Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
neverornow · 25/02/2020 16:22

I wouldn't have hesitated in helping. It's only one day/evening.

The hoovering could wait and the pancakes could be shared amongst all of the children.

Having a sick baby is horribly stressful.

She obviously considers you reliable and trustworthy enough to ask. I'd take that as a compliment and hopefully next time you'll be in a better position to help.

ShesCurly · 25/02/2020 16:22

Oh and I hope this poor mum's baby is ok bless them.

HeartWreckage · 25/02/2020 16:24

Your excuses are absolute nonsense.

You couldn’t have a) given all the kids no pancakes b) given the other kids you and your husbands pancakes c) split the pancakes further? For the sake of helping another mum out in an emergency?

You clearly don’t have to hoover for kids coming around. They are not going to be doing a dust check of your skirting boards.

It’s a shame that you suffer ill health but you were making the trip anyway. Having some other kids walk along with you changes nothing.

You are perfectly entitled to refuse to help anyone in need but.... it’s not very kind, is it?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 25/02/2020 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shinesweetfreedom · 25/02/2020 16:25

Drinkfeckarsegirls.
Methinks is valid
Eg Methinks he doth protest too much or some such variation,from Shakespeare and you can’t get more English than that

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 16:27

Read all the replies. Thank you. Fully expected the response I got. Im unreasonable and selfish. Karma will hopefully get me. I presume the enjoy your pancakes were sarcasm. My anemia and bad periods are a pathetic excuse on the worst day of my period. My husband should stop work and go on a 45 minutes school run. A hour at the park would not be helpful.

I do not know these kids. I don't have a spare anything for them to sleep over. The kids also need to be at school tomorrow. I would of had them over if it didn't land with no information of times etc. I also do become a selfish mare on day 2-3 of my cycle. I do the minimum I have to and rest up so I can function for my children. I was so bad a couple of weeks ago and have only started feeling slightly better this week. It was horrendous not being able to do much for my own kids whilst going through that. It's the worst I've ever been. I look at other people and wish I could function like them. I'm always frozen. My heart beat is often irregular. I often feel sick and can't hardly move. These are going to just called excuses but feel free to take it off me and experience what it's like to feel so unwell. Do some research on anemia before making out you would do anything whilst suffering from it to the extent I have.
The kids were fine. The dad is on the scene. He has come back to feed them and put them to bed. Social services would not of taken them at all. I asked her if they were stuck and she said they had got the boys early as they have no idea about times etc. I've said I will walk them to school tomorrow if she likes.

My partner's job is also important and you know nothing about it so you can't tell me that's not an excuse.

I'm clicking off here now. Thanks for everyone's views.

Conclusion I have been unreasonable. I agree

OP posts:
FoamingAtTheUterus · 25/02/2020 16:28

Yanbu.

If that's how you feel then that's how you feel.........I don feel it's a sad reflection on society these days tho. That's just how a lot of people are. It's becoming the norm.

Personally I'd have helped. Especially as her reason was very genuine.

SewItGoes · 25/02/2020 16:29

Ugh. The suggestion that any time you "feel guilty" it means that you're doing something wrong is extremely unhelpful and untrue. Maybe that's how it works for some people, but others feel guilty about things they shouldn't possibly feel guilt for.

youknowitmakessensedunnit · 25/02/2020 16:30

tbh the fact she's had to ask someone like the OP suggests she's found it hard to get someone else to help

SewItGoes · 25/02/2020 16:32

OP, if you've actually left, you won't see this, but YANBU. Ignore those who say otherwise.

Wineislifex · 25/02/2020 16:33

Me me me me me
That’s all I got from your latest update
No concern for the mum and baby at all

Beyond selfish!

pinkyredrose · 25/02/2020 16:33

I can't believe that anyone thinks OP has been unreasonable! Apart from anything else her partner was working, you wouldn't take 2 random kids to his office! Or do people think that working from home isn't really working.

If the other mother was that desperate she could have sent a taxi to get her kids n take them to the hospital, she could've asked OP to see them safely in the cab first or even travel to the hospital with them and then taxi back.

myrtleWilson · 25/02/2020 16:33

The oddest bit of this excuse really is the pancakes. there is enough mixture for the "four of us" - presumably that is hardworking dad, OP, school child plus toddler. Does the OP and the dad look forward to pancake day soooooo much that they are not willing to forego their own pancakes for the guest children. if there really isn't any food in the house presumably Dad could pop out (after his quiet work) to get some more....

JillAmanda · 25/02/2020 16:34

Yanbu but some of your excuses are a bit lame. You didn’t want to do it - that’s fair enough but don’t pretend you really worried that the kids would judge you for not hoovering 🙄

Babymamaroon · 25/02/2020 16:35

If you're that bad with your period, couldn't your DH have nipped to the school to pick up all the kids whilst you stayed home with the baby? As you say he's clearly been doing the school runs for you so what's another quick pick up?

Surely you can control the children and settle them down with a film? Who's in charge here?!?!

With a baby in hospital this mother must be so desperate. I'm afraid I believe you have been selfish in not helping her out this once.

Andonandonan · 25/02/2020 16:36

I would have helped her.

Bluerussian · 25/02/2020 16:36

How long does it take to whip up a bit more pancake mix ?

I understand how you felt, op, but the woman may not have had anyone else to ask.

FizzyIce · 25/02/2020 16:37

You seem to be full of rubbish excuses ,if you didn’t want to , you didn’t want to, it’s not a crime and you weren’t unfair in not wanting to pick up kids you barely know .
I hope you didn’t garble all this out to the poor woman though .

WorraLiberty · 25/02/2020 16:37

I wonder if you are this patronising in real life. Probably not. And one poster did indeed find it confusing. But I'm sure you think she's lying.

I wonder if you are that gullible in real life. Probably.

Bluerussian · 25/02/2020 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FizzyIce · 25/02/2020 16:39

@pinkyredrose that is not the same thing .. my dh works from home a couple of times a week and shuts himself off while he does it.
You can tell children to be quiet if they start to get a bit loud , that’s what you do when you have children ...

Saladmakesmesad · 25/02/2020 16:40

OP I feel for you. Because most women get periods, a lot of people think they are dismissable (because they are for them). If you'd said 'I have a really bad flu' people wouldn't have expected you to crack on. You're really poorly, bless you. You've done the right thing saying no. Sometimes you have to look after yourself - you matter too. Genuinely - enjoy your pancakes. Sometimes these little things can make a tough day much better.

Flufferbum · 25/02/2020 16:42

OP I know how bad anaemia is. I thought I had early onset dementia or a brain tumour and 5 years on I still have it and still have a dull feeling brain. I do get it. And I know it must be absolutely awful for you because it was terrible for me and you sound far worse. But I think we would just hope that in our time of need, someone would be there regardless, because there are so many ifs and buts of what also could be done rather than couldn’t. I think a lot of people here aren’t necessarily people pleasers, they say yes and work it out. I don’t think anyone has been particularly scathing on this post, I just don’t think you’ve found what you wanted. And I promise you, I have commented with the upmost sincerity. And I am genuinely sorry if anything I have said has upset you. Karma for me is what you give you get, what you don’t give again you don’t get. It wasn’t a ‘karma will fuxk you over’ at all. Really - it was not.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/02/2020 16:42

When my DS was admitted overnight to hospital with a chest infection I luckily had DD with me too so didn't have to arrange anyone to collect her. DH came to hospital and took DD home while I stayed. If she'd been at school I would really hope one of the other mum's would have grabbed her for me. Unless you think she's lying I think YABU.

mumto2teenagers · 25/02/2020 16:51

I think YABU.

Children wouldn't care if you had hoovered and tidied up, as for the pancakes if you had enough for the adults I would have given those to the kids or if you really didn't have enough for the children to have one each you could have waited until they left.