To ask how you'd feel living rurally

[TooManySocks]

We need to find a new property, current house is making DH and I depressed. Awful neighbours, druggy neighbourhood, etc.

We can get more for our budget the further out of town we go - basically DH is wanting to move to mid Wales and live the rural life, he grew up in the country, so it's his normal.

But I'm a total townie. And I know the fantasy of a secluded, rural home with chickens in the garden sounds like a wonderful idea, but I'm worried I'll feel isolated and more depressed, DH can't understand how apprehensive I am and thinks it'll be great!

Has anyone made the move from busyish town to rural country house? Any advice?

Not Wales obviously but I moved London to Cornwall. Kept my civil service job work mostly from home. We live in centre of a village, couple of shops, cafe, 2 pubs and a good school. 10 min walk to mainline station. Due to proximity of trainline there are quite a few people here that work part of the week in London/Bristol etc I think that contributes to the lovely mix of characters and events we have in the village, it's definitely the opposite of feeling isolated.

@ShesGotBetteDavisEyes before I moved I came here multiple times to spend time with my now-husband when we were long-distance although that still doesn’t fully prepare you for living here. I work but my husband doesn’t. We live on the west coast. There are some other people here and a few holiday homes. I wouldn’t say they are neighbors, not really close enough for that. We are on the edge of a Native American reservation and there a few people who live on the reservation (actually about 2000 but the reservation is over 300 square miles so it’s not like you see people all the time). I like knowing that nothing is going to be built for miles around as it’s tribal land. It will always be quiet and secluded.

I think trying before you buy is definitely a sensible idea.

We live very rurally in the far, far north of the country. I would never dream of living in a city or even a large town as I love the space and the lifestyle, and where we are has some great aspects - the quality of life is really high, the natural environment is amazing, there is a fairly active jobs market, close community spirit with lots of things to get involved in, great schools, and a really high standard of local services (leisure centres, etc.). Connectivity can be hit and miss but is getting better. And it is very safe, so a great place to raise children.

That said, the standard of living is reflected in the cost of living, which can be much higher than the rest of the country. We also often see people moving up here having seen pretty pictures of what the place is like in the summer, then getting a bit of a shock when winter weather hits and it's dark at 2.30pm! Understanding what you are getting into is also really important - you won't be able to get a plumber at short notice, a health emergency may require a helicopter journey.

I couldn't be dragged to live in a city, so I would say moving rurally is well worth it, but it has to be recognised it's not like living in a picture book, like some expect (also, don't be like one of those - usually English - moneyed people who move to an area and expect to be able to educate the hicks as to how wrong they've been doing everything - we get a lot of those, too!)

You could look at somewhere like builth wells - big town, stuff going on, nice location, and surrounded by countryside.

I grew up in a very rural area and loved it as a child but I now live in London and wouldn't swap it for the world. I couldn't go back to poor transport, long winters feeling isolated and lots of driving to get anywhere. If you work from home you need stimulation from outside to keep yourself sane! As others have suggested, there has to be a half way house to suit you both.

I do live rurally.

I still managed to get saddled for the first few years with a nightmare neighbour.

Also my DH then got a condition out of the blue where he is unable to drive. We spend ££££ on taxis when I am not there to ferry him around. One bus a week is not a transport service.

I thought that I was a townie but have lived rurally for the past 20 years and love it.
Some days the only person that I speak to is the postman.
I can choose whether or not to ‘people’ on my days off by going to the nearest town although usually I choose not to!
As a pp said you do have to be more organised, you can’t pop to the shop if you run out of milk/wine. You travel or do without.
People will know your business and will make up the rest. In the city I didn’t know my neighbours but here the man 4 miles away knows about my life (his version). It’s not in a bad way, he means well!
Maybe try an extended holiday in a place that you both like and would consider living.

Where I grew up was fairly rural, surrounded by fields but on the edge of a village and ten minute drive to market town with a large supermarket. Can also cycle to the nearest shop the next village over. 30 minutes on the bus to the centre of a nearby city. That's perfect for me. I currently live in London zone 2, hate it and can't wait to move home.

Like previous poster said it depends on your personality. I'm generally happy staying at home and pottering in a garden, or having countryside walks. For me I get enough social interaction just at work

I grew up on the country and lived the rural life my entire childhood til I was 24. Occasionally I look back with rose tinted glasses then I remember the boredom and realise just how much my mum and dad ran around for us. I live a stones throw to the city centre now and would take a lot to change that... I'd never live totally rurally again

It is so interesting how different people are. I could not bear to live in a town - I need green fields and birds singing or I go mad!

Moved to very rural mid Wales when the dc were babies (probably not the best time to be fair) but absolutely hated it; I felt bored, lonely, isolated and depressed. Also it rains a lot which doesn't help. Maybe if we'd been in a village or wouldn't have been so bad. I'd never go back to somewhere so isolated.

No way could I go back to the rural idyll. Grew up in a very rural location and it was bloody awful. Bored, inane and difficult to get out of in bad weather. Going anywhere involves cars - shop & pub with irregular opening hours, nothing to sodding do. God the power cuts drove me mad.

On the outskirts of Manchester now and much happier. 2 mins to the countryside - 15 mins to the nearest big hospital.

My DH is deep country, I am a townie.

We have compromised by living in an area close to a town with local train/bus links, but still outside the hustle and bustle and thankfully in a quiet area FOR NOW.

Going total may work for one, but not the other.

I was in your position around 4 years ago OP. I had the same concerns. So my DH and I compromised and chose a village around 9 miles away from the nearest big town and with its own train station. And we love it! There is so much going on here: various clubs (gin, book, supper, garden, walking, cinema, WI), sports and health (Pilates, yoga, ‘80s fitness, reiki, meditation) and then there are all the village fetes and festivals. But I will say that having children attend the local school and nursery has helped us settle in and make friends more easily. Maybe a similar set up would suit you?

Would never ever go back !
But with children you need some practicality depending on age.

If secondary school age then make sure you are on an east reliable bus route if you don't want to me a taxi for years..

Be prepared to teach them to drive as soon as possible.

For toddlers a village with a play park nursery and primary with the house in walking distance is best.

If no kids ... the UK is one of the most beautiful countries on earth..

I had to go to London last week. Only an hour and a half away but it made my skin crawl. Counted the minutes until I could get back to the trees, rivers and sheep..

Btw life in the country doesn't need to be isolated.. we have

Badminton club
Cricket club
Bridge club
Book club
Poetry society
Rock and roll dancing club !
Walking club
WI
Gym and Pool less than 5 miles away.
We know and enjoy time with neighbours .
Bonfire society
Brownies, Guides, Rainbows
A sailing club.
Loads of riding stables.

Far busier here than I ever was in town and see more people too. It's what you make it and how much you want to be involved.

We moved to a rural village nearly 4 years ago and are finally moving to the small town nearby that we were aiming for originally (my hometown). We did exactly what you did - wanted to move to the town and then gradually worked our boundaries out as houses were not for us because of size or budget, etc. It is lovely and spacious but I cannot wait to move to the town. Walking the kids to school, not having to get in the car for every little thing, social life... We did a huge pros and cons list before putting the house up and people think we're mad but it's whatever makes you happy. I was worried about it before we moved to this house (rural) and I was right. You'll get used to some aspects but it'll always niggle.

@BritWifeinUSA Olympic Peninsula by any chance?

I once stayed in a similarly remote area of CT - just 19 miles to the grocery store this time - but no doctor, proper emergency services or anything else. Not even any water when a storm took the power out, as they had an electrically-operated well

You're extremely brave, but as a hopeless, unreconstructed townie I've never been so glad to get out of a place in my entire life!!

My current place feels very rural, large village, surrounded by villages.
If I drive South I can very quickly be lost on tiny roads.
Just near to our house is a motorway junction, within half an hour of that we are on major motorways.
5 mins north of me is a large town, with passable shops and services incl M&S, Debenhams, sports direct, Asda, Tesco extra, and suchlike.

Day to day we are rural, I think nothing of 20 mins to drop a child's friend home, we are surrounded by farmers and tractor shops and village fetes and country shows! Everyone knows everyone, and you need three generations in the graveyard to be local!
But within an hour I can reach 3 major cities.
It's the best of both worlds, Think carefully about transport links.

We’re rural and much more social activity than in the city we moved from. All ages mix together. We have a tiny village but do drinks, pond clearing, fireworks and barbecues for all.
We are in a parish of several small villages (total about 1000 people spread over eight villages), where there is loads of activities including yoga, a tennis league, a choir, five book clubs, fetes etc, bell ringing, safari suppers twice a year, a craft circle, an art group, a men’s dining club, a film club,wine tasting evenings, open pool days, jazz parties in the summer etc.
Loneliness isn’t an issue. Privacy might be.

Think very hard before you do this. Yes, it's beautiful, the air is fresh and the views are amazing, but you will be isolated, possibly snubbed for being English and everything is miles away... for me GP/ nearest (tiny) supermarket is 10 miles, nearest A&E 30 miles. No corner shops other than one minute one any nearer than the supermarket. Nearest shopping town for clothes etc 35 miles. Cinema 25 miles... Take aways don't deliver and they are also 8-10 miles away. You get the picture.
Wifi is DIRE - snail speed and unreliable. I know someone working from home who starts work at 5am to get a couple of hours in before the WiFi becomes useless. Also someone else who got up at 3 am to send work emails with large attachments that otherwise wouldn't send.
Although I live in another part of Wales, do not underestimate the anti English feeling- this is something I didn't experience as a tourist, but it is very different when you move in.

Depends on how rural you go! I'm very rural, no neighbours, have to drive everywhere, no village just houses dotted around the area. I have to work from home as not near anywhere I could commute to, which restricts the jobs I can get, but the internet is okish thank goodness! But was never really a people person. No takeaways and a long way to travel for the supermarket sucks though, hate cooking and realising I haven't got something and I can't pop out for it!

I live in a town in mid Wales, 2 mins from countryside, 25 mins largeish town (Waitrose etc) Just over an hour to a major city and 45 mins from the beach. Absolutely love it. And I even earn more now than I ever did when I moved up from the South East

As the rural hankerer in my relationship, I'm not going to say you should do something that makes you unhappy, but that every feeling of sadness or depression people feel from isolation is something I feel in the city.

Our agreed compromise is that we'll find somewhere a mile or so out of a town, or in the heart of a well-located, amenitied village.

It's not fair on either of you for the other to impose the extreme.

No no no! Don't do it OP. I did and am stuck in this country bumpkin hell hole now. Your DH will never "get it" (mine grew up rurally too) and once he's back in the sticks you'll never get him to move again!

I live in rural mid Wales. Agree with above posters that the social scene can be hectic in a rural- far more than a city! It's really lovely here. I'm not mad keen on shopping, mind- I don't like fast fashion and all that. Prefer the nice small shops and cafes.