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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 26/02/2020 09:29

There's no time of when she was back or who could take over later

Surely this information would have followed once you had agreed to pick them up. You obviously started this thread as your feeling guilty about not helping. You could have helped, you just chose not to.

OldEvilOwl · 26/02/2020 09:30

And you have each other's phone numbers so hardly strangers

lolllypop · 26/02/2020 09:32

Have read the whole thread now, you come across as very selfish. I have bad periods (tmi but sometimes tennis ball sized clots) and have anaemia treated with iron infusions. I get it, it's not nice but you were making the journey anyway so if you were going to leak etc it would of happened anyway regardless of how many kids you had.
The food scenario I find strange, do people really not have back up food in the house, some frozen chips and nuggets or pasta etc.
You say your DH job is v important but again there are plenty of ways around a noise issue. Kids to stay either upstairs or downstairs, engage them in quiet activities such as colouring. We've been to family members houses where people are making important calls and it's never been an issue.
You sound like someone who has an excuse for everything, in the long run you'll suffer.

Bunnylady54 · 26/02/2020 09:38

YABU to keep writing “ of” when it’s “ have”. Sorry I know that’s not the point of the thread!

IrmaFayLear · 26/02/2020 09:38

I had exactly this. A school-gate mum called me (our dcs were a bit friendly) as her dd had to go to hospital urgently and her dh was away on business. Did I want to look after two small kids? Hell no. Did I hesitate to agree to look after them? Of course not.

I can't understand posters saying, "Look after yourself" and "You come first". Sure. But that's not a nice attitude to have. This was not a CF looking for school run help on a regular basis, this was someone with an emergency .

The talk of not having enough pancake mix and having to hold coats etc... that comes across as merely mean spirited.

Dh has a "friend" like this. His catchphrase is a beligerent, "Why should I?" whenever he feels he could be put out even the slightest bit.

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 09:41

Lol, I don't listen in, but I somehow don't think he's calling his DM. Grin

If it's ever too noisy, he can shut the door, but I can also tell our DDs to be quiet or go upstairs, even if there are a couple of friends there too. We're talking about school aged children not preschoolers. Teachers somehow manage to control a class of 30 children after all.

ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 09:49

This was not a CF looking for school run help on a regular basis, this was someone with an emergency .

It was also someone with a dad in the picture who could pick up his children, as ended up happening. It’s his responsibility, not OPs but no one is saying anything about that. I’m really baffled by this thread. 🤷🏻‍♀️

IrmaFayLear · 26/02/2020 09:53

It depends what he's doing. Dh would pick up dcs if he's working from home, but he might be on a scheduled conference call at that time. I think the dh in this case is a bit of a red herring, or rather a red-hot excuse. Of course he could pop out and collect the kids - and buy more milk or eggs or whatever for pancakes along the way. But in this case he's just another ticked box in the "I can't possibly because...." list of the OP.

ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 10:01

I think the dh in this case is a bit of a red herring, or rather a red-hot excuse. Of course he could pop out and collect the kids - and buy more milk or eggs or whatever for pancakes along the way. But in this case he's just another ticked box in the "I can't possibly because...." list of the OP.

Or maybe the dad with the poorly child could be the one changing his plans to accommodate his children rather than the OPs husband... again, I’m genuinely baffled.

lolllypop · 26/02/2020 10:01

I imagine the mother of the sick child called her DH to let him know he needed to pick the child up. He's said he isn't sure he can make it in time. She's then texted to the Op as she knows op is at the school gate anyway because she wants to make sure her DC aren't stood at the end of the school day with no one to pick them up. In this instance it worked out, and the dad got there in time. I'v been in a situation where a hospital appointment has over run so I'v asked a family member to collect. If needed I could of probably raced across town and got there in time but instead I'v just collected straight away from the family member which I imagine is what the sick boys dad would of done.

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 10:02

If it's his baby, too, though, and they have no extended family to help, then it would be understandable if he wanted to be at the hospital with his OH and to be with his sick baby. It's still a very understandable request.

pipnchops · 26/02/2020 10:03

Bunnylady 😂 that's been getting on my nerves too! "To of" at the beginning of this thread title!

To have, would have, should have (to've/would've/should've in spoken English, so that's where the confusion lies I guess)

IrmaFayLear · 26/02/2020 10:04

If my child were ill and it was an emergency dh would come as soon as he could - but he works two hours away. I said upthread that I stepped in to help a woman whose dh was abroad. No one calls someone they don't know that well for help if their dh, dm, dsis, Uncle Tom Cobley and all are all within hailing distance.

brummiesue · 26/02/2020 10:04

Your excuses are really poor, yabu

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 10:05

And as @lolllypop said, too. I've faced situations like this. I've asked a friend to pick the girls up at the last minute, because something has cropped up (thankfully nothing as serious as this mum's problems though) and my DH wasn't able to get back in time.

It's last minute because that's the way it is in an emergency.

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 10:07

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ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 10:09

If it's his baby, too, though, and they have no extended family to help, then it would be understandable if he wanted to be at the hospital with his OH and to be with his sick baby. It's still a very understandable request.

If it’s just the two of you with no extended family or friends to help, I’m afraid you don’t get to both be there when things like this happen. One has to be with the other children. We’ve been in that situation, it’s horrible but I’d never expect someone I hardly know to help out. My kids would have hated it too.

IrmaFayLear · 26/02/2020 10:12

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ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 10:12

No one calls someone they don't know that well for help if their dh, dm, dsis, Uncle Tom Cobley and all are all within hailing distance.

Well the mum in this story did, the dad was clearly able to get there because he did.

ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 10:13

And now the grammar police have arrived....🙄

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 10:16

That's if he physically could get there in time. He may have had to leave a meeting at work to get to the school in time.

There's nothing wrong with asking in an emergency situation. We've somehow become a very selfish society, who think that other people should never ask them for help. I don't see this as the other woman being a CF at all, she's not asking for a regular arrangement.

The other mum wasn't unreasonable. The OP wasn't necessarily so, except for telling a silly lie. The person who is unreasonable is her DH, as I've said before. It would be perfectly doable for him to pick the kids up as he's the driver rather than expecting his DW, whose periods are making her ill and has to walk.

IrmaFayLear · 26/02/2020 10:16

No, they arrived pages and pages back. In fact on page one.

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 10:19

And we don't necessarily know that the OP was telling the truth about the dad. She did a lot of backpedaling after all. She wouldn't be feeling so guilty if the dad actually could get there easily without having to leave work early.

Also, if the dad could get there, it clearly wasn't going to be the case of having the children overnight, was it? Which the OP stated she was worried about.

ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 10:20

I bellow at dh repeatedly that it's "different FROM" and not "different TO" yet I still catch him saying it...

You bellow at him for this...😳.... poor bloke. Id be more concerned about my anger issues than his grammar if I was bellowing at my husband repeatedly over something like this.

NewUserNameReq · 26/02/2020 10:20

I can see both sides and won't post my opinion personally, but wanted to remind posters about the #BeKind theme that has been doing the rounds recently. Think about how vicious and personal some of your replies are, OP I hope you're ok