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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - to be frustrated with the invasion of my privacy

76 replies

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 17:48

A bit of background my mother has been with her partner about 4 years I've only known him just over 2 years since I got pregnant with my son, since I've met him he has been very controlling to the point where I was forced to move to an entirely different town away from my friends because he decided my mother and i were moving any time i protested i was called selfish and told by him i was keeping my child from my mother. I gave in and now live nearby them

But recently he has started going through my rubbish and recycling commenting on what I eat and trying to tell me what to do and where to take ds everyday even if ds and I have plans, it's becoming suffocating what do I do?

OP posts:
BoredOfTheBoard · 26/02/2020 18:57

If the bins are shared how does he know what is your rubbish? I hope you are all able to get away from him

JKScot4 · 26/02/2020 18:57

Surely your mum or you can sleep on the sofa? anything to get away from this man, he sounds completely unhinged.

AnyFucker · 26/02/2020 18:59

I am surprised the other residents haven't punched his lights out called the police

Fiberoptic · 26/02/2020 19:00

Pregnant it’s totally normal to go from one abusive relationship to another because our defences are already battered down.

Your mother is not your responsibility. Don’t do this as a joint venture. She’s actually enabling him to do this. Why hasn’t she moved out and moved in with you?

You now are in a situation where you have allowed a man to rule your life that your not even romantically involved in.

He is now taking an unhealthy relationship in your son.

At what point are you going to say enough?

You cultivating a relationship with your mother has now lead to this controlling creep, who is probably obsessed with you and your son, in to your life’s.

Ditch them both. For the sake of your son.

ExhaustedGrinch · 26/02/2020 19:06

Really odd behaviour. I appreciate it hards to get away with lack of funds but as a pp suggested, how about your mum sleep on your sofa for the time being?

I would also contact Womens Aid (glad to see you've said you will) and I would contact the police.

How well does your mum know this man and his background? Does she know his family? Is he someone who lived local or moved to the area? I only ask because I doubt he's only just become like this now, I would imagine he may well have a background for this kind of thing - you can ask the police for information on any previous he may have for Domestic Violence (Clare's Law).

BoredOfTheBoard · 26/02/2020 19:08

I'm wondering if @AnyFucker has the right idea. Are any of your neighbours big and scary or ever so slightly aggressive? you could point out that someone is going through the bins and let nature take its course

Dont do this really, though it sounds tempting

TheSmelliestHouse · 26/02/2020 19:10

Get away from him, don't let him in your home, and let the police know that he is going through your bins in a stalker-ish way, if he carries on with it. Your mum would be better off on your sofa, but she has to make her own decisions. Cut this man off from you and your son, he sounds completely batshit and also grooming your son.

macaroniandpizza · 26/02/2020 19:16

Get your son your mum and yourself as far away from him as soon as you cam

Walnutwhipster · 26/02/2020 19:17

This is the weirdest thing I've read on here. Tell him to fuck off.

AdaColeman · 26/02/2020 19:22

Has he got a key to your flat? If so, get the lock changed.
Get away as soon as you can do so safely.
He’s targeted you and your Mother, realising that you are vulnerable due to being in your previous abusive relationships.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2020 19:23

You'd be crowded, but there is 'technically' room for your mum even if someone has to sleep on a couch or blow up bed. And assuming she has an income, you may even be able to save up faster to move away as she won't be contributing to this abusive arsehole's household.

As far as the bins, if they're numbered for each flat why can't you put a lock on yours? If they're joint how does he know which trash is yours?

AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2020 19:24

Or do you mean he's going through the bins in your house? If so, I'd put fucking mousetraps in them.

MintyMabel · 26/02/2020 19:29

Move away.

MulticolourMophead · 26/02/2020 19:29

If he's fixated on your son, I wonder if there's anything that would show up with a request under Sarah's law? I mean you have only known him 4 years. How well do you actually know him?

BMW6 · 26/02/2020 19:30

WTF? He's going through your bins???

CALL THE POLICE

WelcomeToTheMountaintop · 26/02/2020 19:35

Shit in the bin?

MingeofDeath · 26/02/2020 19:38

This is a very bizarre situation. I can't understand why you are giving this man so much power, especially as he isn't related to you or your son. Why can't you tell him to fuck off?

wildcherries · 26/02/2020 19:41

This is such an uncomfortable read, esp. him being 'fixated' on your son. Call WA and the police. This is really not OK.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/02/2020 19:42

Chuck in some cat poo.

Draw a neighbour's attention to his actions (do they all know who he is?), or the landlord.

Brush off all suggestions - disarm him with positivity. 'That's a lovely idea / kind thought / oh, you could be right' etc, without ever committing to anything.

Though how often do you see him face to face anyway? Make it less.

ASundayWellSpent · 26/02/2020 19:43

Have some boundaries and stand up for them, for your son if not for yourself! Stand your ground and tell him to back the fuck off

champagneandfromage50 · 26/02/2020 19:46

It sounds like you have a plan.... given his fixation with your DS I do hope you don't leave your son with your mum at there house

Tistheseason17 · 26/02/2020 19:50

This sound awful.
Glad you're calling Womens Aid.
Hope they can support you both Flowers
And... so glad you and your mum are on the same page.

fedup21 · 26/02/2020 19:54

For those asking why I was forced to move my mother and I rented a place together after I had my son so it was either move with or be homeless

So you moved with your mum but don’t live with her now?

I don’t understand?

JKScot4 · 26/02/2020 20:26

I think the mum is back living with weirdo man.

Davincitoad · 26/02/2020 20:29

Wtf who is this weirdo id tell him to F off and maybe even contact police

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