. So I need to socialise, just not a great deal. DH is an absolute hermit!

I think a compromise is needed - semi-rural I think would be okay, as suggested maybe a market town or similar (losing convenience but gaining a better area and nicer house). It's so hard to know where to look, I wish someone could pick for me!

OP posts:

Bombaybunty · 26/02/2020 21:03

My idea of absolute hell.
We moved from central London to the very edge of suburbia, and 10 years later I still miss the buzz of the city.
No public transport, everything closing early. Nightmare.

Craftylittlething · 26/02/2020 21:05

We moved from a very large town to fairly rural wales (large village) I wouldn’t live anywhere that didn’t have a shop within walking distance.
If you’re willing to make the effort to get involved it’s fairly easy to get to know people, we loved the area, beautiful countryside. It was a pain in the bum going to supermarkets, public transport was very expensive nearest train station a 40 minute drive, airport 90 mins.
I’d think about what you need, and look from there and yes for small market towns (with good flood defences)

mindproject · 26/02/2020 21:08

I would feel totally miserable very fast. I love living in the middle of a city as there are always things to go and do - museums, festivals, art exhibitions, theatre, cinema, restaurants, shops, events and friends close by. A walk in the countryside in the rain does absolutely nothing for me, I've never enjoyed it, not as a child and not as an adult. In the summer it might not be so bad, but as we only get about 10 sunny days a year in this country, that would leave a lot of time to be bored crazy at home with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

dudsville · 26/02/2020 21:09

I would do it in a heart beat if i drove. As an introvert who loves the outdoors and detests having to be quiet for the neighbours or feels "seen" when all i want is to do some gardening or reading outside i would just love it.

littleblackdress04 · 26/02/2020 21:14

I’m from rural mid wales - my parents still live there - the health care is properly awful to be honest! Scarily so actually - I wouldn’t go back!!

mindproject · 26/02/2020 21:14

Also, in a small village you are stuck with a very small number of people to be friends with and socialise with. Unless you are the kind of person who can get along with anyone, you are going to find it difficult to meet people you have things in common with. In a city there is always going to be people who share your outlook and interests.

MistyIsland · 26/02/2020 21:16

We live rurally and absolutely love it, no arseholes next door, no neighbors close at all. Peace and quiet.

Takes some getting used to but we could never go back to a town again.

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