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Original poster

To of told a lie to not collect her kids

627 replies

Guiltybutstuck · 25/02/2020 14:02

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

OP posts:
Sillyscrabblegames · 25/02/2020 19:48

You were probably her last resort anyway

annamie · 25/02/2020 19:48

Well done for standing up for yourself against the hordes OP. You did the right thing, sometimes you need to put yourself first.

The mum was BU to ask another woman (who isn’t even a friend) to help when she should have asked the children’s father.

It reminds of threads where women have done school pick up and drop for another mum only to learn that the dad was at home 🙄

AntimonySalts · 25/02/2020 19:55

OP, to look at this from a slightly different angle...

Not long after we moved cities, I had a medical emergency. No local family or friends. But someone had to look after my DC (one with SN). I asked a mum whom I sort of knew from the playground, because she had always seemed nice, and I had her phone number on her DD's party invitation.

She said yes without hesitation, and looked after my DC as if they were her own. Without question or cavil.

12 years on, she is still one of my best friends.

Make of that what you will.

Mittens030869 · 25/02/2020 20:00

My DH works from home. In this situation, he would have taken the time to pick the kids up (with the 2 extra boys) and then left me to supervise them whilst he went back to do some more work. (Actually, if he was at home, he would have done the pick up anyway in those circumstances.)

Mydogmylife · 25/02/2020 20:04

Well op I'm with @SchadenfreudePersonified. At first I thought you were unreasonable with really lame excuses. However each update has convinced me you are actually quite unpleasant , everything is me, me, me

lboogy · 25/02/2020 20:04

What @SchadenfreudePersonified said. And I'm not one to open up my home to strangers but in the circumstances described I would have taken those kids in too

RuggerHug · 25/02/2020 20:05

annamie or presumably the DF, every other relative and anyone else closer couldn't make it? DF could have been hours away not due back until much later and OP would be there anyway? I doubt anyone has a baby rushed to hospital and doesn't call the DF first, with anyone else close asked to pick up the other DCs.

Blackbear19 · 25/02/2020 20:07

Putting myself in the other mum's shoes. I've been in a similar boat, hospital with LO while older DC is in school.
Lucky for us MIL was able to step in and get DC1. But I can easily see how another parent collecting him and looking after him could have been a massive help to give DH time to get home from work.

Sometimes the help from a complete stranger can be an absolute blessing. One day when leaving hospital with LO I had a bundle of bags, couldn't carry them and DC. A random bloke at the next

Blackbear19 · 25/02/2020 20:10

Sorry posted too soon
Random bloke offered a hand, took the bags while I carried DC who was becoming distressed at me trying to leave to drop bags before coming back for them.

Thank goodness some people are willing to help a stranger.

AntimonySalts · 25/02/2020 20:11

Final (ish) word from me.

I have never been able to repay the favour this particular playground mum did me, as there hasn't been any need. However, I have done similar for other people (who have not been close friends - just happened to have DC in the same classes as my DC), because I know how it feels to be desperate. If we can help one another, we jolly well ought to. Sod the hoovering.

Any half decent person would do it.

Canadianpancake · 25/02/2020 20:11

If pancakes are a meal in themselves, I've just had two meals for my tea Blush

annamie · 25/02/2020 20:12

@RuggerHug

RuggerHug

annamie or presumably the DF, every other relative and anyone else closer couldn't make it? DF could have been hours away not due back until much later and OP would be there anyway? I doubt anyone has a baby rushed to hospital and doesn't call the DF first, with anyone else close asked to pick up the other DCs.

But the father did make it? He took care of his kids. Confused

annamie · 25/02/2020 20:14

And OP has had this lady’s son many times. I wonder how many times she’s had OP’s dc? Not many I’m guessing.

Mittens030869 · 25/02/2020 20:14

The mum of my DDs' closest friends is a very good friend of mine too. Her DH works overseas half the time, so she had to look after her DDs on her own the rest of the time. No long after I got to know her (5 years ago), she agreed to look after my DDs whilst a police officer took my statement concerning the historic SA I went through as a child. I was so grateful to her.

Since then, we've been there for each other, organised children's parties together and arranged play dates. (And we've had a laugh whilst sharing a bottle of wine. Grin)

You may not know this mum now, but friendships come about as a result of helping someone in a crisis.

RuggerHug · 25/02/2020 20:16

Yeah but my point was if they definitely could make it, you wouldn't ask someone you barely knew to watch your DCs. It was obvious he wouldn't have made it for pick up time or was told to go straight to the hospital.

Bluerussian · 25/02/2020 20:20

Canadianpancake Tue 25-Feb-20 20:11:40
If pancakes are a meal in themselves, I've just had two meals for my tea blush
......
Savoury stuffed pancakes can be a meal. Not my thing but I know some people like them. Oh I have had crispy duck and cucumber pancakes from the Chinese.

Pancakes for tea seems a bit odd to me but each to their own. I thoroughly enjoyed my pancakes with lemon and sugar as pudding after dinner, only thing is I want more which is greedy. I put some mixture into the fridge for tomorrow - was thinking I would help the op out if she lived near :-).

Blackbear19 · 25/02/2020 20:20

You may not know this mum now, but friendships come about as a result of helping someone in a crisis

That is so so true. I have a fab friend who suggested a coffee after a baby group. When I was having a particularly tough day.

AntimonySalts · 25/02/2020 20:21

Just re-read the OP.
It's strange, the way that Guilty assumes other parents might have local family. Mine are 200 miles away. And when you move to new place, you don't have a ready-made collection of friends. Not everyone has a network.
If someone you don't know well asks you for help, you can safely assume that they don't have said network, and you should be all the more willing to help as a result.

Kn0ckOnTheDoor · 25/02/2020 20:26

You may not know this mum now, but friendships come about as a result of helping someone in a crisis

the BEST friendships can come from these. because you know theyre decent people who are willing to turn their evenings upside down to help you when needed.

i had an emergency around 2 years ago (resulting in a close family members death kind of emergency). it was amazing how many friends/family were "too busy" to help the week i needed them as I was practically living at the hospital. I had never ever asked for help before but had often given it. I was the organiser of everything and the family/friends co-ordinator. I took on the shit jobs nobody else wanted to do. And 99% didnt help me. however 2 mum friends from school were amazing and would take my DC after school and help where possible. Theyre not who i choose to spend special events with and love them dearly.

Kn0ckOnTheDoor · 25/02/2020 20:27

*NOW who i choose to spend special events with and love them dearly.

Toastytoes1 · 25/02/2020 20:27

Sorry but your excuses are pretty appalling really. What if you find yourself in similar circumstances one day and you can't find anyone to help out? Can you not imagine the stress that poor Mother was going through? A tad more stressful than a heavy period and not enough eggs in stock. I think you're feeling guilty because you should feel guilty.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2020 20:28

You really missed a trick there op. You say you’ll perhaps need a hysterectomy. If you do, you’re going to need people to take and pick up the children for quite some time. Even if you have a much less intrusive one than mine, I can imagine recovery will take some time. She won’t be a person to call on.

Scardanelli · 25/02/2020 20:32

I don't believe in karma, but I do believe that people will be less willing to help those in a crisis who have turned their backs on people in need. Word gets around, especially in a primary school playground.

CadburyFlake · 25/02/2020 20:57

Maybe just me but I'd feel rather humbled to be asked to help out in such an emergency situation.

jonesss · 25/02/2020 21:01

I'd think she was desperate if she asked you and you aren't close. Personally I would of done it but you are allowed to say no so really it's fine. I would check up to make sure she managed to get it sorted though.