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Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 26/02/2020 01:10

@Bikerider2020 I literally have 100s of people in my phone. Doesn’t mean I know them well enough to watch my children behind closed doors. OP barely knows this woman. They speak at the school gate. No way I’m the world would I look after kids I barely know. There is no telling what could happen

funinthesun19 · 26/02/2020 01:20

People have things going on in their own lives. I would always help people I’m really close to, because I don’t mind shuffling my life around for them and their children. Or if I’m having a really shut day I wouldn’t mind looking after their children for a few hours.
When my best friend was recovering from major surgery, I took her dd to school every morning and her partner picked her up at hometime. I didn’t mind one bit.

But that doesn’t mean I’d do the same for x y z school mum who I barely even know. People have their own lives and struggles to be getting on with and it’s not a bad thing to just say NO.

RainbowMum11 · 26/02/2020 01:35

If my young child needed to go to hospital and I desperately needed so one to help puck my other kids up from school, the last thing I would be thinking about would be hoovering, or you going off to the loo (they would be playing!) or pancakes all round - I would be so worried about the one that needed to be in hospital and knowing that another mum, who the other kids knew would be able to look after them would be enough.
I'm sure she feels bad enough, firstly that her youngest has to go to hospital, but also because she has no one else to ask to help look after her older 2.
Imagine if it was the other way round.

Bikerider2020 · 26/02/2020 05:19

@Leaannb it's still not a stranger though! A stranger is someone you don't know, she knows this women and has contact details is not a stranger.

And I'm with @SchadenfreudePersonified that the oh so convenient DH turned up to collect them, totalling exonerating OP from any guilt.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 26/02/2020 05:28

Own your decision. It may not have been kind to say 'No' but if you felt like you had to, then do it and stop with all the excuses.

ittakes2 · 26/02/2020 05:29

I am confused, don't want to walk a mile home with them, might need to go to the loo etc etc...but you don't mind taking them to the park?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 26/02/2020 05:36

Wow, would it really hurt to help a fellow parent in need. Heavy period and not enough pancake mix v sick baby. You sound lovely

AgentPrentiss · 26/02/2020 05:49

Why lie OP? If you thought you reasons were totally valid there’s no need to lie, surely?

Clutterbugsmum · 26/02/2020 06:11

For the love of god, there are times when you just can't spread yourself any thinner and help some one else. OP has explained more then once that she is not physically and mentally able to cope with 2 extra barely known children for an unknown amount of time. As well as her husband working from home.

And while most of you are concentrating on fucking pancakes the DAD finally decided to be a parent and pick HIS children up, so there was no reason for OP to even get a phone call, the other parent should have contacted her husband/partner. Or is HIS job more important then OP husband.

JojoLapin · 26/02/2020 06:28

Bubblesgun. I am “one of those who just cooks the pancakes and forget about Ash Wednesday and Lent” because I am an atheist. I also enjoy a lovely Christmas meal with my loved ones where thoughtful presents are exchanged. You’ll find we are quite a few, you absolute judgemental toad.

OP, I’d like to think I would have helped the mother but don’t beat yourself about it.

myrtleWilson · 26/02/2020 07:09

clutterbug I doubt very much the mom in need thought "shit, kids need picking up at 3 but I need to take the baby to hospital. Now DH is 5 mins away but I'll ring that mom I see at the school gates instead' Hmm much more likely (if we accept the dad did arrive) would be first call to DH. He says I'm leaving now but I'm two hours away, can you ask a friend as a back up in case I don't make it back for school closing'

FairNotFair · 26/02/2020 07:20

Jojo you'll be telling us next that you enjoy the occasional egg-shaped chocolate treat around Easter. I am shaken to my very core.

Merlotmum85 · 26/02/2020 07:28

Yes I would have helped her out. But you didn't, and that is a choice you were perfectly entitled to make. So own it, and hope that you never have a childcare emergency in future.

vhs95 · 26/02/2020 07:30

I'm surprised you posted this on here tbh as you might have known you'd get slaughtered. I understand exactly why you said no as you were caught on the hop with a lot on your mind and I'm sure if you'd had time to process it the answer would've been different. I hope you get your periods sorted out soon.

Clutterbugsmum · 26/02/2020 07:47

myrtleWilson

Nope sorry that's a crap response. You have a partner/husband then YOU call them first A) to tell then you are taking baby to hospital and B) tell his he needs to get children from school, not some passing school friend who have no responsibility for your children

ThunderboltandLightning · 26/02/2020 07:48

I would and have helped out. Including dropping my own work to go and collect someone else's sick child from school because she is a teacher at another school and couldn't just walk out, her husband was away. Took him home, wrapped him up in front of the TV and kept him safe until she could escape work. She wasn't a close friend at the time but she is now.

What happened to being part of a community, and helping each other? People just see danger', you never know what might happen' or think things are nothing to do with them. Until the shoe is on the other foot and no one is prepared to put themselves out for them.

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 07:53

I am confused, don't want to walk a mile home with them, might need to go to the loo etc etc...but you don't mind taking them to the park?

That's exactly what I think. At my worst, I had 2 DDs of 4 and 1. On a bad day (as in most days then), there's no way I could have done the school run and spent an hour at the park. In other words, 2 hours without having to change knickers and sanitary pad. No way.

The DH comes off worst here. He had a car, he could have taken a break from work and picked the kids up. My DH manages that, even as a senior manager who is constantly having to take calls.

That's what really annoys me about this. That and the fact that the OP feels like she has to tell a lie about why she can't help the other mum in her hour of need. Heavy and painful periods are a good reason to say no and one which another woman would hopefully understand. It sounds as if the OP's DH is dismissive of her difficulties to me.

ThunderboltandLightning · 26/02/2020 07:54

tell his he needs to get children from school, not some passing school friend who have no responsibility for your children

And if he is physically too far away? You can call him and he can leave immediately, but still not make it in time. You need someone else to help out in the interim.

I recall being picked up from school by a neighbour I didn't know and being looked after for hours because my mum had to take my brother to A&E. My dad worked in London, was beholden to public transport. No way would he have got back to collect us from school.

Blackbear19 · 26/02/2020 07:56

I'm sure the Op thought this thread would go the other way. That the other mum was a CFer and should sort her own childcare etc.

But it didn't because we all can find ourselves in situations where our normal arrangements fall through and a genuine emergency puts a spanner in the works. Other mum can't divide herself in two.

Op could have made a real friend but didn't.
Op may need an operation to sort her periods and need help to sort kids. The other mum can guilt free say "sorry my own 3 kids are enough" (you didn't help me, why should I help you). Her own DH will just have to step up and parent, probably loose time off work, do the school run.

Mittens030869 · 26/02/2020 08:31

If her DH had been willing to help, they could have managed to help the poor lady. My DH would have picked all the kids up and brought them home, then left them with me whilst he went into another room and shut the door to make his telephone calls. He's constantly on the phone when working but finds a way to work around them.

He would also, shock horror, have stopped to buy extra supplies.

Then my periods wouldn't have been an issue at all (apart from being exhausted, but the kids would have watched TV/ used iPads. School kids can be told to keep the volume down.

myrtleWilson · 26/02/2020 08:42

@Clutterbugsmum - that's what I said! Hmm
Her first call would have been to the DH but if the DH was a long way away it would have been completely sensible for said DH to say - am on my way but in case I don't make it can you get a back up plan?

Spied · 26/02/2020 08:42

I'd have helped.
You were picking up your DC anyway so the others would have tagged on. You weren't making a special journey for them.
Also, you would have gone to the park despite the period therefore you must think it's likely you'd have been ok till you'd got home.Confused
I think you definitely should have helped out. It's a one-off.
I'd probably have given them mine and DH's pancakes tooGrin

I hope you're never in need of a friend in an emergency situation with no one to ask...

ChickLitLover · 26/02/2020 09:23

This thread is ridiculous. They’re not OPs kids and therefore she wasn’t obliged to help. She has her reasons for not helping, not that she needed any to say no anyway. The fact that Dad got there to sort it out means it was always possible so OP shouldn’t even have been asked.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/02/2020 09:24

OP has obviously been in text contact with the woman, because she has offered to do school drop-off tomorrow morning

We only have OP's word for that, and she has been excusing herself and back-pedalling for 18 pages.

I'm not sure I believe her.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/02/2020 09:27

My DH manages that, even as a senior manager who is constantly having to take calls

But are they professional calls, Mittens?

Grin