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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - to be frustrated with the invasion of my privacy

76 replies

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 17:48

A bit of background my mother has been with her partner about 4 years I've only known him just over 2 years since I got pregnant with my son, since I've met him he has been very controlling to the point where I was forced to move to an entirely different town away from my friends because he decided my mother and i were moving any time i protested i was called selfish and told by him i was keeping my child from my mother. I gave in and now live nearby them

But recently he has started going through my rubbish and recycling commenting on what I eat and trying to tell me what to do and where to take ds everyday even if ds and I have plans, it's becoming suffocating what do I do?

OP posts:

Purpleartichoke · 26/02/2020 18:23

Do you live with him now?

Original poster

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:24

No I don't live with him I live in my own flat nearby

OP posts:

LikeGlitterandGold · 26/02/2020 18:28

Is there room for your Mom to live with you?

JudyCoolibar · 26/02/2020 18:28

Even if the accusation of being selfish gets to you, you need to front it out and not let him see it. If, every time he comes up with it, you say something like "I really don't care, I'm not changing my mind" - and mean it - he'll give up on it because it won't get there result he wants. Likewise you could reply "You know and I know I'm not being selfish, there is nothing selfish about stopping you from invading my privacy." It will also help you not to care about the selfishness accusation, which can only be a plus.

JudyCoolibar · 26/02/2020 18:29

Can you and your mother phone Women's Aid to start planning how to get him out of your lives?

Daftodil · 26/02/2020 18:29

Do you live in his house? I'm a bit confused - you said you rent with your mum but that he owns the house she lives in. Are you and your DS there too?

Obviously, if under his roof it makes things harder, but please do try to access some RL support and move somewhere new (& make sure he doesn't know your new address).

His behaviour is not normal and is very alarming.

lachy · 26/02/2020 18:31

Actually I think you're in quite a difficult situation. Given that both you and your mum are hatching a plan to leave I feel that there's more that you aren't sharing?

You've mentioned controlling, bullying and him accusing you. I'd say that is abuse. He's breaking through my barriers. You've moved because of him and to get you to move he used your son.

I'd guess he's going through rubbish to find "evidence" of a misdemeanor.

I could be wrong but if anything I've written makes you think, then please contact Women's Aid.

Take care

Lllot5 · 26/02/2020 18:31

Get your son away from this man.
You, your mum and your son need to get away from him. Call the police if you have to. Get your son away from him.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 26/02/2020 18:31

You poor thing and your poor mum. You need support to get away from him as given your history you might struggle to do that. No shame in that, if it was as easy as simply telling him to fuck off and leaving for good you’d have done it by now. 08082000247 is the domestic abuse helpline.

Original poster

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:32

I live in a 1 bedroom flat so there isn't room for my mother here and I think I'm going to call women's aid tomorrow

OP posts:

lilgreen · 26/02/2020 18:32

Bloody hell, call the police, get a restraining order!

SureTry · 26/02/2020 18:33

How is he going through your bins if he doesn't live with you?

SureTry · 26/02/2020 18:35

Don't let him in your place & offer your mum your sofa if needs be. Cut contact especially with your child, this is so crazy it doesn't bare thinking about. Protect yourself and your child.

Original poster

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:37

Thank you everyone for your help I now know what I need to do

OP posts:

cobwebfew · 26/02/2020 18:37

Why on earth haven't you called the police yet? And couldn't your mother just end things with this bloke and move in with you and your DS until you can save to move back? Do you have any family that could maybe help you move? You both need to get far away from this man.

ZagZig · 26/02/2020 18:38

I voted yabu - because ywbu to have ever listen to him and moved, wtf

Jux · 26/02/2020 18:38

Can you ignore him? Has he a key? You could call the police if he's hanging about your place, going through your bins, especially if you've already told him to stop.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/02/2020 18:40

Bin locks and police

ZagZig · 26/02/2020 18:44

He sounds like he's grooming your son with gifts. He's clearly nuts, what he's doing is abnormal behaviour. It's your job to protect your son

AnyFucker · 26/02/2020 18:49

This post is very difficult to understand

Where are your bins and how does he access them ?

Serendipity79 · 26/02/2020 18:50

Your mum can sleep on your sofa, ok it won't be ideal but better than her being with an abusive partner. And in the meantime speak to the police about a non molestation order - this is raising so many red flags for me - do anything you can to keep him away from your child x

Original poster

Pregnantbean1 · 26/02/2020 18:51

They are outside in the driveway of the building for all the flats in my building so I can't put locks on them

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/02/2020 18:51

He targeted your mother because he is an abuser and he recognised she would make a good next victim. You coming along makes it a 2 for 1 with the added bonus that you now have a male child could become his heir. He’s planning to turn your child into an abuser. Moreover to be your abuser.

Don’t plan to get away. Just get away. I would be getting your mum to leave now to protect your ds even if that means she lives with you in the 1 bed for a while.

AnyFucker · 26/02/2020 18:53

So he rocks up at your building and starts rooting through the bins ?

Weird

IWishItWasSummer · 26/02/2020 18:54

They are outside in the driveway of the building for all the flats in my building so I can't put locks on them

If your bins have numbers on them for your house number take them off if you can. He won’t know hat bins are yours then. Also, I’m sure you and your mum could cope in a one bed flat until you can both sort somewhere else out?

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