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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - to be frustrated with the invasion of my privacy

76 replies

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 17:48

A bit of background my mother has been with her partner about 4 years I've only known him just over 2 years since I got pregnant with my son, since I've met him he has been very controlling to the point where I was forced to move to an entirely different town away from my friends because he decided my mother and i were moving any time i protested i was called selfish and told by him i was keeping my child from my mother. I gave in and now live nearby them

But recently he has started going through my rubbish and recycling commenting on what I eat and trying to tell me what to do and where to take ds everyday even if ds and I have plans, it's becoming suffocating what do I do?

OP posts:
AudaCityLimits · 26/02/2020 17:49

What the fuck. This has to stop.

CatFaceCats · 26/02/2020 17:52

Erm tell him to stop? Contact the police if he won’t stop harassing you? What does your mum say?

Original poster
Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 17:54

My mother thinks it's bad but isn't in a position to do anything as he owns the place where they live and doesn't have savings

OP posts:
TheAugusta · 26/02/2020 17:55

What on earth has your life got to do with him?! Move back if you can - definitely get away from him.

buckeejit · 26/02/2020 17:56

Ugh. Are you in a position to take your mother away if she's willing?

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 26/02/2020 17:57

Tell him to fuck off immediately Angry is he violent? Are u afraid of him? He sounds nuts

power0901 · 26/02/2020 17:58

Tell him to back off and dont allow him over or near you and dont go to his house absolute avoid contact. If able allow your mother to move in till shes on her feet? That can turn into an extremely unsafe situation.

messolini9 · 26/02/2020 17:58

But recently he has started going through my rubbish and recycling commenting on what I eat and trying to tell me what to do and where to take ds everyday even if ds and I have plans, it's becoming suffocating what do I do?

You Use Your Words OP.
"Sod off you silly old fool"
"What are you doing pawing through my bins you weirdo?"
"Keep your nose out of it, I don't answer to you"

Also ... stop "giving in" to him.
It's doing you no favours, & there is simply no need for you to pay him any attention at all.

JudyCoolibar · 26/02/2020 18:05

Don't invite him to your house or let him in. Block him on all media. If you need to interact with him at all, keep it to a minimum and, every time he tries to tell you want to do, tell him it's not his business. If he tells you you're being selfish, ignore him.

Ideally, move away and make your own arrangements with your mother for her to see your child.

Original poster
Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:07

My mother and I are planning to save up and move away but he seems fixated on my son, I've tried to tell him to stop going through my bins but he just turns it around saying I'm bullying him and being selfish, he keeps constantly buying my son things which I never asked for and makes me feel uncomfortable, I'm at my wits end I have no savings and i rent so will have to bide my time to save enough

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 26/02/2020 18:07

move away OP... ffs

pooopypants · 26/02/2020 18:08

You weren't 'forced to move' - you relented - stop being a pushover. Get some bin locks and tell him to FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.

BlooperReel · 26/02/2020 18:09

Tell him to fuck off and ban him from your home for being a control freak. He is in no way normal, can you not take your mum in if she were to leave him? He sounds awful

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 26/02/2020 18:10

What? Why does this random guy have so much power over you?

CalmdownJanet · 26/02/2020 18:11

I find it really odd that you moved house on the say so of someone you know two years, anyone you know two years but particularly someone you aren't related to or in a relationship with. Why did you not say "Eh feck off Bob, I'm not moving house so mind your own business"

messolini9 · 26/02/2020 18:12

I've tried to tell him to stop going through my bins but he just turns it around saying I'm bullying him and being selfish

"I've told you to stop interfering with my bins. Get off my property right now, or I will call the police & have you removed."

You just have to mean it, OP.
He's not listening because he can sense you don't mean it.
It doesn't matter a toss if he calls you selfish or a bully. You don't need to care what he thinks of you, you just need to tell him he can no longer be around you.

GinDrinker00 · 26/02/2020 18:14

What would happen if you told him to fuck off? Creepy being so interested in your child, do not leave this man with them alone.

Original poster
Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:15

Prior to having ds I was in an abusive marriage my ex husband cut me off from my mother so since the split my mother and I have got close again so I don't want to lose her, she has realised what he's like and we both want to bolt but we have to save up and he is very manipulative he will do things for you that you haven't asked nor wanted and then use it to suggest you owe him

OP posts:
JasonBrun · 26/02/2020 18:16

Hi OP, this sounds like a very controlling relationship with a dangerous person. I think you and your mum need some real life support in separating yourself from this man, is there anyone (boss, friend, grandparent) who could help you?

I don't think AIBU is the best forum but if you report your thread you can have it moved to the relationships board and hopefully access some support there.

Original poster
Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:16

For those asking why I was forced to move my mother and I rented a place together after I had my son so it was either move with or be homeless

OP posts:
GinDrinker00 · 26/02/2020 18:17

Have you contacted women’s aid for advice and help? You need to get away from them, they sound very abusive and dangerous.

endofthelinefinally · 26/02/2020 18:18

So many red flags here OP.
Get your son away from this man asap.

Original poster
Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:20

I'm trying to that's why I posted on here I'm being made to feel like I'm going mad and being unreasonable but none of his behaviour sits well with me

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 26/02/2020 18:21

Why does it bother you so much if he accuses you of being selfish? Tell him you don't care if you are, he doesn't get to go through your bins or tell you what to do.

Original poster
Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:23

@Judycoolibar it's something my father used to do my mother told him about my relationship with my father so he now uses it as a weapon because he knows it gets to me

OP posts:
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