To of told a lie to not collect her kids

[Guiltybutstuck]

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

YABVVVU. You can have as many reasons (read excuses) as you like, but ultimately you were unhelpful and unkind. Furthermore, if you really are as unwell as you claim with anaemia and periods (I have monthly iron transfusions so know what that's like) I think you were even more unfriendly, as you should understand what it is like to be in a difficult situations at short or no notice. You might be the one needing a favour next time - how would you feel if you needed help and people you asked refused for such flimsy reasoning. What goes around comes around, but you already know this OP hence your guilt.

I think in your heart you know you did the wrong thing OP, which is why you're on here making your case. If you had made the right decision it wouldn't be troubling you.

I have no idea whether you were unreasonable not to help. I have no idea though why you had to lie about it.

Oh my gosh

What happens now? What if she can’t get anyone to pick up her kids?

That’s then going to some kind of social services. I’m the chair of the PTA at our school. If we can’t get hold of the parents. If one of the teachers can stay. They will

However if no one can. We give an hour at the max. Then the police and social services are called.....

I would of bent over backwards. I’ve just come out of hospital. I feel sad for those poor boys.

You can also make the pancakes smaller. So the mic could go around

Not hard is it...

Wow, talk about completely heartless!!!

Absolute lol at someone pretending they don’t understand the title. Right.

Yes, so funny if English is not your native language and you find the title confusing as a result, which it well could be to someone who has English as second language. Is it really that hard to imagine?

Its OK for women to say no. It is OK for women to not be kind. It is OK for women to put their own convenience over that of someone they barely know.

The children are safe, they are not in danger. They are not hungry, or cold or neglected.

The OP did offer some help, just not what was asked for. That's ok too.

I'm a big believer that it's ok to say no in any circumstance and it really is. Saying that have the maturity to just say no. That's it. Justifying it with your excuses which really are quite thin is the problem here.

Ultimately you take the consequence of your action. That is the fact that you feel guilty. It is what it is. I have no problem saying no and on occasion I feel guilty. That's the way it is and so to speak my price for saying no so I accept it.

My issue with this is not the fact that you didn't do it, you have every right not to. However to believe that any of those excuses mitigate the issue is the problem. Say no but don't justify it with silly comments about pancakes.

I've been where you are with iron levels during a period and it made pass out a lot at the time and I was exhausted, I also have financial issues and two DC etc etc, but those aren't excuses, be an adult and accept you said no and that's fine but noone is going to say poor you for all those things they are part of life

A few years ago I found myself in exactly this situation. My DS was ill, and after calling the doctors they phoned ahead to the hospital. My husband rushed back from London to drive us and I was panicking about my DD who would need collecting from school. Couldn’t get hold of a friend who would have helped (at the gym, phone in locker) and no family/friends nearby, so called another parent who immediately said it was no problem. This person fed and kept my daughter overnight as my DH didn’t get home until after midnight. Turned out my DS appendix had burst appendix and had to have surgery the following morning and I obviously had to stay in hospital with him. This was an emergency and I will forever be eternally grateful to the parent who helped us out in our time of need.

Yes, so funny if English is not your native language and you find the title confusing as a result, which it well could be to someone who has English as second language. Is it really that hard to imagine?

Oh come on now.

If the tiny mistake in the title actually did confuse anyone with English as a second language, they'd never get through any English threads on the internet.

But I'm sure you know that.

If the tiny mistake in the title actually did confuse anyone with English as a second language, they'd never get through any English threads on the internet.

But I'm sure you know that.

I wonder if you are this patronising in real life. Probably not. And one poster did indeed find it confusing. But I'm sure you think she's lying.

It's not a tiny mistake, in alters the meaning of the question and makes it nonsensical. You know that, too.

Why do people make AIBU threads then just respond with annoyed messages telling people they're wrong and of course they weren't being unreasonable.

Presumably you at least thought you might have been unreasonable or why on earth would you have posted?!

If you'd have mentioned your other issues in the opening post perhaps some people might have responded differently, who knows.

But you're being really pissy with people answering a question you asked on a discussion forum.

You literally said:

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them. Am I a cow for not being more helpful?

You feel guilty so obviously you feel you did the 'wrong' thing.

People haven't called you a cow but they've said yes they think you should have been more helpful.

If you don't want answers then don't start a thread asking questions 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, so funny if English is not your native language and you find the title confusing as a result, which it well could be to someone who has English as second language. Is it really that hard to imagine?

Oh come on. This thread title didn’t confuse anyone.

Especially not that particular poster who has got other threads on the pedant boards discussing particular use of grammar. I’m quite sure they did understand it.

I think you could have done more to help.
Pancakes could have waited?
Hoovering could have waited?
Or since she text asking at 1pm, could you have not done those things before going on school run?

I understand you didn’t want to, but I think you should have helped.

At any rate, I think YABU, OP, and quite mean-spirited. But I hope you all enjoy your pancakes.

Lol at previous poster saying that doesn’t work for me.
It is an emergency situation.
All my family have passed,no help from child’s father but when shit has hit the fan and either my child has been admitted or I into hospital,it wasn’t so much a case of asking,friends and neighbours rallied round.And I am someone who does not like to ask for help,but will be there for others.
Even if it was someone who I did not like,if a situation like this happens no hesitation in stepping up.
It is an emergency situation not a cheeky fucker.

In an emergency I would have done it. They won't care about a messy house and the kids could have shared the pancakes. You sound quite an anxious person though, I understand what that is like. If you felt that on this occasion you couldn't cope then that's fine. You were not obliged to pick them up.

Sorry op, but I think your continued posts about your health are a red herring. If you were prepared to take them to the park, you could have walked home with them, a walk you are doing anyway. Your dh working from home is clearly a bigger issue but presumably school age dc can be kept to a certain area in the house to give him peace. I am sure you aren't all expected to be silent all the time!

The hoovering and pancakes are weird excuses.

In your shoes, I would have done it and have done so before. Also when my youngest had a medical emergency, I called on another parent for help in much the same way. Thankfully they were happy to help, hopefully they didn't actually post on mn complaining about my request!

I am confused about why you posted when you are so sure you are right, all you have done is risk this mum seeing it and feeling even more shit about it all

Oh come on. This thread title didn’t confuse anyone.

It apparently did. And if it isn't confusing it's woefully incorrect at any rate and it's rather sad that pointing that out is considered 'dickish' or the like.

But again, the OP is hopefully at home and all of them have a pancake. Hope they taste nice.

I'm out.

OP, the title says you've told a lie. what's the lie? Is it that DH needs a quiet working environment... Which you were going to hoover (that's a but loud isn't it?) but couldn't be bothered...? Oh but wait, you're having an uber period, surly hoovering would near kill you if you're having to take medication just to walk the school pick up?

What about watching over a couple of kids who could cosy on down and watch a film for a couple of hours while DH finishes off his quiet job? Cut the pancakes in half. Sharing is caring right?

Hope the heavy AF sorts it's self out, OP.

Sorry OP I also voted YABU. I think you also knew that your excuses are flimsy because you lied.

I remember being blue lighted into hospital. My in laws and parents live 3 hrs away. My husband had no one to call. He rushed to my side and a parent took my kids home. I’m forever grateful to them. I ended up in hospital for 2 months. My husband works from home so just worked till midnight each night.

I never forgot that parent.

She also had it that I’d would of done anything for her for eternity. Lols.

Normally I'm in the YANBU camp for this sort of thing but her baby needs to go into hospital for a possible chest infection!! I don't think I could've said no to that.

Poor woman must be so stressed and worried

I'm really saddened by this post.

I hope that I would help. Not enough pancake mix - (really?) - then have freezer surprise and pancakes another day, or half a pancake each or use a smaller pan.

Looking after her kids after your kids bedtime? Her baby is in hospital. it won't do any of the kids any harm to have a bit of a disrupted evening as a complete one off.

Disturbing husbands work calls? It's an emergency, a one off. If it's really too loud in the background with doors shut when he's working from home he could go out in the car. Or, you know, take a couple of hours off as an emergency and help out.

Period - I feel for you. I'm wiped out, changing pads every 30 minutes today. Your hubby leaving work for 20 minutes to pick kids up in the car would have really helped however many kids there are.