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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
Crystal87 · 25/02/2020 16:52

Yanbu. Fair enough if you know the woman and the kids well, but you don't. And sounds like there's enough on your plate and you're struggling as it is. I doubt most people on this thread would drop everything to help out someone they hardly know when they're already struggling.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/02/2020 16:53

Irrelevant at this point but I’m chuckling at professional phone calls Grin

KillingEvenings · 25/02/2020 16:54

In a similar circumstance I've said it's not ideal because of x,y,z but that if they can't find someone else to get back in touch. For all we know, she has other people she could try. Sheesh, usually Mumsnet is all 'CF, just becasue she asked doesn't mean you have to do it'

HeadachesByTheDozen · 25/02/2020 16:55

OP, something doesn't add up. You said your husband drives. And the school is a mile away. Walking, I can see how that would be 45 mins, but with your husband driving, it would be nowhere near that. 5 to 10 mins tops.

So it simply doesn't add up.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/02/2020 16:56

While I do feel sorry for the mum. The situation is unreasonable, but you're not. It's okay and very very easy for us to get on your back, but Hands up who wan ts to be looking after other peoples kids when they're flooded off their fee t. When you're like that it can be hard enough with your own kids.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 25/02/2020 16:56

As other people have said, the poor woman was obviously desperate otherwise she wouldn’t have asked a random mum from the school. Let’s hope your not in a similar situation one day Op and if you are, the people you ask are kind to you and help.

TheOrigBrave · 25/02/2020 16:57

OP, you should have just told her you were really, really poorly.
Being unwell yourself is of course a perfectly good reason to decline to help someone else.

But you didn't say that in your OP; that's why you're getting a hard time.

reginafelangee · 25/02/2020 16:57

I think it's pretty poor of you. Her kid is going to hospital. It's an emergency. It doesn't matter whether you've hoovered.

So I get why you feel guilty.

Remember today the next time you have an emergency and need to ask someone for help.

mushroom3 · 25/02/2020 16:58

The fact that you posted on here with excuses for your actions, for opinions mean you know that you have been unreasonable in what was an emergency situation.

mushroom3 · 25/02/2020 16:58

means

Herringbone31 · 25/02/2020 16:58

I had such severe anemia. That my blood clotting and my organs gave up. It landed me in hospital for 13 months......

So yeah. I’ve been there. People who are relying to you. Have also been there

You didn’t even say about the mum or her child in hospital in your reply.

thaegumathteth · 25/02/2020 17:00

Yes YABU and mean. You don't want to accept that though.

Herringbone31 · 25/02/2020 17:01

If the kids were fine and their dad picked them up. And you knew this

Why make this post??

LettertoHermoine · 25/02/2020 17:01

Do you know what even worse than you not helping the Mum out when she really needed it? The excuses, the piddly, silly, weak, lame, feeble, sad and sorry excuses that you have conjured up to try and deviate from the fact that you wouldn't put yourself out this time to help a mother who is experiencing what you did when your child was in hospital. The fact you know what she is going through and made up lies so you would not have to help is pretty low.

There is only enough pancake batter for the 4 of us takes the biscuit..it made me cringe.

YABVU and you are being incredibly fucking mean.

formerbabe · 25/02/2020 17:01

I wouldn't have wanted to do it but she sounds quite desperate so as a one off, I'd have done it and cut the pancakes in half!

SunshineCake · 25/02/2020 17:01

I feel sad that you care more about your dh looking unprofessional than helping a frantic mum out. Surely he could explain that there has been an emergency and apologise for any extra noise.

lemontreebird · 25/02/2020 17:01

YANBU, op. Hope you feel better soon. Flowers

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:05

@lettertohermoine

Loving the aggresion in your reply. Can picture you gritted teeth and air grabbing. Piddly silly weak excuses. You have got your knickers in a right twist!!! Calm down. Go make a brew.

OP posts:
Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:06

@lemontreebird

Thank you x

OP posts:
LettertoHermoine · 25/02/2020 17:07

@Guiltybutstuck Make yerself one to enjoy with your pancakes! Thank fuck you have enough :)

Bluerussian · 25/02/2020 17:08

I too hope you feel better soon, op, but quite honestly can't get over the pancake business. Making pancakes is so easy. I'm going to do them later - if you can make four you can make six, or ten!

Put it behind you now but remember how mean you felt about not helping out and you refuse again.

diddl · 25/02/2020 17:08

If the dad was able to do it then surely the mum couldn't have been desperate?

Original poster
Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 17:09

@LettertoHermoine bluddy hell. You got pancakes from my original post! It was about more than fecking pancakes. That's what I've organised for tea to feed my kids. I don't have tons of shopping in right now. I'm not bothered if I get a pancake for FFS.

OP posts:
marmitegirl01 · 25/02/2020 17:10

Oh my goodness. It’s always ok to say no.
And no is a complete sentence!

MummytoCSJH · 25/02/2020 17:10

YANBU, I wouldn't take home multiple kids I hardly know either. I have a chronic illness and struggle with pain daily and literally buy food for me and my 1 child so wouldn't have enough of whatever I'd have planned for tea. Don't care if I'm mean, I would never ask someone who is practically a stranger to have my child either.